childlessness
Episode 147–Race, Gender, (in) Equality, and Childlessness, my Conversation with Yvonne John
Intro:
Hello, and welcome to episode 147 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you, us, that we can live joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, lives.
Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in!
What is today’s show about?
My conversation with Yvonne John–Author of Dreaming of a Life Unlived, Speaker, and advocate for the Childless not by Choice community.
But first…
Thank you Patreon contributors:
I would like to take a moment to thank the people who make a financial contribution to the platform on a monthly basis, my Patreon Contributors.
Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!
If you are not yet a Patron, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution. No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!
If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at booksbycivillamorgan@gmail.com.
Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!
https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice
Questions or comments? Contact me at:
Email: Info@civillamorgan.com
Or
Visit the website at http://www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.
Body of episode:
Today’s guest has visited us before. Tune into episode 103, link in the show notes to hear our first conversation. I Invited her back because she has done quite a bit since our last conversation. Check out her website, http://www.findingmyplanb.com, to see what I mean. And we will be talking about some of the things today. I can’t wait.
Hi Yvonne…
Talk about the blogs on The Agojie People portrayed in The Woman King and the blog on Annie Turnbo Malone. I actually went straight to the Annie Turnbo Malone post because, well there is a lot of history, most of it negative, unfortunately, about black hair. I did not know she developed and patented the straightening comb! Your blogs are very informative Yvonne! Before we get started, can you tell us about the photo project you were a part of, and if there is a link or website we can go to?
Tell us about your role or contribution to The Gateway Women’s Reignite weekend workshops.
And you are training to be a therapist. Do you have a certain topic in mind will it be geared to childless not by choice?
And Ted (Talk) tell us about Ted now that you’ve put the word out.
I’ll also be taking part in the WhittyGordon Projects ‘Edge Of Visibility’ Film – The film is about changing the narrative about women over 50 as being past it and recognising and shining light on strong women who are embracing the next phase of their lives in a way that is individual, creative and unapologetic.
I know you said you would be doing a Talk at the Recovery College ‘Childlessness’ session about on Dealing with the Loss of Motherhood, is that done or is it upcoming?
Thank you for all you do in the childless not by choice community, and in particular for the women of color in the childless not by choice community. Any final words for the listeners before we go?
Yvonne’s Contact Information:
Articles/links of interest:
Talk by Yvonne John at Melanie Stidolph’s solo exhibition ‘As it is seen.’
Talk at the Recovery College ‘Childlessness’ session about/on Dealing with the Loss of Motherhood
Interview by Lauren McMenemy from Minds@Work on being CNBC and how that impacts mental health at work
Watch Yvonne in conversation with Lauren McMenemy
here: https://youtu.be/–t1zrteCZY
My first conversation with Yvonne John:
https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-103-childlessness-is-not-an-illness-3/
Remember the conversation about the photographer at the beginning of the episode? Here’s the link to his website:
https://www.cephaswilliams.com/
Sarah Baartman images:
Triggers episode:
https://childlessnotbychoice.net/triggers-how-to-recognize-them-face-them-and-deal-with-them/
As mentioned in the episode, here is a link to information about David Richo:
As mentioned in the episode, here is a link to information about Richard Rohr:
Quote:
‘If you do not share your story, you will show your story.’–Richard Rohr.
Special thank you to:
Yvonne John
My Patrons
My contact information:
Website: http://www.childlessnotbychoice.net and http://www.civillamorgan.com
Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan
Twitter: @civilla1
Instagram: @joyandrelevance
Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM
LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM
https://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice
Happy New Year 2023
Hello, and welcome to episode 146 and one half— the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you, us, that we can live joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, lives. Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in!
What is today’s show about?
Happy New Year!
https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice
Questions or comments? Contact me at:
Or
Visit the website at http://www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.
Body of episode:
- Mention annual goals template
- Consider becoming a patron–Patreon or PayPal
- Episode 147–airs soon!
