Resources
Episode 178–Ectopic Pregnancy
Intro:
Hello, and welcome to episode 178 of the Childless Not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless women and men worldwide, reminding us that we can live joyful, relevant, and fulfilled lives. And whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in!
What is today’s show about?
Ectopic Pregnancies
I have not forgotten that this podcast is about childlessness. Indeed, being childless not by choice. And we all know there are many reasons for childlessness, including medical issues such as endometriosis, fibroids, adenomyosis, miscarriage, PCOS, and so many other physical and physiological issues. Trauma, both physical and emotional, can be a cause. Being born without a uterus, which I have discussed on this podcast before. I will put a link to that interview in the show notes for this episode. And then just the unknown, also known as idiopathic infertility.
I want to talk about ectopic pregnancy because I have never discussed it. But let’s step back a little. Let’s talk about the uterus. And I realize I am speaking to the choir here. I think most of you know what a uterus is and what it does. So let me say this in one or two sentences: The uterus is where a baby grows once the sperm fertilizes the egg. So if the egg, sperm, and fertilization end up anywhere outside of the uterus, the pregnancy will not thrive. In fact, the pregnancy will not go to term. And most times that ending up outside the uterus means the components I just mentioned: the sperm and egg, end up in the fallopian tubes. It’s like driving down a highway, the fallopian tubes. You are supposed to end up at a destination, the uterus, but you get stuck on the highway instead. And sometimes getting stuck on the highway can cause irreparable damage. Meaning the possibility of no future natural pregnancies. Although we have two fallopian tubes, so if one is affected by an ectopic pregnancy, if the other one is healthy, a viable pregnancy is possible.
The risk of an ectopic pregnancy is 1-2%. It sounds like a small percentage, but a percentage is a percentage, isn’t it? It’s small until it happens to you.
And human physiology is not something that can be contested. In other words, there is no way to have a baby successfully grow outside of the womb, the uterus. And again, I know I don’t need to say this, but I am not referring to other types of creating pregnancy, like the gift of a successful IVF. I am talking about how a pregnancy starts biologically, and the only way it can continue.
So, ectopic pregnancies.
‘An ectopic pregnancy occurs when a fertilized egg implants outside the uterus, typically in the fallopian tube.’–AI.
Ectopic pregnancies are often caused by damaged fallopian tubes, which prevent a fertilized egg from reaching the uterus, leading it to implant and grow elsewhere.
Risk factors for tubal damage and subsequent ectopic pregnancies include
pelvic inflammatory disease (PID),
Previous abdominal pelvic surgery
Smoking.
Other risk factors include conception while using an intrauterine device (IUD)
After a tubal ligation (sterilization),
Ongoing fertility treatments.
Age: Being older than age 35 can also be a risk factor.
I want to stop here and note that an ectopic pregnancy can be very dangerous. It is suggested that if you believe or have been diagnosed with an ectopic pregnancy, you should see your physician immediately.
Symptoms:
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Vaginal bleeding or spotting
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Abdominal pain, often one-sided
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Shoulder pain
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Nausea and vomiting
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Dizziness or fainting
Now, the good news in all of this is that the chances of a successful pregnancy after an ectopic pregnancy are good, ranging from 65 to 85%, especially as time goes on. Meaning if you get pregnant again in 18 months, a successful pregnancy is 65% likely. In two years, it is 85% likely.
I will say again, if we have arrived at the fact that we will not be having children. Maybe we have already had the hysterectomy. Maybe we have stopped IVF. We have just come to terms and decided to move on with our lives as childless not by choice people. That’s what this podcast was created to address. But I also believe it is important to know more than our own journey. And that if we ever want to discuss more than our own journey, we are in the know. We can intelligently discuss as much or as little as we would like.
Knowledge allows us to have the ball in our court.
Maybe you have a family member or friend who is or has suffered from an ectopic pregnancy. Maybe you have, and then the pregnancy never happened for you. Either way, this is a slice of knowledge. And I hope it was helpful.
As I close out this episode, I want to remind you that we are approaching our final episodes. It is a bittersweet feeling, as I have said before. But I know I am doing the right thing. I am feeling a shift and I need to go along with that shift. I will keep the Facebook group open, I will keep the website up and running. And in fact, I may now find time to refresh the website. http://www.childlessnotbychoice.net.
Usually I go on hiatus for October and November. I have decided to do an October episode, and hiatus for November only. Back in December with a final episode. Any questions, please feel free to reach out. My contact information is in the show notes, at the very end.
Useful links:
Research links:
AI
My contact information:
Website: http://www.childlessnotbychoice.net and http://www.civillamorgan.com
Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan
Instagram: @joyandrelevance
Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM
LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM
Thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice!
Until next time! Bye!
Episode 175–Father’s Day and Men’s Health
Hello, and welcome to episode 175 of the Childless Not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless women and men not by choice worldwide, reminding us that we can live joyful, relevant, and fulfilled lives, childless by choice.
Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in!
What is today’s show about?
Father’s Day and Men’s Health
Thank you, Patreon contributors:
I would like to thank my Patreon contributors, who support the platform every month.
Your contributions help me pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, and other expenses. Thank you very much!
If you are not yet a Patron, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution. No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!
If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at booksbycivillamorgan@gmail.com.
Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!
https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice
Questions or comments? Contact me at:
Email: Info@civillamorgan.com
Or
Visit the website at http://www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen, and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.
Body of episode:
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FATHER’S DAY
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MEN’S HEALTH
So, well before President Biden’s prostate cancer diagnosis, I had planned on discussing men’s health for this year’s Father’s Day episode. In particular, I wanted to discuss causes of male childlessness, such as Azoospermia.
I’ve decided to put links in the show notes in regards to Azoospermia. Please check out the links for further information.
The basic definition of Azoospermia per The Cleveland Clinic website is:
‘Azoospermia means there’s no sperm in your ejaculate. Its causes include a blockage along the reproductive tract, hormonal problems, ejaculation problems or issues with testicular structure or function. Many causes are treatable. For other causes, it may be possible to retrieve live sperm to be used in assisted reproductive techniques like IVF.‘
As I think back through my episodes, I don’t believe I’ve ever discussed men’s health, or medical reasons men may be childless.
We’ve discussed fibroids, PCOS, endometriosis, adenomyosis, miscarriage, running out of time, aka the biological clock, MRKH, etc.
But I’ve never gone into much detail regarding issues surrounding the causes of childlessness in men.
I have had the great opportunity to interview several men about their experiences with childlessness, including how they have dealt with it. I will put links in the show notes on interviews I have conducted over the years with these wonderful men. Be sure to take a listen!
I also believe male childlessness is not as openly discussed as female childlessness because men and their spouses may find the issue embarrassing, shocking to their ego in a different way than a woman may feel about her childlessness, or maybe in much the same way. In either case, there can be emotional and mental pain.
Some of the things that can cause infertility in men include:
AI Overview
Male infertility can be caused by a variety of factors, including problems with sperm production or quality, hormonal imbalances, genetic disorders, infections, and environmental factors. Additionally, lifestyle choices like smoking, excessive alcohol consumption, and certain drug use can also contribute to infertility.
Here’s a more detailed look at some of the key causes:
1. Sperm Problems:
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Low sperm count (oligospermia): A low number of sperm in the ejaculate.
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Absent sperm (azoospermia): No sperm in the ejaculate.
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Poor sperm motility: Sperm are unable to swim properly.
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Abnormal sperm morphology: Sperm are abnormally shaped, making it difficult for them to fertilize an egg.
2. Hormonal Imbalances:
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Reduced testosterone: Low levels of testosterone can affect sperm production.
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Hyperprolactinemia: Elevated levels of prolactin can interfere with sperm production.
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Hormonal disorders affecting the pituitary gland or hypothalamus: These glands regulate hormone production.
3. Genetic Disorders:
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Klinefelter syndrome: A genetic condition affecting males.
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Cystic fibrosis: A genetic disorder that can cause blocked reproductive ducts.
