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Why doesn’t the church talk about childlessness

Hello, and welcome to another episode of the Childless not by Choice Podcast, where my mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world. Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we did not have the children we so wanted. I also welcome you even if you do not fit the demographic. Maybe you did not want children, maybe you have children. Thanks for tuning in.  Welcome to episode 121!

 Today’s show…

Well, before we get into today’s show, why doesn’t the church talk about childlessness? I would like to stop and recognize that this month makes five years of podcasting, speaking to, and encouraging the hearts of the childless not by choice community globally! 

The platform itself is slightly older, with the podcast becoming the center of the platform. It does not make the other aspects of the platform: the blog, the community, the website, any less important, but honestly, the podcast is what really gets the word out. Once you listen to the episodes hopefully you are curious enough to come on in and explore the rest of the platform.

  If I stopped podcasting today I would still see this as one of my great accomplishments. I don’t mean this in a self-congratulatory way.

I believe the goal of creating a place for the childless not by choice community to come to; whether it is the Facebook groups, the newsletter, or the podcast; a place has been carved out for us, the childless not by choice demographic with this podcast, this platform. 

And I am grateful God chose me to do it. I am even more grateful that you are listening because that means you are finding value, getting help, and finding commiseration. Community. And you know how I feel about Community.      

Once again, thank you! 

So, there is a lot more in the show notes than what I have said. Please, please visit the show notes when you listen to the episodes. Every episode is chock full of great information. When I listen to podcasts I browse the show notes while I am listening. Unless I am driving of course. Never browse show notes while driving! In fact, as a podcaster, I listen to podcasts about podcasts. Those particular podcasts I listen to while I am at home, at my desk, because I sometimes take notes and follow up on suggestions literally while listening to the podcast. 

Some people have told me that they listen to this podcast without distraction. Some of my podcasts I listen to at night. Find your podcast listening groove. See what works for you.      

Patreon Contributors: I would also like to thank my patrons for their monthly financial contributions to the platform. If you would like to join the Patreon family of monthly contributors, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice, and set up your monthly contribution for as little as $5.00 per month! No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!  

And if you prefer to give a one time gift via PayPal, you can find me there at booksbycivillamorgan@gmail.com. Either way, your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!

 

https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice

  • Jordan Morgan
  • The Knights
  • Your Name Here


    Questions or comments? Contact me at:

Email: Info@civillamorgan.com

                                               Or

 

Visit the website at https://www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen, and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.

Stitcher Premium info:

Your Success Dashboard: https://app.periscopedata.com/shared/cab7b213-4764-4c6a-acb1-6cda055b4c4d?

Your Promo Code: NOTBYCHOICE

Stitcher Premium Promo Copy:

Wherever  — or however — you’re listening to this podcast right now, take a moment and check out Stitcher. Those of you listening on Stitcher already get why. For those who don’t know what Stitcher is, it is a FREE podcast app for iPhone and Android and home to over two hundred and sixty thousand podcasts. Stitcher also has smart recommendations, playlists, a car mode, even a sleep timer! While the Stitcher app is free to use, they also offer a Premium subscription service called Stitcher Premium that has exclusive bonus episodes from top shows, exclusive shows from top hosts, and ad-free listening all for only $4.99 per month or $34.99 per year. Check out Stitcher Premium today and remember to use Promo code NOTBYCHOICE.  

As I mentioned in the last episode, on Mother’s Day, a couple of months ago at this point,  we had a nice little get together in our Childless not by Choice with Civilla Morgan Facebook group.  It was nice to get together with other women who may have varying degrees of difficulty dealing with Mother’s Day. 

By the time you hear this episode, we would have had our July meeting. If you are not already a member of the Facebook group, come on over, answer the pre-entry questions, and join us in the group! If you do not fit the demographic, there is a Childless not by Choice with Civilla Morgan Supporters group as well.  

So one of the ladies in our Facebook group, Childless not by Choice with Civilla Morgan, asked why doesn’t the church talk about childless women…you know, barren women as the Bible calls us. And I got to thinking that the reason is the Bible never talked about a barren woman who remained barren. All of the barren women in the Bible’s stories ended up having children.  So then church folk are left to think from a wide range of thoughts, ‘just give it time’, to ‘what did you do wrong?’ to ‘What are you doing wrong?’

I was talking to a friend about the fact that I was working on this episode recently, and she said ‘well what about Anna? So let’s talk about Anna for a minute. Anna, not to be confused with Hannah. Because Hannah begged God for a child and ended up with six including her firstborn who would eventually become one of the most known prophets in the Old Testament, Samuel.  Not only was Samuel a prophet, but he was also a counselor to kings.

But Anna. Well, according to The New Testament, Luke [2:36], Anna was a prophetess who was quite elderly by the time she is mentioned. She had been married for seven years and then widowed for more than 80 years. She never remarried instead spending her time in the synagogue praying and fasting.

She met Jesus when his mother brought him to the temple as a baby.

As far as I have researched, she never had children. 

That’s Anna. Everyone else, all of the other barren women mentioned in the Bible who were childless and cried out to God, got an answer of ‘yes’. Rachel, Hannah, Sarah. Young, old, somewhere in between; they got their child. Sarah had Jacob. Rachel had Joseph and Benjamin. Hannah had Samuel and five other children.

Oh, by the way, the woman with the issue of blood, she may have had children before the issue. There is no mention of that, nothing came up in my research. 

The question and the title of this episode is ‘Why doesn’t the church talk about childlessness?’ But my question is ‘Why didn’t God talk about childlessness?’ Childlessness as in the woman who never got the child? I have some ideas. Some of them may seem like cop-outs, but well, here goes: 

  • First of all, I’m quite sure there were barren, aka childless women in that era. Childlessness is nothing new. I mean just biologically it would make sense, and remember, the women I mentioned earlier initially could not have children.   
  • Remember, women were considered next to nothing if they were childless. OK, they were considered worthless if they had no children.  In fact, although Hannah’s husband loved her dearly, when he realized they weren’t having children he brought on a second wife. He had to have children to carry the family line. Today, in some parts of the world, women are still looked on with disdain if they cannot have children. 

But listen to this: if a woman was wealthy enough, they could have a servant have a child for them. Which is what Sarah, Abraham’s wife, and Rachel–wife of Jacob, initially did. They had their maids sleep with their respective husbands and then raised the children their maids had as their own. Until in Sarah’s case, it was no longer convenient. Sarah’s maid had Ishmael, but then her maid began to forget her station in life, and Sarah wasn’t having any of that, she tried to have them–the maid and her son, her husband’s son, sent away. You can read the story. The link is in the show notes. 

We now live in a society where although we run into the random person who does not understand our childlessness and the pain that can come with that childlessness, I believe the women in that time had it much harder than we do today. Yes, if we are childless and in some cases also husbandless, we have concerns about our elder years, we are the sole breadwinner for our households, people wonder what is wrong with us, really? 

Back then, a woman’s son was her retirement plan. Basically, the more children she had, the better her elder years looked.

But back to the question, why doesn’t the church talk about childlessness? Why wasn’t there a direct story in the Bible about a woman who never had children? Yes, there was Anna. But why wasn’t her childlessness confirmed or highlighted? Why wasn’t there a direct story about a woman like me? Like you, if you are listening as a childless not by choice woman?     

 Could it be that there are so many problematic layers to the human condition, and in this case the issues around childlessness, that the church, like society, just wants every aspect of our lives to fit into neat little boxes, and when an issue does not fit, well, better to look the other way, remain silent, highlight the miracle baby, and highlight the woman who has children. We all love the cute, cuddly little people right? So if you cannot have one, well…it’s not like the church does not address the other issues people come into the church with such as alcoholism, adultery, lack, even hate. But childlessness? Well, maybe you’re not praying correctly. Or back to what I said earlier, something is wrong with you, you are doing something wrong, you did something wrong.