Articles/links of interest:
https://childlessnotbychoice.net/product/blueprint-for-your-goals-and-visions/
My contact information:
Website: http://www.childlessnotbychoice.net and http://www.civillamorgan.com
Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan
Twitter: @civilla1
Instagram: @joyandrelevance
Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM
LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM
https://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice
Episode 146–The heart of the childless not by choice during the holidays
Hello, and welcome to episode 146 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. This is the December 2022 episode. Our holiday episode! Thanks for stopping by! Well, the last two months the podcast has been on hiatus, and I am happy to be back!
What is today’s show about?
Childless not by choice during the holidays!
Over the last few years, I have talked to us, reminded us, of how to be, how to do, as childless not by choice people during the holidays!
Thank you Patreon contributors:
I would like to take a moment to thank the people who make a financial contribution to the platform on a monthly basis, my Patreon Contributors.
Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!
**PLEASE CONSIDER BECOMING A PATREON PATRON THIS YEAR**
If you are not yet a Patron, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution. No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!
If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at booksbycivillamorgan@gmail.com.
Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!
https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice
Questions or comments? Contact me at:
Email: Info@civillamorgan.com
Or
Visit the website at http://www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.
Body of episode:
- Thank you to the listeners from different countries. A great big thank you to all of my listeners all over the world. From Australia to Tanzania, from China to Luxembourg, from Ghana to America. From India to Austria. You all are tuning in and listening! Thank you!
I continue to be humbled!
I would also like to thank those who reached out to me via Messenger and email. I am so glad the podcast is helping you. Please keep listening!
- Episodes coming up in 2023.
So, I am working on more great episodes for 2023! I feel like 2022 had a theme of health. We talked about food, diet, well-being, exercise, mental health, and all the things that strengthen us from the inside out. I did not plan a theme for 2023, but I feel like it will come together beautifully just like 2022.
In the meantime, sit with me for a few, and let’s talk.
The heart of the childless not by choice during the holidays. I don’t know about you, but I can feel the feelings creeping in right around October. I start to feel un-holiday-ish. I tell myself that I will not celebrate this year. I’m just not up for all the pomp and circumstance of it all.
But as November rolls in, the month of Thanksgiving here in the U.S., I try to get myself in the mood. And the thing is, I love Christmas. It’s my favorite holiday. Thanksgiving gives me a chance to cook and bake. Christmas typically gives me a chance to catch up with family and friends.
Getting into the festive mood takes work these last few years though. I had that childish anticipation all the way through adulthood. But it has dimmed, and I know that it is at least in part because my mom is gone. And we all have heard how the holidays can magnify loss. It’s true, they do magnify loss.
If you are going through and dealing with the same feelings, don’t ignore them. Recognize them, admit them to yourself, and take them one day at a time. But don’t allow your feelings to dictate your decisions. That is one thing my dad told me years ago. Feelings change. So when you are making your decisions about how to spend your holidays, be intentional. Intentional: it is our keyword for this episode because intentionality is very important. And it is different from than intention. You see, we can intend to do something and never get around to it. But intentional means we are making decisions actively. We are actively involved in our decision-making and in our decisions.
Sometimes we have to intentionally show up at the gatherings, sometimes it feels like we have no choice. We have elderly family members whom we do not know how many more family gatherings we will spend with them. And then at the other end of the spectrum, we have young family members with whom we would like to build a positive relationship.
But I have said this before, there is nothing wrong with making different plans once in a while. Life is short. It’s short for everyone.
The thing about making different plans for the holidays or any other time is that we have to then stand by them. We have to practice standing by our decision once we have made our plans. The way to stand by plans and decisions is to weigh those plans and decisions carefully. Weighing, deciding, and then standing.
I think we get better at weighing, deciding, and then standing as we mature.
You know life is filled with disappointments. And sometimes we may have wished we had made different decisions, but the fact is, no one is perfect. All we can do is the best we can do.
We have to decide to make certain decisions about our lives. We don’t know how much time we have. Any of us.
So thinking about ourselves more does not mean we are selfish. Everyone is living their lives. Are they selfish for caring for their spouses, children, their work-life balance? They wouldn’t think so. I don’t think so.
It is definitely OK and healthy, to care for ourselves, to consider ourselves. To love ourselves. To speak kind words to ourselves, and practice makes perfect.