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Myotonic dystrophy: A genetic disorder that can affect sperm production.
4. Infections and Inflammation:
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Epididymitis: Inflammation of the epididymis, the tube that carries sperm from the testicles.
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Orchitis: Inflammation of the testicles.
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STIs: Sexually transmitted infections like gonorrhea or chlamydia can cause inflammation and damage to the reproductive organs.
5. Environmental and Lifestyle Factors:
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Smoking: Smoking can reduce sperm count and quality.
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Alcohol consumption: Excessive alcohol use can lower testosterone levels and affect sperm production.
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Certain drug use: Anabolic steroids and other drugs can negatively impact sperm production.
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Exposure to toxins or chemicals: Exposure to certain toxins, like pesticides, can affect fertility.
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Obesity: Being overweight or obese can impact sperm quality.
6. Medical Conditions:
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Diabetes: Diabetes can affect sperm production and quality.
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Kidney failure: Kidney failure can also impact sperm production.
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Cystic fibrosis: A genetic disorder that can cause blocked reproductive ducts.
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Autoimmune diseases: Some autoimmune diseases can attack sperm.
7. Other Factors:
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Varicocele: Enlarged veins in the scrotum, which can raise testicular temperature and affect sperm production.
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Testicular trauma: Injury to the testicles can damage sperm production.
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Previous cancer treatment: Chemotherapy and radiation therapy can affect sperm production.
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Undescended testicles: Testicles that don’t descend into the scrotum.
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Blockages or absences of tubes: Blockages in the reproductive tract can prevent sperm from being released.
This is for informational purposes only. For medical advice or diagnosis, consult a professional. AI responses may include mistakes. Learn more
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Whether you have children or not, your health is important. Be sure to go to all of your check-ups, especially if there is a family history of health issues. Get checked, don’t wait.
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Be OK with advocating for yourself. The healthcare industry may say no, you are too young for a particular test. But if you want that test, be insistent. Keep in mind that if your insurance does not cover the test because you are not of a certain age or whatever their parameters are, you may have to pay out of pocket.
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Happy Father’s Day to all the wonderful men out there who do the work of raising great people for this world.
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Happy Father’s Day to those of you who did not birth children, but are contributing to a child’s life in beautiful and lasting ways.
Research links:
https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/15441-azoospermia
Articles/links of interest:
https://ifstudies.org/blog/pronatalism-is-not-popular-yet
Episode links to conversations with men:
https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-116-my-conversation-with-dave-jackson/
https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-141-downriver-nomad-my-conversation-with-rob-hutchings/
https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-130-about-fathers-day-and-childlessness/
https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-57-men-men-men-men-3/
My contact information:
Website: http://www.childlessnotbychoice.net and http://www.civillamorgan.com
Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan
Instagram: @joyandrelevance
Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM
LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM
Episode 174–Mother’s Day and Shame
Hello, and welcome to episode 174 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men worldwide, reminding us that we can live joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, lives.
Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in!
What is today’s show about?
Mother’s Day
Thank you, Patreon contributors:
I want to thank my Patreon contributors, who contribute monthly to the platform.
Your contributions help pay the salaries of my podcast producer and host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests and other expenses. Thank you very much!
If you are not yet a Patron, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution. No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!
If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at booksbycivillamorgan@gmail.com.
Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!
https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice
Questions or comments? Contact me at:
Email: Info@civillamorgan.com
Or
Visit the website at http://www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen, and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.
Thank you to the Paypal contributor from the UK. Um, from a month ago. Sorry it took so long to give a shout out. Your contribution means a lot!
Body of episode:
Isaiah 54:1
1“Sing, barren woman,
you who never bore a child;
burst into song, shout for joy,
you who were never in labor;
because more are the children of the desolate woman
than of her who has a husband,”
says the Lord.
I am well aware that this scripture is an analogy and not literal. I know the literal meaning, which you can search via Google or a Bible commentary if you want to know.
I use the Matthew Henry Commentary for my research. I don’t want to get into the weeds here, so I am giving you homework.
I love this verse because it brings joy and hope to those of us who never had children, and not shame and derision. Although we did not have children, we can still contribute to society by the decisions we make to be a part of society; as teachers, as aunts, as mentors; in whatever roles we choose to be a part of a child’s life. To be a part of society. Importantly: in addition to whatever you choose to do with your life. You can be an astronaut and mentor. You can be a CEO and be a wonderful aunt.
Choose, decide, not to go inward and separate yourself from society because of the grief of childlessness. How we live our lives is always a choice. A decision.
I know we are all in different places on our childless not by choice journey, but I am confident that as we continue on our journey, we will get to the point where we can embrace our whole selves. You are the only you. I am the only me. You will get to the point where you can embrace the missing part in your heart and yet enjoy every aspect of your life. If it could happen for me, trust me, it can happen for you.
I’ve said in previous episodes that no one could have told me I would never have children. It was just out of the question! But we never know what life has in store for us. How we deal with it is what is important. Very important.
I also want to say that Mother’s Day is a day created by someone to recognize mothers. Mother’s are doing the hard work to raise children to be positive contributors to a civil society. We need that now more than ever. So I am grateful to all the great mothers out there doing the hard work! We all know that what we don’t learn at home, the world will teach us. And the world is a harsh teacher. We all know that!
I am grateful to my mom, may she continue to rest in peace. She left this world the week before Mother’s Day, no less. I miss her every day because I know she had my best interests at heart.
Even as an adult, she would ask me questions that made me think.
I remember once she asked me about a certain friendship where I always seemed to be giving, but not getting anything back. It was not a deep friendship, but it was enough of a friendship where there could have been some reciprocation.
That question made me step back and take a look at my friendships. It reminded me to value myself even as I valued others. That one question really helped me in the years to come, to make sure I was valued in my friendships and relationships. One little question.
So, be sure to value yourself. Value your life. Value what you do for a living. Value your place in this world. Value that little place in your heart that may feel an emptiness.
And for those of you who teach or mentor, who have mothered whole communities, whole families…you are helping to make a positive contribution to the world by helping children become a positive contribution to society, showing them how to manage their lives, biases, selfishness, love, life, their hearts, their laundry.
Dear childless not by choice woman, you are seen, you are remembered, you are loved, you are valued.
Research links:
Isaiah 54:1
My contact information:
Website: http://www.childlessnotbychoice.net and http://www.civillamorgan.com
Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan
Instagram: @joyandrelevance
Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM
LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM
Episode 170–Meditation by Bindi Shah
Intro:
Hello, and welcome to episode 170 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men worldwide, reminding us that we can live joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, lives.
Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in!
What is today’s show about?
Meditiation by Bindi Shah
Body of episode:
Bindi’s Meditation Recording
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This Meditation was created by Bindi to help us get the year off to a great start!
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NOTE TO LISTENER: Please listen when you can relax and really take in the information—not while driving.
Bindi’s Contact Information:
bindishah.com
Articles/links of interest:
https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-169-my-conversation-with-bindi-shah/
Special thank you to:
Bindi Shah
My contact information:
Website: http://www.childlessnotbychoice.net and http://www.civillamorgan.com
Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan
Twitter: @civilla1
Instagram: @joyandrelevance
Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM
LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM
https://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice
Thank you Patreon contributors:
I want to thank my Patreon contributors, the people who make a monthly financial contribution to the platform.
Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, and other expenses. Thank you very much!
If you are not yet a Patron, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution. No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!
If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at booksbycivillamorgan@gmail.com.
Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!
https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice
Questions or comments? Contact me at:
Email: Info@civillamorgan.com
Or
Visit the website at http://www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.
Episode162-Why Won’t They Listen?
Hello, and welcome to episode 162 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you, us, that we can live joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, lives.
Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in!
What is today’s show about?
Why Won’t They Listen?
Thank you Patreon contributors:
I would like to take a moment to thank the people who make a financial contribution to the platform on a monthly basis, my Patreon Contributors.
Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!