 In too few cases, the church talks about the true-life fact that God does not answer every prayer the way we want or ask. Some women will not marry? Some men will not marry. Some couples will not have children. Does that make us weird? 

Does your church have a singles ministry for people to be normal in their singleness, without feeling like they are attending a meat market every time there is a singles event? Could we have a singles event where we can allow people to possibly meet their future spouse organically?

Can we have conventions where we have a breakout session for childless couples, childless women, etc? Is it possible for the church to see us instead of looking the other way instead of treating us like unanswered prayers? I have hope. 

We are living in a time of great change. And that great change is including the church whether the church likes it or not. I am hoping that change will allow for more inclusivity of those of us who tend to live on the fringes, in the cracks, you know, as in ‘we tend to fall into the cracks’.

And then we pretend we’re OK but we know that on some level we are being judged. Judged that we did not get the spouse. Judged that we did not have the child. Judged because our family of one or if you did get the spouse, a family of two; doesn’t quite look ‘normal’.   

Look, the fact is I don’t know why God didn’t mention the barren woman, but I do know that’s no excuse for the church not to mention her because there are other issues God did not go into great detail about, but the church has a definite opinion on how to deal with those issues. 

 I think the church may be having a tough time dealing with childlessness because there is a scripture that says And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth…”–Genesis 1:28. Most theologians take that to mean go and have tons of kids.  And hey, maybe so. But so time back I had a conversation with someone who said that in the case of childlessness, it could also mean for us to be fruitful in our work. Whatever work we are given to do. 

Childlessness does not mean we do not have a calling on our lives. It does not mean that we should be forgotten, blamed, or ignored. It simply means that our hopes and dreams did not work out the way we expected and that God does not say yes to every prayer.   

     

Articles, links, and all that good stuff: 

  • There was also a prophet, Anna, the daughter of Penuel, of the tribe of Asher. She was very old; she had lived with her husband seven years after her marriage, 37 and then was a widow until she was eighty-four.[a] She never left the temple but worshiped night and day, fasting and praying.–Luke [2:36]-37.
  • “And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.”–Genesis [1:28]

 

Special thank you to:

To the wonderful ladies in the Facebook group.

To the wonderful supporters in the Supporters group. 

To the wonderful listeners all over the world.

To those who have subscribed to the podcast. 

To those who have subscribed to the newsletter, thank you for your patience. 

To those who give financially on a monthly basis.

My contact information:

Website: https://www.childlessnotbychoice.net and http://www.civillamorgan.com
Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan
Twitter: @civilla1
Instagram: @joyandrelevance
Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM
LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM
https://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice



If you would like to become a one time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at info@civillamorgan.com for details. 

Remember, subscription to the podcast is free. Simply go to Apple Podcast, Stitcher Radio, Spotify, Overcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Search for Childless not by Choice, and hit the subscribe button. It’s that easy! 

Also, remember, if you would like to be a guest blogger, remember to click the link on the bottom right of the home page of the childlessnotbychoice.net website for instructions. 


Well, thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice! Until next time! Bye!

‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’

 

‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.

Episode 120–Let’s Talk About IT

Hello, and welcome to another episode of the Childless not by Choice Podcast, where my mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world. Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we did not have the children we so wanted. I also welcome you even if you do not fit the demographic. Maybe you did not want children, maybe you have children. Thanks for tuning in.  Welcome to episode –120!

When I started this podcast I had no idea. I could just end that sentence right there. I mean, no idea what I was doing, no idea of the deep valley moments of lost episodes, ruined episodes, tears of frustration. And the mountaintop moments where I got the interview! The authors, the suggested episode topics from people listening from halfway around the world. The emails and Facebook Messenger messages from people who wanted to remain anonymous. The words of encouragement, the care package from a listener in Hawaii or funding for lavalier mics from a listener way in the northern part of our planet. I had no idea.  

I had no idea I would make it to 120 episodes. Podfading is a real thing. It typically happens around episode 7.  You just realize this podcasting thing is not for you, or maybe life gets in the way. And you stop, promising yourself you will be back. But…

And life did happen to me. As my mom became more ill, I went from two episodes per month to one. I’m on my third podcast producer in five years. I have decided that going forward I will take a two-month break in October and November. That saved my sanity last year.     

I’m humbled. I’m thankful to you for listening and tuning in month after month. I’m thankful for your episode suggestions. I am thankful for your letters and notes as they encourage me just as much as you say this podcast encourages you. Every once in a while I still have imposter syndrome. But I push through and keep writing and creating. I mean, am I an imposter if I’ve been writing since I was 11 years old?  Maybe. But I love to write, I love to create with my writing.  And look, there’s a 120 episode just about five-year-old podcast here. I had no idea!

Thank you! Now please tell someone about this podcast!    

Patreon Contributors: I would also like to thank my patrons for their monthly financial contributions to the platform. If you would like to join the Patreon family of monthly contributors, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice, and set up your monthly contribution for as little as $5.00 per month! No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!  

And if you prefer to give a one time gift via PayPal, you can find me there at booksbycivillamorgan@gmail.com. Either way, your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!

 

https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice

  • Jordan Morgan
  • The Knights
  • Your Name Here


    Questions or comments? Contact me at:

Email: Info@civillamorgan.com

                                               Or

 

Visit the website at https://www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.

Stitcher Premium info:

Your Success Dashboard: https://app.periscopedata.com/shared/cab7b213-4764-4c6a-acb1-6cda055b4c4d?

Your Promo Code: NOTBYCHOICE

Stitcher Premium Promo Copy:

Wherever  — or however — you’re listening to this podcast right now, take a moment and check out Stitcher. Those of you listening to Stitcher already get why. For those who don’t know what Stitcher is, it is a FREE podcast app for iPhone and Android and home to over two hundred and sixty thousand podcasts. Stitcher also has smart recommendations, playlists, a car mode, even a sleep timer! While the Stitcher app is free to use, they also offer a Premium subscription service called Stitcher Premium that has exclusive bonus episodes from top shows, exclusive shows from top hosts, and ad-free listening all for only $4.99 per month or $34.99 per year. Check out Stitcher Premium today and remember to use Promo code NOTBYCHOICE.  

Body of episode content:

Let’s talk about it. There is a pandemic going on, there is social unrest in America, we watched a man murdered on video in broad daylight, in 2020, solely because of the color of his skin. And here we are thinking it’s the 21st century and we are more civilized. 

 Other countries marched in commiseration and agreement with us, that police brutality against people of color must stop. We saw you on the news, and we thank you, from New Zealand to South Korea, to Australia, to Scotland, to South Africa, to Canada. The Indigenous people of Australia, the Maori, The Native Americans, we see you. We are all human first. And if we are alive, if we made it through the birth canal, we deserve at the minimum, basic human respect. 

 There is social unrest in other countries, for various reasons. Wherever you are listening from there is probably some breaking news. There’s always breaking news. 

And there is a lot of stress. Our own personal stresses. Bills, joblessness due to the pandemic or not, caring for loved ones, worrying about our personal future and the future of our respective countries.  Yes, we childless not by choice women have worries too. I have said it in previous episodes, we pay taxes into school districts to which we have no kids enrolled. That’s not a hater or hateful comment. It is a fact. 

We have concerns. They may be different concerns than those with children, but they are just as valid.  

Whew, talk about stress! What to do?! 

Well, I talk about what to do in episode 118. How to keep the stress levels down, getting mental health help by talking to a trusted friend or counselor. And taking time for yourself.

I talk about recognizing and dealing with triggers in episode 94. Be sure to check out both episodes, links are in the show notes. 

Also in the show notes is a four-minute recording called ‘Privilege is like a Blanket’. Check it out!   

