Hello, and welcome to another episode of the Childless not by Choice Podcast, where my mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world. Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we did not have the children we so wanted. I also welcome you even if you do not fit the demographic. Maybe you did not want children, maybe you have children. Thanks for tuning in. Welcome to episode 123.
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Well, let’s talk about a few things, get caught up, and all that good stuff, and be sure to listen to some words of encouragement I want you to hold onto. And then I’ll see you in December!
Reminder, I am on hiatus October and November. No new episodes. But there are 123 episodes including this one, in the library. Go to the website, https://www.childlessnotbychoice.net, or your favorite podcast player app. You know the drill!
And, remember the August newsletter is out. Be sure to check it out. Going forward, there will be a newsletter every quarter starting in January.
Another way to stay in touch is through the Facebook group, and through the Community group on the website. I will be in both groups from time to time throughout my hiatus. Come on in and join us for conversation.
By the way, I will be having a Zoom call in September. The link will be posted in the Facebook group.
Other places you can find me include Twitter, @civilla1, LinkedIn, and Pinterest. I love Pinterest you all. It’s one of my favorite places to be.
Speaking of the Facebook group, the Childless not by Choice with Civilla Morgan Facebook group, I took a number of episodes from the podcast library and segmented them by subject matter. Maybe there is a subject matter you want to know more about? Check out the units!
So there you are. I won’t completely disappear. I will be around, just not creating new episodes.
If you go back a few episodes in the library, you will recall I started this last year after I lost my mom. I really needed a mental and emotional break. I miss her so much. It’s been a little over a year and I’m still trying to catch my breath. Taking these two months off means the world to me.
Well, I wanted to leave you with a few words of encouragement:
- You matter. You matter. You matter.
- Take every day one day at a time.
- Take every situation one situation at a time. It does not make sense to worry about something that may not even work out the way you are worrying about it may happen.
- Set kind but firm boundaries. Remember, you matter. This means you must live your best most relevant life. You were not born to live your family and friend’s lives. You must plan your time with and without family and friends. Find your own interests, or create them. Create your own circle of friends. It does not mean you love your family less, it means they must know that you have kind, firm, loving boundaries. Boundaries are healthy. And let me tell, it is very easy as a childless woman, and especially if you are also single, to be disrespected. I know you’ve heard it all:
- ‘You’re not a mom, you wouldn’t understand’.
- ‘That is a silly question, you have obviously never been married’.
- ‘When you have a child I will listen to your suggestions’.
- ‘You’re single, we can put you on the couch and save the bedroom for a couple.’ When I interviewed Jody Day in episode 90, we discussed her book ‘Living The Life Unexpected’, in which she talked about the woman who was put in a tent in the garden as family planned sleeping arrangements over the holidays. Can you imagine?
- Not only must you set boundaries, but you must also adhere to them so that everyone around you must adhere to them as well. Remember, if you don’t respect yourself why should anyone else?
- Join a group, like ours, where you can get the support and commiseration you need. Good, positive support groups are good for your health! Community is good for your health.
I have a question for you. Are you doing what you dreamed you would do when you were a kid? In some cases it may not be practical anymore, but what are you doing now, even in a hobbyist way, that is fulfilling to you?
If you are doing something fulfilling, kudos to you. If you are not and you are feeling stuck, feeling sorry for yourself, maybe even feeling like your life is wasting away as you watch others living their best life, it is time to turn things around.
Start on a small scale. Start by writing it down. Whatever ‘it’ is. That is where you start your plan.
You can even journal as you make your way through the process. Don’t let your life go because things didn’t turn out as expected.
Fight for you.
Fight for your peace.
Fight for your boundaries.
Life is short and you only get one. Whose life are you living? Even if it is not the life you expected to live, make sure you are living the life you are choosing to live. Yes, there are tradeoffs. Some of us are caring for family members, in fact, we have family and friends that we must and we should interact with. No one is an island.
But the key to keeping healthy, kind, firm boundaries, is knowing when to say no, when to say yes, and when to rest; to yourself and to everyone else.
Don’t give up on you because life pulled a 2020.
***PLEASE NOTE A CHANGE: I’VE UPDATED THE NAME OF THE SUPPORTERS GROUP TO:
SUPPORTERS OF THE CHILDLESS NOT BY CHOICE COMMUNITY WITH CIVILLA MORGAN
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Thanks for listening.
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Thanks for allowing this podcast to walk with you on your journey to relevance and joy.
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Well, thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice! Until next time! Bye!
‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’
‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.