If you are not yet a Patron, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution. No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!
If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at booksbycivillamorgan@gmail.com.
Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!
https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice
Questions or comments? Contact me at:
Email: Info@civillamorgan.com
Or
Visit the website at http://www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.
Body of episode:
HELLO EVERYONE WELCOME TO EPISODE 162! THIS IS A SPECIAL LIVE RECORDING AND I AM SO EXCITED FOR YOU TO HEAR IT. AS SOON AS I HEARD IT WAS HAPPENING I BECAME EXCITED BECAUSE THE ISSUES SURROUNDING HEALTHCARE AND PEOPLE OF COLOR IS SOMETHING THAT HAS BEEN ON MY MIND FOR QUITE SOME TIME.
I MEAN QUITE SOME TIME AS IN YEARS: SINCE MY HYSTERECTOMY.
I WILL BE TALKING MORE ABOUT MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCES NEXT EPISODE, AS WELL AS THINGS WE CAN DO, NO MATTER OUR RACE OR GENDER, TO GIVE US A BETTER CHANCE AT PROPER CARE WHEN INTERACTING WITH THE MEDICAL COMMUNITY.
I WOULD LIKE TO THANK MRS. LASHONDA ROYAL, CHAPTER PRESIDENT, MS. ANNA DIEVEUIL-HORNBUCKLE, PUBLIC RELATIONS, AND ALL THE LADIES OF ZETA PHI BETA SORORITY, INC., FOR ALLOWING ME TO ATTEND THIS MEETING.
BY THE WAY, IT WAS OPEN TO THE PUBLIC.
PLEASE NOTE: SOME CONTENT IN THIS EPISODE IS GEARED TO WOMEN WHO HAVE CHILDREN. PLEASE ALSO NOTE THAT ANY AUDIENCE MEMBER NAMES MENTIONED HAVE BEEN REMOVED. THE NAMES OF THE PANEL MEMBERS HAVE NOT.
LASTLY, NAMES OF MEDICATIONS HAVE BEEN REMOVED FROM THE AUDIO AS WELL. THANKS AGAIN FOR TUNING IN.
Articles/links of interest:
https://www.personneltoday.com/hr/childless-employee-edi-unseen-minority/
Special thank you to:
Mrs. Lashonda Royal, Chapter President, Zeta Phi Beta Sorority
Ms. Anna Dieveuil-Hornbuckle, Public Relations
Solid Rock Community Church
My contact information:
Website: http://www.childlessnotbychoice.net and http://www.civillamorgan.com
Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan
Twitter: @civilla1
Instagram: @joyandrelevance
Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM
LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM
Episode 146–The heart of the childless not by choice during the holidays
Hello, and welcome to episode 146 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. This is the December 2022 episode. Our holiday episode! Thanks for stopping by! Well, the last two months the podcast has been on hiatus, and I am happy to be back!
What is today’s show about?
Childless not by choice during the holidays!
Over the last few years, I have talked to us, reminded us, of how to be, how to do, as childless not by choice people during the holidays!
Thank you Patreon contributors:
I would like to take a moment to thank the people who make a financial contribution to the platform on a monthly basis, my Patreon Contributors.
Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!
**PLEASE CONSIDER BECOMING A PATREON PATRON THIS YEAR**
If you are not yet a Patron, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution. No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!
If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at booksbycivillamorgan@gmail.com.
Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!
https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice
Questions or comments? Contact me at:
Email: Info@civillamorgan.com
Or
Visit the website at http://www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.
Body of episode:
- Thank you to the listeners from different countries. A great big thank you to all of my listeners all over the world. From Australia to Tanzania, from China to Luxembourg, from Ghana to America. From India to Austria. You all are tuning in and listening! Thank you!
I continue to be humbled!
I would also like to thank those who reached out to me via Messenger and email. I am so glad the podcast is helping you. Please keep listening!
- Episodes coming up in 2023.
So, I am working on more great episodes for 2023! I feel like 2022 had a theme of health. We talked about food, diet, well-being, exercise, mental health, and all the things that strengthen us from the inside out. I did not plan a theme for 2023, but I feel like it will come together beautifully just like 2022.
In the meantime, sit with me for a few, and let’s talk.
The heart of the childless not by choice during the holidays. I don’t know about you, but I can feel the feelings creeping in right around October. I start to feel un-holiday-ish. I tell myself that I will not celebrate this year. I’m just not up for all the pomp and circumstance of it all.
But as November rolls in, the month of Thanksgiving here in the U.S., I try to get myself in the mood. And the thing is, I love Christmas. It’s my favorite holiday. Thanksgiving gives me a chance to cook and bake. Christmas typically gives me a chance to catch up with family and friends.
Getting into the festive mood takes work these last few years though. I had that childish anticipation all the way through adulthood. But it has dimmed, and I know that it is at least in part because my mom is gone. And we all have heard how the holidays can magnify loss. It’s true, they do magnify loss.
If you are going through and dealing with the same feelings, don’t ignore them. Recognize them, admit them to yourself, and take them one day at a time. But don’t allow your feelings to dictate your decisions. That is one thing my dad told me years ago. Feelings change. So when you are making your decisions about how to spend your holidays, be intentional. Intentional: it is our keyword for this episode because intentionality is very important. And it is different from than intention. You see, we can intend to do something and never get around to it. But intentional means we are making decisions actively. We are actively involved in our decision-making and in our decisions.
Sometimes we have to intentionally show up at the gatherings, sometimes it feels like we have no choice. We have elderly family members whom we do not know how many more family gatherings we will spend with them. And then at the other end of the spectrum, we have young family members with whom we would like to build a positive relationship.
But I have said this before, there is nothing wrong with making different plans once in a while. Life is short. It’s short for everyone.
The thing about making different plans for the holidays or any other time is that we have to then stand by them. We have to practice standing by our decision once we have made our plans. The way to stand by plans and decisions is to weigh those plans and decisions carefully. Weighing, deciding, and then standing.
I think we get better at weighing, deciding, and then standing as we mature.
You know life is filled with disappointments. And sometimes we may have wished we had made different decisions, but the fact is, no one is perfect. All we can do is the best we can do.
We have to decide to make certain decisions about our lives. We don’t know how much time we have. Any of us.
So thinking about ourselves more does not mean we are selfish. Everyone is living their lives. Are they selfish for caring for their spouses, children, their work-life balance? They wouldn’t think so. I don’t think so.
It is definitely OK and healthy, to care for ourselves, to consider ourselves. To love ourselves. To speak kind words to ourselves, and practice makes perfect.
Here are five ways we can love, consider, and protect ourselves:
- Look in the mirror every morning as you wash your face or put on your makeup, and smile at yourself.
- Say kind words to yourself, even when you have messed up. Never, never, never call yourself names, even in jest. Never.
- Do not allow others to call you names, even in jest. If someone is calling you names and says they are joking, be aware.
- I realize some of you live in parts of the world where pushing back can be dangerous. If you are not able to push back on the name-calling or mistreatment, practice speaking silently to yourself and saying ‘I do not receive that.’ Do not allow negativity into your spirit, your heart, or your mind. You would be surprised to know how much unchecked negativity is affecting you. Do not receive it.
- Do something kind for yourself on a regular basis. The women in my Facebook group know that I buy myself flowers on a regular basis. I work from home, so in the midst of all my office stuff, I get to glance over at my flowers every once in a while. They bring me a moment of joy as I work. Do something. It doesn’t have to be anything extravagant.
When the world, our world, realizes we have only good, positive intentions for ourselves, they will eventually come to realize that they are getting nowhere trying to get us to ‘come around’. That is why it is important for us to know ourselves, to respect ourselves, to be kind to ourselves.
If you don’t like and respect you, it will be difficult for others to like and respect you, even your own family members.
Consider this: if we are doing what everyone else wants us to do all the time, are we happy? Are we living our best, most joyful, and relevant lives?