So, in light of everything that is going on, and although I created that four-minute episode I mentioned about privilege being like a blanket, I want to go deeper.  Because I would bet all I have, that America is not the only country where racism exists. 

And more to the point, it is not the only country where implicit bias and racism are built into every part of the human existence. From kindergarten to the nursing home, people of color have been and are being treated with implicit bias. I put a link in the show notes about a doctor, an educated man, who is also a lawmaker, asking if the virus is affecting people of color more because we’re not washing our hands. Yes, it’s 2020 and people with this filthy mindset are walking among us. It’s scary. This guy could have been my doctor. I’m not a mind reader. Discernment of his stupidity might be the only thing that might have saved me from continuing to go to him.

So, if implicit bias exists in all aspects of our lives, even healthcare, what about the healthcare of childless not by choice women? 

Aha! Great question. 

Women who have been sterilized down through history:

It’s estimated that as many as 25-50 percent of Native American women were sterilized between 1970 and 1976. Forced sterilization programs are also a part of history in Puerto Rico, where sterilization rates are said to be the highest in the world. Google–Jan 29, 2016

Imagine going to the hospital for a common surgical procedure such as an appendectomy, only to find out afterward that you’d been sterilized. In the 20th century, untold numbers of women of color endured such life-altering experiences in part because of medical racism. Black, Native American, and Puerto Rican women report being sterilized without their consent after undergoing routine medical procedures or after giving birth.

Others say they unknowingly signed documentation allowing them to be sterilized or were coerced into doing so. The experiences of these women strained relations between people of color and healthcare personnel. In the 21st century, members of communities of color still widely distrust medical officials.

Women who have had surgeries they did not need, and yes this can happen to women of any race:

An estimated 7.5 million unnecessary medical and surgical procedures are performed annually with the number of unnecessary hospital stays around 8.9 million a year… 

–Google

So, as we close out here, I wanted to remind you of a couple of things. If you are a member of the Childless not by choice with Civilla Morgan Facebook group, we had a little get together in our Facebook group on Mother’s Day! And now we are planning on having another get together in July, but this time it will be in Zoom so that more of us can come on video. Facebook only allows two people at a time. That’s not a real party! So, there is a poll going in the group, be sure to choose the date that works for you. Majority wins. I will post the date and time in the group, and the Zoom link a few minutes before we start.

Be sure to check out the show notes. I put links in there to the two episodes I discussed in this episode, and there’s a bunch of other stuff. Always check the show notes! 

Articles of note:

https://supchina.com/2020/06/09/the-troll-who-shamed-yang-liping-for-childlessness-condemns-online-abuse-after-controversy/

https://childlessnotbychoice.net/bonus-episode-privilege-its-like-a-blanket/

https://childlessnotbychoice.net/triggers-how-to-recognize-them-face-them-and-deal-with-them/

https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-118-that-virus-sets-new-boundaries/

Articles used for this episode:

https://www.americanbar.org/groups/crsj/publications/human_rights_magazine_home/the-state-of-healthcare-in-the-united-states/racial-disparities-in-health-care/

https://www.nytimes.com/2020/06/11/us/politics/steve-huffman-african-americans-coronavirus.html

https://www.thoughtco.com/u-s-governments-role-sterilizing-women-of-color-2834600

https://www.cnn.com/2019/11/11/health/virginia-doctor-hysterectomies-trnd/index.html

https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2013/06/18/unnecessary-surgery-usa-today-investigation/2435009/

https://www.washingtonpost.com/dc-md-va/2019/11/11/an-obgyn-mutilated-women-with-unnecessary-hysterectomies-tube-ties-cleanouts-feds-say/

My contact information:

Website: https://www.childlessnotbychoice.net and http://www.civillamorgan.com
Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan
Twitter: @civilla1
Instagram: @joyandrelevance
Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM
LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM
https://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice



If you would like to become a one time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at info@civillamorgan.com for details. 

Remember, subscription to the podcast is free. Simply go to Apple Podcast, Stitcher Radio, Spotify, Overcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Search for Childless not by Choice, and hit the subscribe button. It’s that easy! 


Well, thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice! Until next time! Bye!

‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’

 

‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.

Until next time, Bye!  

Bonus episode–Privilege–It’s Like a Blanket

As a Podcaster, fortunate to have a platform where I speak to and encourage the childless not by choice global community, I feel humbled and thankful.

I could not continue on, however, without addressing the social and civil unrest, AND the rightful marches of protests that are currently happening in the United States where I live.

I am heartbroken to have had to see in 2020, a man murdered in broad daylight by the person who was supposed to protect and serve him. The first time I shed tears was the day his brother arrived at the site where he was murdered. My heart broke yet again. Every time I see his brother I cry. It could have been my family member.

It’s the 21st Century, but for many people of color, it could be the 1960’s, the 1860’s, or earlier in human history where people of color were enslaved and dehumanized.

Having a two-term black president did not seem to help much although it was much more than I thought I would see in my lifetime.  Yet here we go again.

I recognize that I have listeners from around the world and that the laws of your country may be different than the laws of The United States of America. But I believe you will still understand the meaning of this four-minute recording I created in honor of Mr. George Lloyd and all of the people of color who have died, unarmed, at the hand of the law keepers of this land.

Thank you for listening.

Episode–119 Mothers Day 2020

Mother’s Day 2020

 

Intro:

Hello, and welcome to another episode of the Childless not by Choice Podcast, where my mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world. Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we did not have the children we so wanted. I also welcome you if you do not fit the demographic. Maybe you did not want children, maybe you have children. Thanks for tuning in.  Welcome to episode 119!

 

Well, we have some things to talk about this Mother’s Day. But before we get into that…

Patreon Contributors: I would like to thank my patrons for their monthly financial contributions to the platform. If you would like to join the Patreon family of monthly contributors, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice, and set up your monthly contribution for as little as $5.00 per month! No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!  

And if you prefer to give a one time gift via PayPal, you can find me there at booksbycivillamorgan@gmail.com. Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!

 

https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice

  • Jordan Morgan
  • The Knights
  • Your Name Here

I also wanted to share something with you:

Wherever  — or however — you’re listening to this podcast right now, take a moment and check out Stitcher. Those of you listening on Stitcher already get why. For those who don’t know what Stitcher is, it is a FREE podcast app for iPhone and Android and home to over two hundred and sixty thousand podcasts. Stitcher also has smart recommendations, playlists, a car mode, even a sleep timer! While the Stitcher app is free to use, they also offer a Premium subscription service called Stitcher Premium that has exclusive bonus episodes from top shows, exclusive shows from top hosts, and ad-free listening all for only $4.99 per month or $34.99 per year. Check out Stitcher Premium today and remember to use Promo code NOTBYCHOICE.  

Questions or comments? Contact me at:

Email: Info@civillamorgan.com

                                               Or

 

Visit the website at https://www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.