Here are five ways we can love, consider, and protect ourselves:
- Look in the mirror every morning as you wash your face or put on your makeup, and smile at yourself.
- Say kind words to yourself, even when you have messed up. Never, never, never call yourself names, even in jest. Never.
- Do not allow others to call you names, even in jest. If someone is calling you names and says they are joking, be aware.
- I realize some of you live in parts of the world where pushing back can be dangerous. If you are not able to push back on the name-calling or mistreatment, practice speaking silently to yourself and saying ‘I do not receive that.’ Do not allow negativity into your spirit, your heart, or your mind. You would be surprised to know how much unchecked negativity is affecting you. Do not receive it.
- Do something kind for yourself on a regular basis. The women in my Facebook group know that I buy myself flowers on a regular basis. I work from home, so in the midst of all my office stuff, I get to glance over at my flowers every once in a while. They bring me a moment of joy as I work. Do something. It doesn’t have to be anything extravagant.
When the world, our world, realizes we have only good, positive intentions for ourselves, they will eventually come to realize that they are getting nowhere trying to get us to ‘come around’. That is why it is important for us to know ourselves, to respect ourselves, to be kind to ourselves.
If you don’t like and respect you, it will be difficult for others to like and respect you, even your own family members.
Consider this: if we are doing what everyone else wants us to do all the time, are we happy? Are we living our best, most joyful, and relevant lives?
You know, I did not know what gaslighting was until just a few years ago. But once I found out about it, I realized there were times during my life when I had been gaslit! I am glad I can now recognize it for what it is, and can act accordingly. Acting accordingly when being gaslit means recognizing it when it is happening, trusting your gut that it is happening, and then standing firm in the love and protection you created for yourself. I put an article in the show notes that defines gaslighting, and explains how to recognize it. Check it out. It’s intriguing.
And no, I did not take a sudden left turn and changed the subject. Gaslighting can happen to anyone. But it I believe we are more susceptible when we are heartbroken, grieving, and unaware of how worthy we are. We all as human beings have been through a lot these last few years.
We have suffered some form of loss, and then on top of that loss a pandemic. Some of us are still dealing with brain fog and other effects of COVID. I am dealing with serious brain fog. But honestly, I don’t know if it is COVID or being a woman of a certain age, or both. Either way lets practice those five things I mentioned earlier, especially as we head into a fresh new year. Let’s practice being intentional.
Closing:
Be sure to check out the show notes. I put some links in this episode’s show notes that I believe you will like. For instance, there is an article here on the definition and effects of gaslighting. There is a link to my Only One in the Room interview. It’s always cool to be interviewed!
Thanks again to those who reached out to me during hiatus. You made my day! Remember, be kind to yourself!
See you in January!
Articles/links of interest:
https://punchng.com/court-dissolves-14-year-marriage-over-childlessness/
Video interview of my guest appearance on The Only One In The Room Podcast:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QlD8pPwm88c
Article on the definition and the effects of gaslighting
Episode quotes:
Be intentional.
Five things we can do to love, consider, and protect ourselves.
Practice speaking silently to yourself…do not allow negativity into your heart and your mind.
Say kind words to yourself.
Special thank you to:
All of the wonderful listeners of the Childless not by Choice podcast!
All of the guests of the podcast!
All of the wonderful patrons of the platform!
My contact information:
Website: http://www.childlessnotbychoice.net and http://www.civillamorgan.com
Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan
Twitter: @civilla1
Instagram: @joyandrelevance
Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM
LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM
https://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice
Episode 144–Joyful Eating, my Conversation with Nutritionist Tansy Boggon
Intro:
Hello, and welcome to episode 144 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you, us, that we can live joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, lives.
Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in!
What is today’s show about?
Joyful Eating!
But first!
Thank you Patreon contributors:
I would like to take a moment to thank the people who make a financial contribution to the platform every month, my Patreon Contributors.
Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!
If you are not yet a Patron, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution. No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!
If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at booksbycivillamorgan@gmail.com.
Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!
https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice
- Jordan Morgan
- The Knights
- Your Name Here
https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice
Questions or comments? Contact me at:
Email: Info@civillamorgan.com
Or
Visit the website at http://www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen, and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.