You know, I did not know what gaslighting was until just a few years ago. But once I found out about it, I realized there were times during my life when I had been gaslit! I am glad I can now recognize it for what it is, and can act accordingly. Acting accordingly when being gaslit means recognizing it when it is happening, trusting your gut that it is happening, and then standing firm in the love and protection you created for yourself. I put an article in the show notes that defines gaslighting, and explains how to recognize it. Check it out. It’s intriguing.
And no, I did not take a sudden left turn and changed the subject. Gaslighting can happen to anyone. But it I believe we are more susceptible when we are heartbroken, grieving, and unaware of how worthy we are. We all as human beings have been through a lot these last few years.
We have suffered some form of loss, and then on top of that loss a pandemic. Some of us are still dealing with brain fog and other effects of COVID. I am dealing with serious brain fog. But honestly, I don’t know if it is COVID or being a woman of a certain age, or both. Either way lets practice those five things I mentioned earlier, especially as we head into a fresh new year. Let’s practice being intentional.
Closing:
Be sure to check out the show notes. I put some links in this episode’s show notes that I believe you will like. For instance, there is an article here on the definition and effects of gaslighting. There is a link to my Only One in the Room interview. It’s always cool to be interviewed!
Thanks again to those who reached out to me during hiatus. You made my day! Remember, be kind to yourself!
See you in January!
Articles/links of interest:
https://punchng.com/court-dissolves-14-year-marriage-over-childlessness/
Video interview of my guest appearance on The Only One In The Room Podcast:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QlD8pPwm88c
Article on the definition and the effects of gaslighting
Episode quotes:
Be intentional.
Five things we can do to love, consider, and protect ourselves.
Practice speaking silently to yourself…do not allow negativity into your heart and your mind.
Say kind words to yourself.
Special thank you to:
All of the wonderful listeners of the Childless not by Choice podcast!
All of the guests of the podcast!
All of the wonderful patrons of the platform!
My contact information:
Website: http://www.childlessnotbychoice.net and http://www.civillamorgan.com
Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan
Twitter: @civilla1
Instagram: @joyandrelevance
Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM
LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM
https://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice
Episode 138–Pre and Peri Menopause, Signs we may have missed!
Intro:
Hello, and welcome to episode 138 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you that you can live a joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, life.
Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in!
What is today’s show about?
Pre- and peri-menopause
Thank you Patreon contributors:
I would like to take a moment to thank the people who make a financial contribution to the platform on a monthly basis, my Patreon Contributors.
Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!
If you are not yet a Patron, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution. No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!
If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at booksbycivillamorgan@gmail.com.
Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!
https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice
- Jordan Morgan
- The Knights
- Susie
- Tiffany
- Your Name Here
https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice (Pull up site while I’m talking and go over the levels)
- Jordan Morgan
- The Knights
- Your Name Here
https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice
Questions or comments? Contact me at:
Email: Info@civillamorgan.com
Or
Visit the website at http://www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.
Body of episode:
So, pre-and peri-menopause. I’ve been wanting to talk about this for quite some time. I hope this content helps you recognize signs you may have ignored or missed. And how to deal.
As I did the research for this episode, I realized this content might be quite triggering, so please know that upfront, and maybe wait to listen until you are in a good place. Maybe tomorrow you will feel better than today, for instance. Just FYI.
Remember to check the show notes for all of the links I used in the research for this episode.
Let’s get started:
According to Let’s Get Checked:
‘Hot flashes, night sweats, mood changes, and difficulty having a good night’s sleep; the signs and symptoms of menopause in women are all too well known by most but aren’t believed to be experienced by many until they hit their 50s; with 51 being the average age in the United States, according to Mayo Clinic [1].
To set the record straight, menopause doesn’t happen overnight. In fact, your body can take a significant period of time before menopause to transition, this is known by experts as perimenopause or premature menopause by some. So if you’re experiencing menopause symptoms at a ‘not so’ menopausal age, this might be why; some women will notice certain shifts in their 40s and some might notice perimenopausal symptoms as early as their 30s.’
Perimenopause, which translates to ‘around menopause, includes symptoms such as:
- Vaginal dryness
- Irregular menstrual cycles or heavy periods
- Hot flashes
- A shift in cholesterol levels
- Sleep problems
Other emotional symptoms can include:
- Irritability
- Lack of motivation
- Fatigue
- Mood swings or changes
I don’t know about you but I never attributed fatigue to the possibility of peri-menopause. Probably because like many of you, my daily to-do list is as long as the day. We all have so much to do every day right?
Now the hot flashes, I can write a book! I take a supplement that seems to help. Because I am not a clinician, I will not mention any names. I will say that it is something I get from my local health food store.
I did a lot of research, taking many different types until I found one that actually worked. I went the natural way because I really did not want another prescription drug in my system.
Of course, if a prescription works best for you, do what is best for you. And definitely have a conversation with your ob-gyn or general practitioner.
Now I’m going to be honest with you: I really thought that pre-menopause and peri-menopause were on opposite ends of the spectrum. I can’t even explain why I thought that, but here we are.
Anyway, according to Healthline:
‘Premenopause and perimenopause are sometimes used interchangeably, but technically they have different meanings…’ they go on to say that ‘premenopause is when you have no symptoms of perimenopause or menopause.’ OK. Well, kinda makes sense since pre- means before right? But honestly, peri- means about the same thing, before, near, etc.
Once again, that’s why it’s always a great idea to do research.
Healthline also says ‘You still have periods — whether they’re regular or irregular — and are considered to be in your reproductive years. Some hormonal changes may be occurring, but there are no noticeable changes in your body. On the other hand, during perimenopause, you’ll start to experience symptoms of menopause.’
Now, I don’t know about that. I believe that if ‘some hormonal changes may be occurring’, then symptoms must be evident. You may realize some time down the line in your pre-/peri-menopause journey, that you will look back and say ‘wait, I do recall that feeling or that episode. That’s my humble opinion, for whatever it’s worth.
Well, as I continued my research, I came upon Web.MD’s take on pre-and perimenopause. Always gotta see what is going on at WebMD. They say that:
‘Perimenopause, or menopause transition, begins several years before menopause. It’s the time when the ovaries gradually begin to make less estrogen. It usually starts in women’s 40s but can start in their 30s or even earlier.
Perimenopause lasts up until menopause, the point when the ovaries stop releasing eggs. In the last 1 to 2 years of perimenopause, this drop in estrogen speeds up. At this stage, many women have menopause symptoms.
They also say that:
How Long Does Perimenopause Last?
The average length of perimenopause is 4 years, but for some women, this stage may last only a few months or continue for 10 years.’ Key: Perimenopause ends when women have gone 12 months without having their period.
Also in my research, I came across a site called ASRM–American Society for Reproductive Medicine. They have pretty similar information. One thing that stood out, and this may be a trigger for some of you: ‘ Pregnancy is rare but not impossible, so contraception is still needed to avoid pregnancy.’ Hmph. So there’s that.
Finally, Franciscan Health. They really get straight to the point, I mean “Your ovaries are shutting down, but the process takes some time. That process is called perimenopause.” Whew!
They do also say that ‘The first perimenopause sign is typically a disruption of your menstrual cycle. For many women, your period starts earlier or later than normal. For example, if your menstrual cycle has always been 28 days, during perimenopause, your period could come as early as 21 or as late as 35 days. Some women start skipping months entirely and then experience heavier-than-normal periods when they do have them.’
So although many women have experienced this, if you have not yet, here’s your FYI. If your period arrival times start to go awry this may be why. Mine showed up like clockwork (thanks mom for showing me how to count the days). Because I had fibroid issues, my experience with pre-peri-menopause was not long-lived.
I will tell you that my experience included what I call man-made menopause and natural menopause. When I was trying to buy time hoping to meet Mr. Right, I agreed to an intramuscular injection that was used to reduce the size of fibroids. The medication came in a monthly form and a quarterly form. I tried both. This medication had to be injected by the doctor, um, in the buttocks. Yeah. So actually I went through menopause twice.