So…let me start by saying this, although it may sound like I am starting a conversation in the middle of a sentence…

  • Being kind to yourself alleviates the painful words and nonsense from family, friends and strangers. When you are kind to yourself, you like yourself.  
  • You have to like you, sincerely like you, faults, and warts, and all. And when that happens, then you will get to the point where you love yourself. I’m not talking about a prideful, haughty, perfectionist like or love. I am talking about a self-respecting love despite faults and failures. You must know that no one is perfect, not even beautiful you.  We will all have faults and failures. The key is to know what they are. Look them in the eye and know them. Then make the decision every day not to allow them to define you.  When you do that, failures will happen, but much less often than if you pretended you were perfect and everyone else was at fault.  This is a great segue to point number three…
  • We are all in different places in our cnbc journey in particular, and in our life journey in general. This means we cannot compare our journey to someone else’s. Look, there can be a group of childless not by choice women sitting chatting together, and one of the women in the group can be so deep in her grief she might be thinking to herself that another woman in the group doesn’t seem so dissatisfied with her life. This woman probably did not want kids to begin with.  And nothing could be further from the truth. It just so happens that this sincerely happy woman is at a place in her life where she has achieved acceptance. See what I did there? The key word is achieved. It takes work to reach acceptance. And even after acceptance has been achieved, she may still have moments that last a few seconds or a few minutes where she feels a tug, a whisper, of what might have been.   
  • Grief, you know? It doesn’t completely disappear, it blends into the fabric of who we are, our experiences. It doesn’t get erased, forgotten, or ignored. 
  • So, when the insensitivities come, and they will, they will be met with, if not now, at some point on your journey, proper boundaries of self-respect and self-love. Such healthy boundaries will allow us to deal with insensitivity year-round, but especially on Mother’s Day.  
  • Well, I could not end this bittersweet Mother’s Day without wishing my own mommy a Happy Mother’s Day. My heart is still broken into a million pieces. May 6th will be a year, but it feels like just yesterday that she left this earth where she was bound by constant pain. I miss her more than words can say. And my subconscious knows it because the closer we get to May 6th, 2020, the more my heartaches. The more I feel the tears coursing down my face out of nowhere.  It’s amazing how little the world cares about your loss, and how much that small circle of friends does. I am so thankful for the wonderful women who have rallied around me.  They know who they are. The wonderful women who are physically nearby, and the wonderful admins in our childless not by choice group who have their own lives to deal with, but still tend to our Facebook group. Thank you to all of you for checking in, for praying, for kind words, for community.  Whether you are a mother or not, you have the heart of a mother, and no one can take that away from you.

Episode takeaways:

‘The closer we get to May 6th 2020, the more the tears course down my face out of nowhere.’

‘Thank you to all of you for checking in, for your kind words, for community.’

‘Mother’s Day is not easy for so many reasons.’

‘I don’t like to say things like ‘she’s in a better place…I’d rather say she’s in a place where there is no pain.’

‘As a Believer, I know she is in Heaven, and I know Heaven is a much better place than this earth, but I prefer to say she is in a place where there is no pain.’  

‘Whether you are a mother or not, you have the heart of a mother, and no one can take that away from you. Happy Mother’s Day.’ 

‘You’re where you’re supposed to be.’

 

Special thank you to:

Stitcher Premium.

My contact information:

Website: https://www.childlessnotbychoice.net and http://www.civillamorgan.com
Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan
Twitter: @civilla1
Instagram: @joyandrelevance
Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM
LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM
https://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice


If you would like to become a one time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at info@civillamorgan.com for details. 

Remember, subscription to the podcast is free. Simply go to Apple Podcast, Stitcher Radio, Spotify, Overcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Search for Childless not by Choice, and hit the subscribe button. It’s that easy! 


Well, thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice! Until next time! Bye!

‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’

 

‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.

 

Episode 118–That virus sets new boundaries

Hello, and welcome to another episode of the Childless not by Choice Podcast, where my mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world. Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we did not have the children we so wanted. I also welcome you even if you do not fit the demographic. Maybe you did not want children, maybe you have children. Thanks for tuning in.  Welcome to episode 118!

What is today’s show? How CoronaVirus sets new boundaries.

Patreon Contributors: I would also like to thank my patrons for their monthly financial contributions to the platform. If you would like to join the Patreon family of monthly contributors, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice, and set up your monthly contribution for as little as $5.00 per month! No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!  

And if you prefer to give a one time gift via PayPal, you can find me there at booksbycivillamorgan@gmail.com. Either way, your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!

https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice

  • Jordan Morgan
  • The Knights
  • Your Name Here


    Questions or comments? Contact me at:

Email: Info@civillamorgan.com

                                               Or

 

Visit the website at https://www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.

CoronaVirus sets new boundaries!  

If you have been a part of our CNBC family for any time, you know how much I discuss and completely believe in the importance of boundaries because I believe proper boundaries promote positive mental health. When we allow others-family, friends, co-workers, etc, to cross boundaries by guilting us into running errands because we do not have children. When we allow them to speak to us in a negative way. And when we allow people to continually push us into acquiescing to a decision we did not originally want to make because they think our voice is unimportant, we are allowing them to cross boundaries and normalize disrespect.

Make sure that you have set kind but firm boundaries in every aspect of your life. Setting boundaries takes time and patience–with yourself and with others. Be nice, keep trying, and know it will be worth it!

Speaking of boundaries, how does Covid 19 affect those of us who are childless not by choice?  

  • Family interactions–stay in place, stay at home, but suppose you have elderly family members who need help, it can seem overwhelming, confusing, and crazy.  
  • Family looks different to the childless not by choice person–as childless not by choice people, sometimes we have fewer people to interact with anyway.   
  • We may not have children of our own, but for many of us, there are children or young people in our lives that we care about immensely. We care about how they are doing, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. We want them to be OK. Isn’t that beautiful? We still get to share ourselves, just not in the way we expected we would. Now that many of us are ‘staying in place’, that gives us more time to get in contact, at a safe distance, with those same young people or elderly people in our lives. Do it! We will probably never have this amount of time again.   
  • When we are young we feel like we will live forever, but we need to follow the CDC guidelines. Many people outside of the at-risk demographic are now getting sick and even dying. Follow the guidelines. Stay home as much as you can, only going out if you absolutely need to. I know it’s not easy, but that six feet of social distancing can save your life. There is a ton of information out there and I know we are on information overload right now, but I am putting a link to a great article from All Recipes in the show notes. You may ask what does a recipe have to do with fighting the CoronaVirus, but trust me, I really like the way the article was written, and how informative it was. And I LOVE All Recipes. And no, they are not paying me to mention them here. But not only do I like the fact that they post real-life, doable recipes, but they also respond when you post a comment on Facebook! They really do exist! LOL.   
  • Consider those in our families who are at risk or the person who has pre-existing conditions. As I mentioned earlier, consider the safety of those around you who are elderly, and/or at risk. And remember, we may not always know who is at risk. There are many young and younger people out there who have unseen conditions. Let’s just consider each other as we go about our day, even if we are staying in place. And I would be remiss if I did not mention that on top of dealing with the overwhelming situation we find ourselves in as a world, some of us are also caregivers. We are supposed to be six feet apart at all times, social distancing; but we are also caring for an elderly parent or other family members. How are we supposed to do that? It’s not easy. But the best we can do is the best we can do! By the way, where we can, we should help our elderly or at-risk neighbors who may not have family members to help them. If we can’t help directly, we can help by donating time to an elder care center or even donating food to a food bank. There are a lot of people who have lost jobs and income, a lot of elderly who have lost support because their support has been furloughed or laid off. What is happening in our world right now is truly a major domino effect.
  • Get the mental health help you need. This is so important I wanted to discuss it last, just before we end our time together. We were already battling the emotions that come with the loss of the ability to have a child, to have the family we envisioned. We were dealing with decisions we would have to make about every day, now probably innocuous events. We were dealing with life the way we were learning to deal with it as childless women and men, and then on top of that, a pandemic hits everyone. And we all know that everyone deals with these types of events in different ways. In addition to handling stress in different ways, people’s true colors begin to come out, the scam artists come out in full force to take advantage of people. There are layers and layers of things happening that cause such stress. Some people have just suffered major losses and now have to deal with this temporary new normal. If you are feeling overwhelmed please, please seek help. Speak to a trusted friend or a professional; someone who can speak with you objectively. Many major corporations offer therapy assistance through their EAP’s–employee assistance programs. Please do not be afraid to ask for help. I had to get help twice in my life: once after my hysterectomy. And then more recently when my mom passed. In fact, I am writing the content for this episode the day after her official birthday, and on the day we celebrated it. My mom always said that her mother said she was born on the 29th of March, but the hospital put the 30th on her birth certificate. They never changed it, so we celebrated on the 30th. It has been 10 months since she passed and I miss her so much sometimes I can hardly take it. She was in pain for many years, and now she is not. Now I must continue on with life, with my new normal. And then a global pandemic. It can be more than overwhelming. Seek assistance. Don’t be afraid. Please check out the links I’ve put in the show notes.    