Intro:
I was thinking as I prepped for this episode that I don’t believe I’ve ever read a book by a nutritionist. I’m sure at some point most of us have read some type of nutrition flyer our doctor gave us at an appointment. Or maybe we googled a particular food, or even what food to eat for a certain medical complaint like certain fruit or vegetables are good for inflammation. Or if you are like me, I make many food decisions based on what I read on the label. I watch the sugar, salt, carbohydrates, etc. Well, except during my birthday month. But I digress!
Reading Joyful Eating was an eye opener as I think my biggest take aways were: not beating myself up over my weight, not feeling guilty about my food choices, to diet or not to diet, and my general relationship with food!
Today we are chatting with Nutritionist/ Author | Nutrition Writer | Recipe Developer | specialising in a non-diet and mindful eating approach, Mrs. Tansy Boggon. I put a link in the show notes to her website, blog, and social media contact. Tansy Boggon wife of our June interview guest Rob Hutchings! Link to that episode in the show notes! Hi Tansy, welcome to the show! We have so much to talk about!
Body of episode:
- As I read your book Joyful Eating, I dog-eared and highlighted so many pages! And I love how you start with your food story, including the story of your mom and grandmother. Why did you choose to start Joyful Eating in this way? What caused you to become a nutritionist?
- (pg 7, 13).
- Do you believe the stress of childlessness, our self-worth even, can tie in with our relationship with food?
- Well, speaking of the previous question, on page 26 you speak of ‘the myth of optimal health’. (read highlighted section). On Page 27 you say…read section). I thought it so intriguing and important to recognize that weight, healthy weight, can be relative to the doctor we are seeing: cardiologist, primary care provider, psychologist, etc. Tell us more!
- Self-care is definitely important right? Many childless not by choice people are doing what they can healthwise to try to have kids. Then coming out the other side of not being able to have kids do you let go of your health and self-care, or find a happy medium? In fact, on page 70 you say that ‘accepting what is does not imply inaction’. I love that!
- In our pre-interview, you said that ‘Life can bring joy even as a childless not by choice couple. It has brought a playfulness after the time of adulting and also trying to have a child’, Can you speak to the person listening who may be trying to figure out the ‘playfulness’ aspect of life, for those who have partners as well as those of us who do not?
7) Tell us about your children’s book, how is that done as a childless not by choice person? I mean there are lots of childless not by choice people working with children every day, but is it a giant step to write a book for and about children?
8) And of course, we understand that one’s comfort level around children relies on how raw, where you are in your CNBC journey, so definitely don’t beat yourself up if you just can’t be in the room at that moment. But tapping into the way children see the world is a beautiful way for childless not by choice people see the world.
NOTE:
Chapter two of Joyful Eating is available as a free download from Tansy’s website.
Articles/links of interest:
|
This is the Rob Hutchings episode: |
EPISODE CLIPS:
‘I acknowledge that my relationship with my food and my body are constantly evolving…’
‘We’ve been taught our whole lives that the way to change our bodies is to criticize, to put it down…’
‘…rather than focusing on this weight…we’re imposing an outcome that we want that is very arbitrary…based on what I believe, or the weight I was 20 years ago, or what we see in a magazine…’
‘I’m not going to have a tummy issue because I never had children…I have a tummy issue.’
‘Chapter
‘Health is not static, it’s dynamic.’
Special thank you to:
Tansy Boggon
Tansy’s Contact Information:
https://www.linkedin.com/in/tansyboggon/
http://www.joyfuleatingnutrition.com
My contact information:
Website: http://www.childlessnotbychoice.net and http://www.civillamorgan.com
Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan
Twitter: @civilla1
Instagram: @joyandrelevance
Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM
LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM
https://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice
Episode 142 -Seven Year Podcastiversary!
Intro:
What is today’s show about?
My Podcastiversary!
Hello Guys and Dolls, welcome to episode 142! And seven years! I had no idea I would still be podcasting. I had no idea I would still like it, never mind the fact that I absolutely still love it!