But the side effects were horrendous! I was so upset, moody, short-tempered. Just terrible. I eventually advised my ob-gyn that I just couldn’t do it anymore. I felt like if I had continued on the medication I would have to be committed. Yes, it was that bad. In fact, the hot flashes from this man-made menopause were in my opinion much worse than natural menopause.
Every time I stopped any type of treatment during that 10 year period, I felt so down and dejected. I just wanted to know what it was that I did wrong to be in this situation.
If you are asking the same questions just know that you did nothing wrong. Life is indiscriminate. That’s it. Indiscriminate. Don’t beat yourself up. Do the best you can physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally; to care for yourself.
As I always say, find a doctor, an ob-gyn who is committed to your care. My Ob-gyn committed to going on my journey with me. He did not push me toward the hysterectomy, but when I was ready he was very positive and encouraging, advising me that he knew it was a difficult decision but that I was going to have an exponentially better quality of life. In the end, he was right. But it was definitely not what I wanted to hear at the time. It was a difficult time. But I made it! And so can you.
If you are or think you are dealing with pre-or perimenopause, please talk to your healthcare provider. And be sure to do your own research so that you can have an engaged and fruitful conversation with your doctor.
Notice I always say to get a second opinion and even change doctors if you feel your doctor is not listening? Well, pre-, peri-, and menopause, are the areas where they are not known for listening very much. I hate to brush with a broad stroke, but I have heard so many women say, myself included; that they were prescribed ahem, a medication to calm their nerves when complaining about sleeplessness, hot flashes, etc. Don’t just accept that a ‘calming prescription’ is the only way to fix these issues. So, yeah, do your homework, do your homework, do your homework.
Get a second opinion, see what your hormone and estrogen levels are, see what your doctor suggests, see what is available OTC–over the counter. Know your body.
Research links:
https://www.healthline.com/health/menopause/difference-perimenopause
https://www.webmd.com/menopause/guide/guide-perimenopause
https://www.franciscanhealth.org/community/blog/first-signs-of-perimenopause
Articles/links of interest:
My contact information:
Website: http://www.childlessnotbychoice.net and http://www.civillamorgan.com
Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan
Twitter: @civilla1
Instagram: @joyandrelevance
Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM
LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM
https://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice
“God Has Reasons not Favorites”: A Positive Look at Childlessness
This week’s episode of The Bold, The Brave, The Beautiful features our special guest Civilla Morgan (USA). Join her as she chats with Sikhumbuzo Dube on her childless journey, her work as a podcaster and how she has turned her pain into purpose.
“Life didn’t turn out how you expected it? Childless not by choice? A friend betrayed you, mistreated you for no reason? Let God work it out. God does not have favorites, He has reasons.” Civilla Morgan.
Episode 132–Mental health, mental rest, self-care
Hello, and welcome to episode 132 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you that you can live a joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, life.
Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in!
What is today’s show about?
Mental health, mental rest, self-care.
Thank you Patreon contributors:
I would like to take a moment to thank the people who make a financial contribution to the platform on a monthly basis, my Patreon Contributors.
Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!
If you are not yet a Patron, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution. No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!
If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at booksbycivillamorgan@gmail.com.
Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!
https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice
- Jordan Morgan
- The Knights
- Susie
- Tiffany
- Your Name Here
https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice
- Jordan Morgan
- The Knights
- Your Name Here
https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice
Questions or comments? Contact me at:
Email: Info@civillamorgan.com
Or
Visit the website at http://www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen, and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.
Body of episode:
Hello once again! Thank you so much for tuning in! Well, I am going to call this our Mental health, mental rest, self-care episode.
Mental health, mental rest, self-care.
At the beginning of August, I made the decision to step away from social media for the entire month. All through the month of July, I considered it as I realized I would basically have the month to myself. Dad is hanging out with his favorite child, kidding: my brother and his family are caring for dad this month. As a caregiver, and I would do it all over again, you are always on a high level of alert, as you are caring for another human being 24/7.
So I decided that while dad was with my brother and his family, I would take myself off social media, get some mental rest, go to the beach and enjoy my birthday month. And I have been doing just that!
I did consider that it might be an odd month for me to step away as it is a busy birthday month for my family. Most of my immediate family members have August birthdays! But I am sticking with my decision. I mean if it were an easy decision would it be worth it? Maybe, maybe not.
It’s been really weird to see so many social media notifications. On day three I was close to 200 already! I wonder how many there will be on August 31st?!
Well, not having to be on alert for 31 days and taking a break from social media, that combination does not happen very often. So I will be taking every advantage. I did put an out-of-office graphic on my Facebook and Instagram pages, I hope everyone realizes what is happening and that I am not ignoring them. Either way, my brain, and my body needed this. All of it!
Look, Mental Health Awareness month is in May here in the US, but the fact is, we should be thinking about our mental health every month. Mental and emotional health is always important as we are able to make better decisions when our brains are rested and healthy.
So what about you? Would you give it a try? Everyone’s mental health break is not the same. It does not have to be an entire month. It can be a week, it can even be a day, depending on what your life is like. The key is to recognize that you need a break, no matter what your life, your schedule, is like. The fact is, no matter how strong we think we are. We all need a break.
We are living in different, and honestly, strange times. 2020 beat us all up, mentally and emotionally. And 2021 seems to be only slightly better. People are still dying from COVID, there are still employment issues as well as the ending of a moratorium on evicting renters from their dwellings here in The US.
Life has always been hard. You have heard me say in the past: life is not for the faint of heart. We must try to take a break when we can. And I am thankful that I get this time.
So, I’m heading to the beach. I am going to get caught up on my reading. I am going to get some extra sleep. I am also going to enjoy the birthday gifts. The flowers. I have two vases of flowers that I hope will live the entire month of August. Take a look at the pictures I am posting here in the show notes. I will also post them on my Pinterest page once I am back on social media on the first of September.
I really hope you will take some time for yourself. Any time, some type of time. Recognize how you are feeling mentally, physically, and emotionally, and take heed. If you do, you will be a step ahead of the game of life.
Before I let you go, I want to talk to you about something that I believe is very important and in my opinion tied into mental health: Mindfulness.
I put some links here in the show notes to sites that discuss mindfulness, and mental health awareness. I also posted a link to a site on minority mental health. Be sure to check that out.
So, what is mindfulness?
Definition: ‘Being mindful means being aware of your thoughts, emotions, and how you’re feeling both physically and mentally. … It means being aware of your thoughts and feelings without judgment.’–Apr 20, 2018.
Now for those of you who may be Believers, that definition may sound a little bit familiar. Check this out:
‘Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.’–Philippians 4:8.
Sounds similar to the definition of mindfulness right? The bottom line is this, whether you are a Believer or not, it’s important to recognize that if you are struggling with negative thoughts, especially in the midst of the craziness of the last year and a half, it can be difficult to believe that things will get better, at least anytime soon. But even in the midst of all of this craziness, if you can set your mind to think on positive things, on good things, I believe it will help you make it through these difficult times.
Think about positive things:
It can be something nice a friend, family member, or even stranger did for you.
Think about how you feel when it is your day off from work.
Think about how it feels to be able to sit in your favorite coffee shop again. Think of how you feel when you are in a good mood, and then remind yourself that you are responsible for your mood even if others are trying to get on your very last nerve.
Renew your mind with good thoughts.
Check out some more suggestions below:
Some examples include:
- Pay attention. It’s hard to slow down and notice things in a busy world. …
- Live in the moment. Try to intentionally bring an open, accepting, and discerning attention to everything you do. …
- Accept yourself. Treat yourself the way you would treat a good friend.–Google.
- Focus on your breathing.
Sounds simple, but it’s usually the simple things that work best. So, that’s all from me this month. I am going to go do all of the above, and I hope you will too. And don’t forget to check out the links in the show notes!
P.S. There are some wonderful admins and moderators managing the Childless not by Choice with Civilla Morgan Facebook group if you are in the group and have questions.