Resources:

https://childlessnotbychoice.net/category/resources/

https://www.allrecipes.com/syndication/how-to-keep-the-coronavirus-from-coming-home-with-you/?utm_term=63B9DA34-72DE-11EA-A79B-162A50017A06&utm_campaign=allrecipes_allrecipes&utm_content=internalsyndication_coronavirus_parents&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_medium=social&fbclid=IwAR0SJmroD0wliQnNl6u_5YqFIfgFWc5Ehky3o93CP91du-eZUe9zTZ6HCj4

My contact information:

Website: https://www.childlessnotbychoice.net and http://www.civillamorgan.com
Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan
Twitter: @civilla1
Instagram: @joyandrelevance
Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM
LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM
https://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice



If you would like to become a one time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at info@civillamorgan.com for details. 

Remember, subscription to the podcast is free. Simply go to Apple Podcast, Stitcher Radio, Spotify, Overcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Search for Childless not by Choice, and hit the subscribe button. It’s that easy! 


Well, thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice! Until next time! Bye!

‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’

 

‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.

 

Episode 117 – It’s not that simple!

Hello, and welcome to another episode of the Childless not by Choice Podcast, where my mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world. Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we did not have the children we so wanted. I also welcome you even if you do not fit the demographic. Maybe you did not want children, maybe you have children. Thanks for tuning in. 

Welcome to episode 117!

Patreon Contributors: I would also like to thank my patrons for their monthly financial contributions to the platform. If you would like to join the Patreon family of monthly contributors, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice, and set up your monthly contribution for as little as $5.00 per month! No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!  

And if you prefer to give a one time gift via PayPal, you can find me there at booksbycivillamorgan@gmail.com. Either way, your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!

https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice

  • Jordan Morgan
  • The Knights
  • Your Name Here


    Questions or comments? Contact me at:

Email: Info@civillamorgan.com

                                               Or

 

Visit the website at https://www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.

Episode content:

It’s not just about being childless not by choice. It’s not, dare I say, that simple. There is so much more to it. 

Episodes mentioned in the podcast:

https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-89-unexplained-infertility-aka-idiopathic-infertility/

https://childlessnotbychoice.net/triggers-how-to-recognize-them-face-them-and-deal-with-them/

From the Shop page:

https://childlessnotbychoice.net/product/blueprint-for-your-goals-and-visions/

Articles of interest:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-single/202001/people-who-never-have-children-21-facts-500-years

My contact information:

Website: https://www.childlessnotbychoice.net and http://www.civillamorgan.com
Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan
Twitter: @civilla1
Instagram: @joyandrelevance
Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM
LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM
https://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice



If you would like to become a one time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at info@civillamorgan.com for details. 

Remember, subscription to the podcast is free. Simply go to Apple Podcast, Stitcher Radio, Spotify, Overcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Search for Childless not by Choice, and hit the subscribe button. It’s that easy! 

Well, thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice! Until next time! Bye!

‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’

 ‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.

Episode 116–My Conversation with Dave Jackson

Hello everyone! Welcome back to Childless not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world. Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we did not have the children we so wanted. Welcome to episode 116! And welcome to February!

I hope you have taken a moment and gone to the Shop page of the website for your link to Blueprints for your goals and visions.  This blueprint will walk you through your goals and visions for the entire year. And the best part is you can use the same blueprint every year!  

https://childlessnotbychoice.net/product/blueprint-for-your-goals-and-visions/ 

It is a great way to get your new year off to a great start! The link is in the show notes. 

Questions or comments? Contact me at:

Email: civilla@civillamorgan.com

                                               Or

 

Visit the website at https://www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.

Well, we have a guest today! 

On today’s show, we have…

an award-winning podcaster who has been podcasting since April 2005! He has been helping people understand technology for over 20 years, he launched the School of Podcasting in 2005, and he has helped hundreds of people launch podcasts. He has recorded hundreds of episodes maybe even thousands of his own!  He is literally one of the OG’s of podcasting, and he is in the Podcasting Hall of Fame! Dave Jackson, welcome to the show!

Questions:

  • How many podcasts total?  ‘School of Podcasting’ and ‘Ask the podcast coach’ building a better dave’ 
  • Congratulations on all of the accolades, accomplishments, and success in the world of podcasting! And you have a teaching degree correct? What grade level did you teach?
  • How have you decided to deal with the parts of life that did not work out the way you expected? 
  • But there can tend to feel like something is missing unless you have come to terms?
  • Life not turning out as expected causes one to have empathy for others on life’s journey? faith
  • Do you think that getting to teach, whether children or would be podcasters, is the salve to your heart and to your life?
  • Could you leave us with a word of encouragement?
  • Where can we find you online?

How to find Dave Jackson online:

https://powerofpodcasting.com/

Patreon Contributors: I would like to thank my Patreon contributors Whether you contribute via patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice, or you go to the website and contribute via PayPal, your contributions are appreciated and used to help the platform to get the word out. Thank you! 

My Patrons: 

Jordan Morgan

The Knights

Articles of interest:

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/nov/17/male-childlessness-not-reproducing-what-am-i

https://www.abc.net.au/life/childfree-men-on-leaving-behind-a-legacy-and-other-pressures/11274052

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3DKJOAmzXP4

Click here for help with creating your goals and visions: 

https://childlessnotbychoice.net/product/blueprint-for-your-goals-and-visions/

My contact information:

Website: https://www.childlessnotbychoice.net and http://www.civillamorgan.com
Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan
Twitter: @civilla1
Instagram: @joyandrelevance
Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM
LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM
https://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice


If you would like to become a one time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at info@civillamorgan.com for details. 

Remember, subscription to the podcast is free. Simply go to Apple Podcast, Stitcher Radio, Spotify, Overcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Search for Childless not by Choice, and hit the subscribe button. It’s that easy! 

Thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice! Until next time! Bye!

‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’

 

‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.

Episode 115–Facing childlessness with art, my interview with Dr. Krista Cooper

Hello everyone! Welcome back to Childless not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world. Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we did not have the children we so wanted. Welcome to episode 115

Welcome to the first episode of 2020! 

What is today’s show about?

Patreon Contributors: I would also like to thank my Patreon contributor Ivy Calhoun for her monthly financial contribution to the platform. Whether you contribute via patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice, or you go to the website and contribute via PayPal, your contributions are appreciated and used to help the platform to get the word out. Thank you!

 

https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice

  • Jordan Morgan
  • The Knights
  • Questions or comments? Contact me at:

Email: civilla@civillamorgan.com

                                               Or

 Visit the website at https://www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.

Intro:

Krista Cooper PhD, LLMSW is a native of Hartford, CT, of Jamaican heritage. 

she attended Oakwood College in Huntsville, Alabama where her love of languages and the written word resulted in a change of major from Pre-Med to English and Spanish. While at Oakwood, she also studied for a year at Colegio Adventista de Sagunto, Spain.  After obtaining her Bachelor of Arts degrees in English and Spanish, Dr. Cooper obtained her Master of Social Work from the University of Michigan. 

After graduation, she worked as an Intake and Assessment Social Worker in the Children and Families Division as well as working as a Substance Misuse social worker in the United Kingdom. Other areas of work experience include geriatric populations and mental health work with children and adults.  

In 2012, prior to the completion of her doctoral studies, Dr. Cooper accepted an Assistant Professor of Social Work position at Andrews University. While there and completing her dissertation, she began experiencing several health and life challenges related to uterine fibroids. This sparked an interest in exploring in more depth the experiences of women living with reproductive health challenges. 

Upon completion of her doctoral studies in 2014, and her own subsequent healing process, Dr. Cooper applied for a grant that would allow her to explore the aforementioned area. She was granted funding for research entitled, ‘Identity and Experience: The Lives of Women Living with Symptomatic Uterine Fibroids.’ Results from the study and its focus on individual story prompted her to start Reproductively Yours LLC which focuses on reducing the stigma associated with women’s reproductive narratives through education, story work, creativity and community building. Her greatest desire is for women that currently live or have lived with reproductive health challenges to know that they are not alone.  

Welcome to the show Dr. Cooper!  

  1. So you finally gave in to the prompting you felt in your heart, to start your business, what are your dreams for this business? What types of people are you hoping to help? Where do you see your business, your platform, by the end of 2020?

*The cost of IVF is around $10k for each cycle, was that a prompt for you to start your company correct?

Faith and childlessness

Christian community

Nutrition and self-care

Understanding who I am and who God created me to be

Reproductive health challenges and reproductive health trauma: Reproductively Yours.

  1. I was intrigued by the list of people and issues you wanted to or have researched. 
  • Researches reproductive issues–

Afro Caribbean women living with HIV

Being a woman

Being an immigrant

Being a black female immigrant 

Majority of women she interviews are Jamaican or Trinidadian

Do these subject matters, issues all tie together? How?  

  1. So, let’s talk about something we and many of our listeners know so much about, fibroids.   

We talked about our horrific experiences with fibroids, being in the car or out and having accidents, iron so low it was difficult for you to breathe, needing to have IV iron all dealing with this with no family around nearby, no real support system, then finding out after graduating college that early menopause had set in… 

Getting to be able to speak with other women who were going through the same things with fibroids, hysterectomy. 

So you got a grant through your college to research women who are dealing with these issues.   

During your research, qualitative research, you realized you were also researching yourself!

 She was having difficulties, feeling tired and worn out, and realized it was because the content was so close to home, she ended up allowing a friend to interview her and that was when everything started to fall into place. 

She read a quote that says ‘ the best research is research where the results lead back to yourself.’–Basal Vander Kolk.   

5) Working on writing a paper that includes the arts.  

Tell us more about the paper you are looking to write which will include another type of media: art.

6)  Did we miss anything? Tell the world!

Mentioned in the podcast:

https://www.besselvanderkolk.net/index.html

My contact information:

Website: https://www.childlessnotbychoice.net and http://www.civillamorgan.com
Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan
Twitter: @civilla1
Instagram: @joyandrelevance
Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM
LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM
https://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice

Episode 114–The Holidays, The Loneliest Time of the Year

Hello everyone! Welcome back to Childless not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world. Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life! Welcome to episode 114! 

Happy December!

This episode is brought to you by the ‘Your Blueprint for your Goals and Visions’ program which can be found on the shop page of our website, https://www.childlessnotbychoice.net, It is literally a template, a blueprint that I created after years of researching how successful people plan for the new year. It’s simple. For a small investment in yourself this new year, download the template, fill in the blanks, and follow your decisions monthly, quarterly, bi-annually, and annually. The sooner you download the template, the sooner you can get a jump on the new year. 

You have the freedom to tweak and change what you want in the template, but the key is to work with the template throughout the year, allowing it to help you.  You get to witness your own mental, emotional, spiritual, and even physical growth! Place your order on the website and get to work on you!   

Patreon Contributors: I would like to thank my Patreon contributors. Remember, you may contribute via patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice, or you may go to the website and click on the donate button.  Your monthly contributions via Patreon or your one-time donations are appreciated and used to help the platform to get the word out. Thank you!

 

https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice

  • Jordan Morgan
  • The Knights


Questions or comments? Contact me at:

Email: Info@civillamorgan.com

                                               Or

Visit the website at https://www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.

It’s December! We are now smack dab in the middle of the Holiday Season, and 2019 is coming to a close! It’s been a tough year for many of us. I know some of us are ready to see it go bye-bye! If you are in the United States or you are an ex-pat, we celebrated Thanksgiving last month. I hope you had a wonderful family get together. And if you kept your own company, that’s great too. You know we introverts love our own company! 

So, there are a lot of changes taking place. I am finding that losing a parent changes you to the core. From big things to little things.  The stages of grief are real. They are real no matter what or whom we grieve. 

Remember, if you are grieving any type of loss, the holidays can tend to exacerbate those feelings. Here are just some of the things you can do to take the edge off whether you are navigating being childless during the holidays, or grieving the loss of a loved one:

  1. Seek therapy, and try to do so well before the Holidays so you get a head start on the feelings and emotions the Holidays can manifest.  But either way, it is never too late to strengthen your mental health.
  2. Speak to a trusted friend or religious leader. Talking to a good listener is a great release. 
  3. Take a bubble bath and take a good book to read or listen to. Or take Netflix, Amazon Prime, or your favorite TV app and watch a great movie!  Don’t forget the Epsom salts and lavender! 
  4. Go for a walk along your favorite lakefront, street, or neighborhood. 
  5. Sit at the coffee shop with a good beverage and a nice book. 

The key is to do these things right in the middle of the holidays.  Don’t worry about being judged because you will probably be judged anyway.  If you need to talk, be sure to join the Facebook group, Childless not by Choice with Civilla Morgan. 

I will be in the Facebook group throughout the season. And of course, the other admins will be in there as well. Also, the other ladies in the group are quite friendly and responsive. If you are feeling alone, come over to the group. There will always be someone there to talk to.       

Well, hopefully, you were not looking for October and November episodes. I took a much needed two-month hiatus. This just meant I used that time to work on this episode, content for 2020 episodes, work on my new limited-edition podcast, and the list goes on.  Yet, I appreciated the break. Thanks for understanding. In fact, I have decided that going forward, I will be taking October and November off. Sometimes it takes an overwhelming loss, and being overwhelmingly tired, to make a change you did not ever think you would. And those changes turn out to be just what was needed. 

In fact, some podcasters operate in seasons, like a television show. I never wanted to do that. Maybe it was FOMO–fear of missing out. Maybe I felt like I did not have enough episodes in the library. Maybe I was competing with myself. At any rate, it was just such a great break! I will be taking October and November off each year, moving forward.  

About the blog! It has been many months since I last blogged.  I did not realize how much I missed it! I will put a link in the show notes to my most recent blog, but I want to read a portion of it here if you don’t mind:         

‘Unfortunately, some people do not know how to either let kids be kids or move to another location, so they verbalize their aggravation, and that of course, can make most parents upset.  I believe even childless people know that children need room to grow physically, mentally, and emotionally. 

If someone says something mean to a mother about her child, it still should not be assumed that person does not and should not have children. If that is the thought process, who is being mean now?     

Look, I believe the reason society continues to propagate that mothers are more important than childless women is due to the innate need for humans to perpetuate the species. This means we will continue to hear mean spirited thoughts and belief systems spilling out of people’s mouths. They may not mean to be mean, in every instance. But the fact is, society tends to believe that once a woman has a child she is elevated to a special place, while childless women remain low on the totem pole. We are seen as society’s packing peanuts.’ 

Be sure to click the link in the show notes to read ‘the rest of the story! 

So, here’s the thing, we are heading into another year!  2020! What would you like to peel off of your life and toss into the garbage this year? You probably have not quite thought about it that way have you? But we are all works in progress. At least we should be. There is no perfect, or completely ‘done’ human. We all have triggers, we all have doubts, we all have fears, we all have hopes and dreams. You may be thinking you are too old to dream. Or maybe you think it is too late for the dreams and plans you had. 