Although I am not on social media this month, you may email me, my contact information is in the show notes. You may also Messenger me, but I will not be able to respond until September.
So, see you in September!
Articles of interest:
https://www.minorityhealth.hhs.gov/minority-mental-health/
https://www.mindfulschools.org/
My contact information:
Website: http://www.childlessnotbychoice.net and http://www.civillamorgan.com
Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan
Twitter: @civilla1
Instagram: @joyandrelevance
Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM
LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM
https://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice
Episode 131–Celebrating Six years of Podcasting!
6th Anniversary episode
Hello, and welcome to episode 131 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you that you can live a joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, life.
Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in!
Welcome to my six-year podcastiversary ya’ll!!! I am so excited! But first…
Today’s episode is brought to you by Omio.
Omio is a travel-booking platform that makes planning a journey in Europe and North America effortless. Just enter your travel details and Omio will magically give you all the train, bus, flight, and ferry options for your journey—it’s never been simpler to book your first real vacation for 2021! Best of all: Using Omio saves you time and money! That’s a win-win situation right?
Omio wants to help you leave your house this summer by offering five percent off your next booking. Just head to Omio.com and use the code OMIO5 at checkout. Valid until July 31st for new users on all modes of transport, it’s just the pick-me-up we need in 2021!
Omio: Plan, book and love the journey. Terms & Conditions apply.
https://omio.sjv.io/c/2544961/1078765/7385
END DATE: July 31st
Well! Six years! Whew! I’ve lost episodes, I’ve had to have Zoom techs help me find an episode in the middle of the night during my time, while the rep was on the other side of the planet during the middle of his day.
I’ve had to ask an interviewee for a re-do. The most humbling thing a podcaster has to do.
I have literally cried tears over an episode that got messed up. More than once!
I’ve felt like putting away my podcasting gear and finding something else to occupy my time. And not neatly putting it away, throwing it across the room!
Having started this podcast, this platform, from scratch; I recall when the number of downloads I now get in a day, was my total number for a whole month! That is what you call from scratch!
And as time progressed I received emails, Facebook Messenger messages, voicemails, feedback, (I love feedback you all, hint hint) left on my childlessnotbychoice.net website. You know you can do that right? Just click the link that says ‘send a voice message, and you get 90 seconds to leave me a message. Some have had so much to say they’ve left several voicemails in a row! I love it!
And speaking of hearing from people, I would like to take a moment to thank the people who make a financial contribution every month. My Patreon Contributors. Be sure to visit the Patreon site regularly as I will be placing more content in there just for you! More on that a little later.
If you are not yet a Patron and would like to join in, visit http://www.patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution for as little as $5.00 per month! No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you, so be sure to leave your mailing address. It is secure in the Patreon platform.
If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at booksbycivillamorgan@gmail.com.
Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated!
https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice
- Jordan Morgan
- The Knights
- Susie
- Tiffany
- Your Name Here
https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice
Questions or comments? Contact me at:
Email: Info@civillamorgan.com
Or
Visit the website at http://www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen, and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.
So, as I was saying, I love to hear from you. In fact, while I was working on the content for this episode I received an email from a new listener. She told me a story that brought some memories rushing back into my brain!
I thought I had forgotten those stories but whew! As childless not by choice women, many times we try to find ways to nurture. I mean we were born to nurture weren’t we? As I read her email I recalled how…
Once, I was asked to mentor two sisters. They were pre-teens and the story was that their mother was MIA. I believe we had the mentorship arrangements for a few months until their mother came back on the scene. The end. That’s pretty much how it ended.
I felt heartsick, and honestly, I felt used.
On another occasion, I was asked by a young woman’s mentor to watch her baby while the two of them went to a local event. It was just a couple of hours, but when I took the baby back as soon as I was called, the mother seemed beside herself.
The same woman who asked me to watch the baby, came by the house a few weeks later, with a little boy, about 5 or six years old. He was so energetic he almost tore up the house.
A couple of days later she called with urgency and asked me to babysit the little boy. Saying she had to go out of town and had no one else to watch him. I got hip to her and told her no. No ma’am.
I was pretty hard on myself. Why did it take me three events to see what was happening? To see that what comes naturally to most women was being used against me?
You know what I am going to say next, right? Boundaries. It’s issues like these that make it important for us to create and maintain proper boundaries.
I found a quote on Facebook: ‘A lack of boundaries often invites a lack of respect.’–TobyMac, one of my favorite musicians.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to nurture. There is nothing wrong with the way we were created. There is nothing wrong with us. The key is to recognize these things about ourselves, and then manage them accordingly. If we don’t, others will.
You’ve probably heard that people recognize things in us we do not recognize in ourselves. We all have blind spots. Here’s the thing: There is no shame in who we are. We just have to find the right way to be who we are. The right way to be who we are with dignity. We all deserve to have the ability to maintain our dignity.
You know, it was an honor to hear from this new listener as she detailed what was going on in her life.
A couple of days later I received an email from someone who had just heard the podcast for the first time that day! Wow! Can I tell you that sometimes I suffer from total imposter syndrome!? Still! But who am I kidding? Thank you for reaching out and telling me how much the podcast helps you. It means a lot.
You know, I am constantly speaking to an audience that is composed of people who are just finding out they will not be having children. That audience is not quite childless not by choice yet because you may be considering adoption, or thinking of starting IVF. But you did a search and found this podcast.
Then there’s the group that has been on this journey for a few short years. You may just be coming into the acceptance phase. You still have your moments, but you can generally make it through your day, week, month, without falling apart…too badly, at the sight of a pregnant woman or a co-worker bringing her new baby to the office, Barely.
Then there’s the group, like me, like some of you, who have been childless not by choice for many years. You still feel the little tug, but you can move on with your day without thinking of the incident that caused the tug most times. You seldom get triggered, but it can happen. You are definitely a leader in the childless not by choice space, and can definitely encourage other women in the community to realize that they will make it to a good place.
That’s what a journey is all about right? We’re all on a journey, and we find ourselves in different places in, and on that journey. No part of the journey is more or less important than the other. The key is to continue on. To push through. To become what we were put on this earth to do. Keep going OK? Don’t give up.
Omio
So, thanks again to Omio for sponsoring this episode.
Omio is a travel-booking platform that makes planning a journey in Europe and North America effortless. Just enter your travel details and Omio will magically give you all the train, bus, flight, and ferry options for your journey—it’s never been simpler to book your first real vacation for 2021! Best of all? Using Omio saves you time and money! That’s a win-win in our books!
Omio wants to help you leave your house this summer by offering five percent off your next booking. Just head to Omio.com and use the code OMIO5 at checkout. Valid until July 31st for new users on all modes of transport, it’s just the pick-me-up 2021 needs!
Omio: Plan, book and love the journey. Terms & Conditions apply.
https://omio.sjv.io/c/2544961/1078765/7385
END DATE: July 31st
So, changes are coming:
First, Patreon:
1) Patreon--If you are a Patron, I have some surprises in store for you! Reminder, patrons are those who help the show financially, on a monthly basis. They signed up to do that by going to https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice and following the instructions to become a patron. There is actually a button on the upper right corner of the Patreon website that says Become a Subscriber. Follow the steps to subscribe at the dollar amount that you would like deducted monthly. Remember, I have a gift for you regardless of your giving level.
There are four tiers: $5.00/$10.00/$25.00/$50.00 per month.
According to a 2019 article from LifeHacker.com, 99% of podcasts make zero dollars. See the link to the article in the show notes. I don’t call something nothing, but I guess we all know what they mean. 1% of podcasters are making a living off of their podcast income, including being able to pay their podcast fees. I want to be very clear: I did not start this podcast to make money. People who create podcasts because they think there is money in it, just like the article says, they don’t last. They pod fade, as it is called in the podcasting industry. For 99% of podcasters, podcasting is a hobby or a passion project, they are doing it because they love it. And if they, we, have patrons who believe in what we’re doing, well, that’s just awesome!
But I believe I should also advise you that I am actively searching for paid sponsors. Another question that I ask about in the survey.
Again, more on the survey in just a moment.
And that’s it about Patreon and money for this episode. I hope I haven’t lost you. If I haven’t, thanks for listening to this point.
2) Next, The Community. Many of you know by now that after months of thinking about this, I have decided to close out the Community site that was situated on the website, http://www.childlessnotbychoice.net. In fact, by the time you hear this episode the site should already be closed and removed from the website. I emailed everyone who was a member of the community site, and I posted a message in our Facebook groups.
I want to make it clear that I LOVE Community. I believe Community keeps us mentally and emotionally in tune with each other and with our journey. Community allows us to manage our loss in a healthy way.
Until I decide what’s next Community-wise, I really do suggest that you join the Facebook group if you haven’t already, Childless not by Choice with Civilla Morgan. Remember, that is a group for women only.
There is also the Supporters of the Childless not by Choice with Civilla Morgan Facebook group. That group is for everyone.
I also strongly suggest that you subscribe to the newsletter if you haven’t already.
I’m not one to overload your email with stuff. Those of you who are subscribed can attest to that. But being subscribed will definitely keep you in the loop. Please subscribe or join a Facebook group to stay in the loop. And remember, feel free to email me just like the two listeners above did, at civilla@civillamorgan.com.
Stick with me for a few more minutes. I want to share just a couple more things with you. In June I was happy to be a panelist on the Gateway Woman June webinar–’ Celebrating the Spinster’. I know, most of us who are single and never married would shudder at the thought of being called or calling ourselves spinster. But after that conversation, I totally understand why the author Donna Ward whom I interviewed, see episode 126, link in the show notes, used that word. You’ve got to listen to this conversation. It was an eye-opener for me when I got the light bulb moment. Be sure to listen.
Also in the show notes is the link to the study Donna Ward mentioned in the conversation. I hope you will take the time to read it. We need to have a plan as we age, especially if we are single and childless. I’m not trying to scare you or stress you out, I just want you to think ahead.
Well, I am happy to share the following with you: the founder of WCW–World Childless Week, Stephanie Joy Phillips, asked me to share the following with you:
“Did you know that World Childless Week will be running for the fifth time this year from the 13th – 19th September? Each day has a different topic: our stories, childlessness and sexual intimacy, leaving a legacy, men matter too, have you considered adoption, we are worthy and moving forwards. You have the freedom to express yourself in any medium you prefer, from dancing to writing and everything in between. The founder, Stephanie Joy Phillips, welcomes your submissions from now until the 29th August. You don’t have to be a professional and you have the choice to remain anonymous.
Stephanie says the most important thing to remember is the week is for us and about us, a way to share both our darkest secrets and happiest moments. The Childless Not By Choice community deserves to be seen and to be heard.
You can find full details of how to make a submission and learn about all of the other events running during the week by taking a look at http://www.worldchildlessweek.net“.
3) Soooo, the survey. There is a survey link in the show notes that I would really like you to take the time to take. Your responses to the survey questions will be read by myself, only. I am serious about making this podcast better and better. You don’t get to six years without making changes from time to time. And I am willing to do that, with your help.
Your responses will help me as I continue to make changes and updates on this podcast, this platform. Are you in this with me? If so, I would love to hear your thoughts. Please complete the survey. The link is in the show notes.
Survey link:
Lots of changes right? I can’t believe I’m saying this, but change is good, no matter what you’ve heard about it. Especially when it makes things better and it’s not just for the sake of change.
Sooooo, last but definitely not least, I would like even more eyes and ears on this podcast and this platform. I would like you to rate and review this podcast. It’s very easy to do. You can go to the website, http://www.childlessnotbychoice.net, click on the Podcast tab, and under each and every episode you are given options such as share, leave a review, etc. Click leave a review, and follow the steps.
Even easier, if you listen on Apple Podcast, tap on the Library tab, tap on the Childless not by Choice podcast, and scroll down to where you will see Ratings and Review. As I look it looks like there are more people rating it than reviewing it, but do what you are comfortable with either or both.
If you listen on the Stitcher podcast player app, you can click the heart for a particular episode. On Overcast, you can click the star.
Well, I think I am finished! I am so excited to still be podcasting and to still love podcasting, even during the crazy times. I am really excited to not only be a part of this awesome community called podcasting. But I am excited and honored that you are listening and that these episodes are making a positive difference in your life.
See you in August!
Bye!
Articles of interest:
https://lifehacker.com/youll-never-make-money-podcasting-1838640571
GW Masterclass – Celebrating the Spinster
For this Gateway Women Masterclass Webinar, Jody Day, founder of Gateway Women, psychotherapist and author of ‘Living the Life Unexpected’ is joined by:
> Donna Ward: author of the 2020 memoir ‘She I Dare Not Name: A Spinster’s Meditations on Life’ donna-ward.com.au
> Civilla Morgan: author, blogger, and podcaster including her long-running podcast Childless Not By Choice. childlessnotbychoice.net
> Shani Silver: writer on the single life and the host of A Single Serving Podcast
shanisilver.com
To see more information about each of Jody’s guests, go to the webpage for the GW Masterclass at http://bit.ly/gw-mc-spinster
Filmed live and recorded on Sunday 6th June 2021
Episode 128–Who Would Steal a Baby?
Intro:
Hello, and welcome to episode 128 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you that you can live a joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, life.
I also welcome you if you are not childless not by choice. Maybe you did not want children, maybe you have children. Thank you for tuning in.
Correction:
I would like to issue a correction:
In episode 125–Are We Being Good Ancestors, the January 2021 episode; I made the comment that ‘only in America’, in reference to Kamala Harris becoming the first woman in such a high leadership role. I should have specified that for the first time in American history, Kamala Harris is the first woman to reach that level of leadership, Vice President of The United States of America, as there are obviously quite a few women running countries all over the world.
A listener brought that to my attention and even sent me a really cool video highlighting these wonderful female world leaders.
My apologies for the misspeak, and be sure to check out the really cool video. I watched it twice!
I’ve also put a PEW Research article link here in the show notes, that discusses amongst other things, childless women, and women in leadership roles. It’s a great article.
Body of episode content:
WARNING: This episode may cause all types of triggers. I mean just look at the title. So please listen in a safe place.
In fact, I will give you some time to hit the pause button or to get to a safe place, by telling you about my new habit.
So, I was Googling what we, the general human beings, celebrate in the month of April, and well, it’s a lot. Some things are like, really? Others are quite serious:
Here are some examples:
- Fresh Florida Tomato Month
- National Fresh Celery Month
- National Soft Pretzel Month
- National Straw Hat Month
- Prevention of Cruelty to Animals Month
- National Autism Awareness Month
- Stress Awareness Month
- Black Women’s History Month
- Celebrate Diversity Month
- National Arab American Heritage Month
- Sexual Assault Awareness Month
- Sexually Transmitted Infections Awareness Month
There are tons more, but I wanted to give you a list from the mundane to the quite serious. What stood out for me though, was National Take a Chance Day. I want to ask you to take a chance. It’s April, the beginning of the second quarter of 2021. Things are still iffy with the pandemic, but our governments are trying. And remember, none of us have been down this road before. We are all trying to figure things out. But even so, I believe there is something you can take a chance on. Why not start that book, that newsletter, a new exercise regimen, a food you have never had before. Talking to that person you are crushing on, or even talking to someone, a co-worker, someone you attend religious services with, who does not share your skin color or race.
There are so many things we can take a chance on, that really do not include too much risk. What’s the worst that could happen? We may find that we don’t like that food we’ve always wanted to try, although it may have been the way it was prepared.
We may find that the person we were crushing on felt the same about us, or that maybe they are not a good fit after talking to them.
We may find that starting that book or newsletter was easier than we thought. Or that co-worker or fellow churchgoer is really nice, or maybe not. But how would we know if we don’t take a chance? So, National Take a Chance Day is April 23rd. And maybe you’re listening after the 23rd, but I say take that chance. If you decide to, let me know! Now, onto our story.