But may I remind you that you can change your dreams. Not because you are wishy-washy, but because life has twists and turns. We can either work on navigating the twists and turns or stay stuck on what did not happen for us. Let’s not stay stuck there. Life is too short. Look, I have the same ups and downs you do. There are times, especially during the Holidays that I am surrounded by people I love, but I am lonely as all get out. And please, no attempts to set me up. I’m not interested. I am trying to make a point. We ALL have ups and downs. And I know this because we are all human, and the ups and downs are a part of the human condition. It is how we manage our ups and downs and not allowing life’s circumstances to manage us, which makes the difference.

We have to practice recognizing triggers, recognizing when those negative feelings are coming for a visit, and turning them away at the door. We turn the negative feelings and triggers away at the door with the list of things I mentioned above, bubble baths, walks, talking to a trusted friend, seeing a therapist. 

And knowing our strengths and weaknesses. Knowing whether or not we can go to a baby shower or to a children’s birthday party. The choice is all yours! If you never got the chance to listen, I will put a link to the episode on triggers in the show notes. Please listen to it. We all have triggers and the whole world will not know what triggers you. But when YOU know what triggers you, you will know how to manage those triggers so that you do not explode on those around you.  Look, we don’t want or need people to walk on eggshells around us. The goal is for us to get along without being made to feel less than by others or by ourselves. 

So I am asking you, What changes would you like to make about you, for you, in 2020?          

Thanks for tuning in today! Don’t forget to visit the Tee Public online merchandise store. There you will find content: t-shirts, hoodies, laptop cases, mugs, etc.with the Childless not by Choice logo! Every purchase means a contribution to the Childless not by Choice platform. Thank you! 

Well, thanks for tuning in. See you next year! Bye! 

Articles of interest:

https://www.getreligion.org/getreligion/2019/11/29/big-think-story-what-does-religion-have-to-do-with-slumping-global-birth-rates

https://yle.fi/uutiset/osasto/news/childlessness_trend_continues_in_finland/11082035

Advertisements and mentions: 

https://www.bullhorn.fm/

https://childlessnotbychoice.net/product/2019-blueprint-for-your-goals-and-visions/

https://childlessnotbychoice.net/beware-here-comes-the-holidays/

https://childlessnotbychoice.net/triggers-how-to-recognize-them-face-them-and-deal-with-them/

Beware, Here comes The Holidays!

As we approach the holidays, I want to remind the childless not by choice community as well as those who have children, that we must consider each other. Recently, I heard commentary from someone who just allowed words to tumble out of their mouth because they are living a life they by all means expected to live. 

They probably cannot understand those of us who by luck of the draw got none of it–no husband, no two and a half kids, no white picket fence.  As I listened to this person I recalled thinking to myself, ‘keep your mouth shut girly, you can’t bat every ball.’ The comment from this mother was so generalized it was grievous. 

Here’s the thing, if someone’s child is unruly in public, most of us would try to ignore the situation, or just move away. After all, children are typically afforded the space to be children. And I personally believe they should be children for as long as possible!

Unfortunately, some people do not know how to let kids be kids, so they verbalize their aggravation, and that of course, can make most parents upset.  I believe even childless people know that children need room to grow physically, mentally, and emotionally. 

If someone says something mean to a mother about her child, of course, that is never nice. Who knows what she may be going through with the child or in her life in general. Still, it should not be assumed that the person who verbalized their aggravation does not and should not have children. If that is the thought process, who is being mean now?     

Look, I believe the reason society continues to propagate that mothers are more important than childless women is due to the innate need for humans to perpetuate the species. Perpetuating the species is a natural thing. This means though, that we will continue to hear mean spirited thoughts and belief systems spilling out of people’s mouths. They may not mean to be mean, in every instance. But the fact is, society tends to believe that once a woman has a child she is elevated to a special place, while childless women remain low on the totem pole. We are seen as society’s packing peanuts. 

What use are you exactly? Why are you here? Those are the questions we as childless women and men will have to answer on our own; without any assistance from friends, family, or strangers. Because everyone has an opinion, and we definitely do not want to hear the opinion or beliefs of someone who is not living our type of life. The fact is, if we are here, we are indeed here for a reason, whether we have children or not.  And like every other human, we will figure out our purpose.  

After all, no human being should ever have to explain his or her existence. We belong here. And in fact, we childless women and men, expect to have our place at the table. 

As I have said on the podcast, https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-105-my-interview-with-pamela-mahoney-tsigdinos/ we pay taxes too. We buy groceries, we go on vacation, and we enjoy our family and friends.  We do indeed make beautiful, regular, normal contributions to society. We are wonderful aunts, caregivers, scientists, artists, siblings, bosses, guardians, employees, etc. Just like any other demographic in society. We should not have to explain this, but alas, we seem to have to. Regularly. 

Let’s explain with our lives. With our decision to be happy. With our relevance. With our joy. 

This holiday season, we will, as usual, attend the family get-togethers. We will attend the work parties. We will cook, bake, be a shoulder for our nieces and nephews, and whatever it is we find ourselves doing. But we will feel empowered to leave any gathering where we do not feel valued. We will create kind but firm boundaries, and exercise those boundaries with people who feel they have the right to speak to us in any manner they wish because our lives, the cards we have been dealt, do not meet their standards. 

We will live the life we have been given to its fullest. As we all should. Because whether we got that family or not, life is very short, and we cannot afford to live in fear of society. Society will march on long after we are gone. And although by our very existence it is possible to change society’s apparent died in the wool opinions and expectations, that is not all we were placed on this earth to do. We are also here to live our best most relevant and joyful lives!  

This holiday season, if you are a childless not by choice woman or man, remember you deserve to be here, there, or anywhere. Ignore the naysayers. Walk into that party or family gathering like you belong there. Because you do!   

 

 

 

Episode 113–Eclectic, Encouraging, Engaging!

Hello there, it’s me, Civilla! Welcome back to Childless not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world. So, here’s the thing: I am in search of new music. I’ve been thinking of writing something myself, or just search for something to buy. Not sure yet, but for now, no music on the intro or outro. I guess you are witnessing a transformation right here on the platform huh? Wherever the music comes from, I will know it when I hear it. 

Well, welcome to episode 113! 

eclectic, encouraging, engaging!’

We have a lot to talk about today, so let’s get started! 

Today’s show is about:

  • How are you doing wherever you are on your journey?
  • Units
  • Bullhorn
  • The 10 silly things people say when you lose a loved one…and the things that could be said.
  • In a different place now after losing my mother.
  • Remember to go to Apple podcast to rate and review this podcast.

Patreon Contributors: I would also like to thank my Patreon contributors for their monthly financial contribution to the platform. Whether you contribute via patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice, or you go to the website and contribute via that Donate button, your contributions are appreciated and used to help the platform to get the word out. Thank you!

 

https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice

  • Jordan Morgan
  • Sandra Carzado
  • Your Name Here

  • Questions or comments? Contact me at:

Email: civilla@civillamorgan.com

                                               Or

 

Visit the website at https://www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.

Bullhorn-https://bullhorn.fm/

The short conversation I had with the Bullhorn representative at Podcast Movement was eye-opening! My takeaway was that anyone anywhere in the world can listen regardless of access to bandwidth or not. Because you don’t need bandwidth! What!?

My contact information:

Website: https://www.childlessnotbychoice.net and http://www.civillamorgan.com
Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan
Twitter: @civilla1
Instagram: @joyandrelevance
Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM
LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM
https://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice



If you would like to become a one time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at info@civillamorgan.com for details. 

Remember, subscription to the podcast is free. Simply go to Apple Podcast, Stitcher Radio, Spotify, Overcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Search for Childless not by Choice, and hit the subscribe button. It’s that easy! 


‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’

 

‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.

Well, thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice! Until next time! Bye!

Episode 112–Childless not by Choice Caregivers

Intro:

Hello everyone! Welcome back to Childless not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world. Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we did not have the children we so wanted. I would also like to thank everyone who recognizes that we are not all living the same type of life. 