Remember, this may be a tough one.
You may ask, ‘why does she talk about mental health so much?’ But the fact is, I hear quite a bit that regardless of what subject matter you are teaching, helping, coaching on; you do not have to be perfect to teach or lead others. You just have to be slightly ahead of them on the journey. Well, I’ll let you in on a secret: most days I feel slightly ahead like I am really helping you. But some days, my heart feels a little sad over the things that did not happen for me. I think it’s natural. And what’s even more natural is to recognize those days and then keep moving. I don’t think we should ignore our hearts when they are feeling sad or retrospective.
The reason I talk about mental health so much is because as childless not by choice women, we can often find ourselves inside our heads. And as we all know, inside our heads is not always the best place to be. It’s the reason journaling is suggested whenever we have been through a traumatic experience or when we just need to get something off of our chest. I believe we should journal even if there is not much going on in our lives. Journaling is healthy for our minds and for our souls.
Keeping things, anythings, bottled up inside is never a good idea. It will manifest either in a complete meltdown, usually at the wrong time, or a literal change in our personalities, and how we manage life.
If you need help, ask a trusted person in your life to assist you in getting that help. Journal. Continue to tune into this podcast. Join our Facebook groups. Interact with the childless not by choice in the groups. Realize that you are not the only one. You are not on an island by yourself.
It may sound trite. I know every situation is different. But I know community helps take us out of our own heads.
So, back in 2004, Lisa Montgomery concocted a plan that would end in the murder of the just 23-year-old Bobbi Jo Stinnet. Link in the show notes to the article on the story.
It sounds like yet another terrible murder until you realize that Lisa Montgomery drove several hours to Bobbi Jo Stinnett’s house under the guise of purchasing puppies, to carry out her plan. What she actually did when she got there was horrendous. What she did put her on death row.
On January 13, 2021, she was put to death for what she did. The first woman in 60 years to be put to death in her state.
I was initially not going to cover this story because Lisa had children, four of them. But I decided to go ahead. Because here’s the thing. Mental health is mental health. Lisa committed this horrendous murder in an attempt to manipulate a certain situation that was going on in her life. Her attorneys’ defense was that she had gone through a terrible childhood which included terrible abuse by her stepfather.
Lisa needed help. The level of abuse she endured from the very young age of about eight years according to some accounts, led her to do what she did.
According to one article, link in the show notes, Her second husband Kevin Montgomery noted that “The only thing I can think of is she wanted a baby so bad,”
It’s true, not everyone asks for help. In fact, most people believe they are just fine even though the entire world can see they clearly need help. And the fact is, in this world, you will seldom receive help if you do not ask for it.
Unfortunately, even when you ask you may not get the assistance you need. Sometimes it is because you are asking the wrong people. But I strongly suggest that you ask, and you keep asking.
When we do not have an advocate, and many of us do not; we will have to advocate for ourselves. Now I know, that is a learned behavior for many of us. It can be difficult, especially as women and in some societies, to stick up for ourselves. But please know, especially once you are an adult and no longer under the hand of those who should protect you but choose to abuse you instead, that you are worthy. You are worthy of obtaining the mental health you need. You are worthy of stopping the abuse that can continue from your parent’s home to your husband’s home.
You deserve advocacy, even and especially self-advocacy.
I have had the opportunity to interview several authors on this podcast. There is a book list on our Community page on the website, http://www.childlessnotbychoice.net. I have also created guides on the Childless not by Choice with Civilla Morgan Facebook group. Guide number five is a list of podcast episodes where I have interviewed childless not by choice authors. Please tune into these episodes. Please get these author’s books. Reading books written by women like us helps us to realize and maintain good, positive mental health. It is a type of advocacy when we can see ourselves in books and hear ourselves on podcast episodes.
Look, we have all been through some type of trauma in our lives. If we haven’t we will. I’m not wishing you ill will. But the fact is, life is hard. It’s filled with difficulty. It is filled with broken hearts, unfulfilled dreams, and unfulfilled plans. What do we do with all of that sadness?
In 1998, Gloria Williams dressed up as a nurse and walked into a Jacksonville, FL hospital. Her mission: steal a baby. She was almost caught as two other nurses ran down the hall with another patient who was in labor. They reminded the ‘nurse’ that she was not supposed to be arm carrying a baby. The rules were that medical staff were supposed to move babies by bassinet only.
Ms. Williams went back into the mother’s room, chatted her up some more, until the coast was clear, and walked out with the baby. She raised the baby as hers for the next 18 years, until the lie was finally brought to light in 2016.
She was facing 22 years in prison. She got 18. Her daughter still sees Ms. Williams as her mother, in fact asking that they not toss her in jail and throw away the key. Well, Ms. Williams got 18 years, which she said was ‘cruel and unusual punishment.’
According to the ABC News article, link in the show notes:
The NCMEC–National Center for Missing & Exploited Children says:
‘Many women who steal babies do so in a desperate attempt to keep a boyfriend or husband they fear may leave them if they don’t have a child to bind them together, analysis of past abduction cases has found. They are of child-bearing age and may already have children at home, the group says. They may pretend to be pregnant, they may have recently lost a baby due to miscarriage or they may suffer from a medical condition that prevents them from becoming pregnant themselves…’
So you see the profile the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children research proves. It is quite evident that not all baby abductions are done by childless not by choice women. Like any diabolical plan, there are different reasons people do these things.
But the bottom line is that we have the research to prove that childless not by choice women don’t go around stealing babies. But we already knew that, didn’t we?
The key for us is as I said before if we need help, we need to admit it and seek the help we need: therapy, journaling, Community.
You know, as I researched for this episode I came across a Reddit post where a woman said that her co-workers were telling her she should not babysit because she might be tempted to steal the baby, something like that. There are all types of really silly people out there saying things to hurt people. Sometimes they mean to, sometimes they do not. Either way, the hurt happens. What will you do about it? Start now, therapy, journaling, Community.
Patreon:
I would like to take a moment to thank the people who send me money every month. My Patreon Contributors.
Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!
If you are not yet a Patron and would like to join in, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution for as little as $5.00 per month! No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you, so be sure to leave your address. It is secure on the Patreon platform.
If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at booksbycivillamorgan@gmail.com.
Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!
https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice
- Jordan Morgan
- The Knights
- Susie
- Tiffany
- Your Name Here
https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice
Questions or comments? Contact me at:
Email: Info@civillamorgan.com
Or
Visit the website at http://www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.
***Suicide prevention phone number:
800-273-8255
Research links:
This is the link to the video I mentioned:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tUujjBqpxOg
This is episode 125–Are We Being Good Ancestors
https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-125-are-we-being-good-ancestors/
The following links are stories and articles related to our discussion on theft of babies:
https://www.smh.com.au/world/unborn-child-theft-ex-husband-steps-in-20041223-gdkd8e.html
https://abcnews.go.com/Health/baby-abductors-gloria-williams-fit-similar-profile/story?id=53081106
https://www.missingkids.org/blog/2019/post-update/who-would-steal-a-baby
Articles of interest:
https://www.thebalanceeveryday.com/april-is-national-month-calendar-3514983
Episodes and articles of interest:
https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-89-unexplained-infertility-aka-idiopathic-infertility/
This is the Instagram interview from Macbeth.childfree.childless:
https://www.instagram.com/p/CMw7oF-lpa_/?igshid=oz6d42xzm66j
https://www.thesun.ie/fabulous/6840289/kids-one-question-never-ask-woman-michelle-keegan/
Special thank you to:
My Patreon Patrons. To become a patron, please visit https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice
If you would like to make a donation without becoming a patron, visit my Paypal account at booksbycivillamorgan@gmail.com .
My contact information:
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If you would like to become a one-time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at info@civillamorgan.com for details.
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Well, thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice! Until next time! Bye!
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