Welcome to episode 112!

 Well, I am recording this episode from Podcast Movement 2019, Orlando, FL.  I have been having a great time, learning quite a bit, as usual; and looking forward to implementing a lot of what I have learned.  A great big thank you to Talk Shoe for providing the opportunity to record live, (mention the microphone being used). TalkShoe is a community-building podcast platform that offers storage, streaming, global call-in capabilities, and state-of-the-art tools you need to get noticed online.  Thank you Talkshoe and Retro Voice EV microphones! 



Questions or comments? Contact me at:

Email: Info@civillamorgan.com or civilla@civillamorgan.com

                                               Or

 

Visit the website at https://www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me a voicemail. You have 90 seconds!

Sub intro:

Well,  here is the episode I’ve been working on, replete with info from the poll I took within our platform. I really felt like I had read or heard somewhere that most childless not by choice adult children end up becoming caregivers for their parents, but when I went searching for the information I could not find it. I engaged the members of the childless not by choice Facebook group, my local research librarian, and even another Facebook group that I belong to. Everyone seemed to have heard it said, but we just could not find it. A great big thank you to everyone in the Childless not by Choice with Civilla Morgan and Childless not by Choice Supporters with Civilla Morgan Facebook group for responding to the poll. You helped me immensely. A great big thank you also to the group of childless women who maintain help other childless women! 

Before we continue, I would like to thank my Patrons!

Patreon:

These are the people who contribute to the platform financially every month via the Patreon platform. If you go to the website, https://www.childlessnotbychoice.net, the Patreon link can now be found on the website. Click on it, it will take you to the patreon website,  and there you may choose the level of contribution that you would like to make on a monthly basis. Anywhere from $5.00 on up. Your contribution pays the website manager, the podcast producer, the podcast host, and the general maintenance of the platform. A great big Thank you to my patrons, you are appreciated! 

Whether you contribute via patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice, or you go to the website and contribute via PayPal, your contributions are appreciated and used to help the platform to get the word out. Thank you!

https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice

  • Jordan Morgan
  • Sandra Carzado
  • Your Name Here

 Magnum Opus:

So, here are the poll results from within the Facebook groups: There were two initial questions, and then a third one was added by one of the group members. And I appreciate that because of course, it helped to better quantify the original questions:

  1. Have you cared for an elderly parent or family member in the past? yes=39%
  2. Are you currently caring for an elderly parent or family member?=25%
  3. Never cared for an elderly parent or family member.=36% 

Here are the responses based on a total number of respondents: 

Question 1= Have you cared for an elderly parent/family member in the past?=17  (39%)

Question 2= Currently caring for an elderly parent or family member?=12 (27%) 

Question 3= No= 16 (36%)=  

Remember in episode 111 I said I would not be surprised by the response?  I still wish I could find whatever it was I had read on this subject though. If you have read or heard that most or many childless not by choice women and men are caregivers for their parents or another family member, please let me know along with the citation. It would be greatly appreciated. Knowing my brain, I will be subconsciously searching until I find it! 

So, I came to Podcast Movement 2019 thinking I would be back for a second year of meeting new people, possibly getting some new people to interview or being interviewed. But a funny thing happens when you make plans: those plans get turned on their ear! What happened, and is happening, is I am now feeling a pivot. I have no idea what that pivot will be, but I feel just as we would feel the wind blowing, that it is time for change. Last year I mentioned going to the next level. And I talked about ‘the next level’ again this year, until the first day of this year’s event. Something has changed and I honestly do not know what it is yet. I am being encouraged by a new friend I met at the convention, to remain open and it will come to me. So I am doing just that. 

I have had conversations at this event that I have not had in the past. I started the process a month or so ago, for something that will strengthen the reputation of the platform. When the process is complete I will let you know!

 

So, in the last couple of episodes and in this one, the discussion has been on grieving. I have been transparent about my loss, (episode 110), talked about how the brain handles grief, (episode 111), and I was hoping to close out the three episodes with an interview. But it did not work out that way. This episode will be the third for this series on loss and grief. If I am able to finally obtain an interview I will let you know where that interview can be found.  

As we continue on with our subject matter here on the podcast, I will continue to take suggestions in the background, from those who have gone down this path before me: to lean into the grief, to feel all five of those stages of grief, and to allow myself to cry in front of others if that is when the tears come. And to take grief counseling.  I am doing all of the above.  

Well in the first link below under ‘Links used for this article,’ There is an eye-opening article on the NCBI–National Center for Biotechnology Information website. The title of the article is ‘Bereavement after Caregiving’.  In this article, they discuss ‘Caregivers at risk for poor bereavement outcomes’ and ‘Diagnosis and treatment of complicated grief’, amongst other issues. One thing that stood out to me in the article was that complicated grief could include a form of PTSD–post-traumatic stress disorder.  This article is worth the read if you are dealing with loss that may include as they call it, ‘complicated grief’.  

They not only provide the symptoms of complicated grief, but they discuss how to deal with it, and who is most susceptible. There was a surprise in that portion of the article. I will let you read it and see if you see it. I will say this to give you a hint: I believe how people deal with grief and grieving can be cultural. I did not say one culture deals correctly or incorrectly with grief, I am simply saying the differences can be cultural. 

And yet within each culture grief can be exhibited differently by personality and upbringing. In fact, I had a wonderful conversation with a lady here at PM19 who lost her mom a year ago. She was telling me that in her culture people talk about their loss openly. But we both came to the conclusion that Western culture seems to look the other way out of fear of hurting the person who is grieving.  

Lest I go down a rabbit hole, I will leave this here and continue on.  It’s a short but very deep read. I hope you check out the article.  

Be sure to also check out the links under Links used for this episode, and the episodes mentioned in this episode.’  The show notes are there just for you!

‘The place where you are right now God circled on a map for you.’–Hafiz

 

Articles you might find interesting:

https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2018/11/08/adult-caregiving-often-seen-as-very-meaningful-by-those-who-do-it/

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/322403630_Childlessness_and_upward_intergenerational_support_cross-national_evidence_from_11_European_countries

https://rtd.rt.com/stories/childfree-movement-birth-rate-voluntary-childlessness/

https://www.aarp.org/caregiving/life-balance/info-2017/ptsd-trauma-caregiver-support-fd.html

Links used for this episode:

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2790185/

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0091743506001629

(leisure-time exercise for caregivers v. non-caregivers)

https://www.webmd.com/palliative-care/caregiver-grief-and-bereavement#1

https://www.caregiver.org/caregiver-statistics-demographics

https://www.statista.com/statistics/241535/percentage-of-childless-women-in-the-us-by-age/

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/322403630_Childlessness_and_upward_intergenerational_support_cross-national_evidence_from_11_European_countries

Episodes mentioned in this episode and suggested episodes:

https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-101-ivf-versus-ptsd/

https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-110-tribute-to-my-mother/

https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-111-our-brains-are-simply-amazing/

Closing:

Thank you for tuning in today. Remember, if you find value in this podcast, stop by Apple Podcast, formerly known as iTunes, and leave me a review. Reviews, um five-star reviews, help draw attention to a podcast. I believe drawing attention helps to get the word out and I am all about making sure childless not by choice women and men know they are not alone in their journey. So help me get the word out! 

My contact information:

Website: https://www.childlessnotbychoice.net and http://www.civillamorgan.com
Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan
Twitter: @civilla1
Instagram: @joyandrelevance
Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM
LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM
https://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice



If you would like to become a one time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at info@civillamorgan.com for details. 

Remember, subscription to the podcast is free. Simply go to Apple Podcast, Stitcher Radio, Spotify, Overcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Search for Childless not by Choice, and hit the subscribe button. It’s that easy! 


Well, thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice!

Until next time! Bye!

‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’

 ‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.