That clip you just heard, was me responding to the question of the month on The School of Podcasting podcast. It is one of the podcasts for podcasters that I listen to on a regular basis. In fact, I interviewed the host of that show a while back. I will put the link in the show notes.
So, about the podcast: hearts are healing, minds are being refreshed, new people are finding the show, and childless not by choice people are boldly exploring new ways to live the childless not by choice life.
For instance: in episode 141 I spoke with Triathlete Rob Hutchings for our Father’s Day episode. We talked about his journey to adoption and how that journey ended without a successful adoption. But he and his wife have decided to live their best most relevant lives hiking, swimming, and traveling. Oh, and I will be interviewing Rob’s wife for a future episode!
In episode 140, Hiding in plain sight? One of my long-time listeners posted in our Childless not by Choice with Civilla Morgan Facebook group that this episode spoke to her. I really loved hearing that!
Over the past year we have discussed, the need for hope, in episode 139, pre-and peri-menopause, episode 138, and episode 137 where I spoke to Sheri Johnson about worth. Our worth as childless not by choice people. By the way, if you want to hear Sheri interview me, check out her podcast Awakening Worth, episode 57! Whew! I got some serious feedback on that episode. I really enjoyed it!
Going all the way back to January of this year, 2022, there were two episodes that month. Episode 136 where I stop by to say Happy New Year! And episode 135, Where I speak to the one and only Sarah Roberts, founder of The Empty Cradle. That was a lovely episode and a wonderful way to start the new year!
It’s been a fabulous year so far! But there is so much more coming! I am not even sure I will take my two-month hiatus! If I decide to, I will stop by to let you know. Stay tuned!
So look, I would like to say a great big THANK YOU to all of you who tune in every month. For those who are just finding the podcast and the platform, for those who tell others about the podcast. Thank you.
Spreading the word is what I really want to happen now. I want more childless not by choice people around the world to feel hopeful about their lives although things did not turn out as expected.
I want you to know that even when you are feeling down or negative about life, those feelings are fleeting. You are worthy. You have as much right to be here as anyone else. Those thoughts and feelings come to the best of us. The key is to recognize them, but not entertain them. Don’t let them hang around for too long. Manage your mind and your heart regularly. What you entertain and allow to hang around, is what can overwhelm you. So look to be overwhelmed in a positive way.
I want to tell you a couple more things: one, I am on Tik Tok! I fought it for so long, but I finally joined the platform. I am slowly building content and I already have a small following! I will tell you that I get so many jokes from that platform. I can be having a really bad day, but if I tune in just before bedtime, I will definitely get a laugh or two! What I like about the platform is that it really picks up on what I like, so I will seldom get any craziness in my feed. If you are on Tik Tok, please do follow. I would love to hear from you! Drop a hello from time to time!
Also, one of the ways I really feel that getting the word out to every part of the world is using a podcast app that acts like a phone. And acting like a phone means the listener has the option to tune into the podcast by dialing in. The only app I am aware of that does this is an app called Bullhorn. If you live in a part of the world or you know someone who lives where data is difficult to obtain, or just plain expensive; try Bullhorn. And no, they are not sponsoring my podcast. I just love that their product can work for those where data can be an issue.
Well, I want to once again thank you for listening to the Childless not by Choice podcast. I hope you are subscribed, or as Apple calls it, following. I hope you are following. Remember, you can subscribe on the Apple app, but there are tons of other podcast apps out there. They are also called podcatchers. I am subscribed to multiple podcatcher apps, such as Stitcher, Gaana (which is an Indian app), Overcast, Himalaya, Bullhorn, Google Play, Podbean, and then of course Spotify, Pandora, and I am sure I am missing someone. So whatever your preference, I am probably there! If you ever have questions about subscribing, episode suggestions, anything, message me! I am happy to help!
Happy Podcastiversary! Keep listening!
Thank you Patreon contributors:
I would like to take a moment to thank the people who make a financial contribution to the platform on a monthly basis, my Patreon Contributors.
Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!
If you are not yet a Patron, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution. No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!
If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at booksbycivillamorgan@gmail.com.
Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!
https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice
- Jordan Morgan
- The Knights
- Susie
- Tiffany
- Your Name Here
https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice
- Jordan Morgan
- The Knights
- Your Name Here
https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice
Questions or comments? Contact me at:
Email: Info@civillamorgan.com
Or
Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen, and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.
Articles of interest:
https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-141-downriver-nomad-my-conversation-with-rob-hutchings/
https://childlessnotbychoice.net/final-cnbc-ep-140/
https://childlessnotbychoice.net/more-hope-please-and-other-things/
https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-137-what-is-your-worth-my-conversation-with-sheri-johnson/
https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-116-my-conversation-with-dave-jackson-3/
Special thank you to:
My guests and listeners this past year.
My contact information:
Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.com
Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan
Twitter: @civilla1
Instagram: @joyandrelevance
Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM
LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM
TikTok: 2podcastertoo
https://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice
Episode 141–Downriver Nomad, my Conversation with Rob Hutchings
Intro:
Hello, and welcome to episode 141 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you, us, that we can live joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, lives. Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in!
What is today’s show about?
Rob Hutchings: ‘Downriver Nomad–A Triathlete’s Adventures and Adversities Into The Rapids’
Thank you Patreon contributors:
I would like to take a moment to thank the people who make a financial contribution to the platform on a monthly basis, my Patreon Contributors.
Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!
If you are not yet a Patron, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution. No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!
If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at booksbycivillamorgan@gmail.com.
Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!
https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice
- Jordan Morgan
- The Knights
- Your Name Here
https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice
Questions or comments? Contact me at:
Email: Info@civillamorgan.com
Or
Visit the website at http://www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen, and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.
Intro (for guest episodes):
Rob’s intro
Triathlete and marathon swimmer, Rob Hutchings takes us on a whirlwind journey from triathlons and his first marathon swim in his home country of Canada, to Ironman competitions across the pond. Then down under to Australia and New Zealand where he embarked on marathon adventures off the beaten track, on land, and in the water, which led to his biggest challenge – an unprecedented attempt at swimming the turbulent 256 km Clutha River.
In Downriver Nomad, Rob shares his story of adventures and adversities not only in the water, on the racecourse, and off the beaten track, but also his struggles with an alcoholic father and his own unsuccessful path to fatherhood.
His is a story of humor, heartbreak, and challenges that will inspire the absolute beginner in adventure sports to the seasoned endurance athlete. Join Rob on his nomadic adventures in triathlon, marathon swimming, and adventure sports, packed with hairpin bends, whirlpools, rock dodging, and white-water rapids.
Body of episode:
Questions for Rob Hutchings:
‘Downriver Nomad–A Triathlete’s Adventures and Adversities Into The Rapids’
- I thoroughly enjoyed your book and how you were able to combine your infertility journey with your passion for triathlon. It was beautifully done.
- Tell us a little about the Australian adoption process, and how it is the way it is due to the history of ‘The Stolen Generation.’ (Pg 167)
- So because of the Stolen Generation issue, Thailand is suggested. The process was harrowing! Then, not to give away too much of the book, you were advised to try adopting from Colombia (pg 169…). The whole process must have been more than stressful?
- Those unsolicited questions and suggestions. My goodness, a number of years ago I interviewed the founder of Waiting Wombs. She is out of Kenya. As I read some of the suggestions you all were given to try to have a baby, I thought back to that episode. It occurred to me that suggestions, unsolicited suggestions are global! How did you and your wife deal with this? (Pg 147)
- That trick question on the psych eval (pg 171). That was terrible! Every time I think about the grilling potential adoptive parents go through, I think about people who have kids naturally. They go through nothing. I’m not saying there shouldn’t be some type of process or protection of the children, but I find the process a little extreme, outside of any cultural history of abuse, as we discussed in The Stolen generation issue earlier. How did you make sense of the grilling, of not being believed?
- I found it interesting how you discuss in the book, that couples wait in different ways, for word on adoption, and that indeed the stress can split some couples apart. Talk to us about the stress of waiting and any tips you can give couples for keeping their relationships from falling apart.
- I did some research on your wife’s book Joyful Eating. (Pg 179) would it be OK to put a link to the information I found in the show notes? If you have info on how we can obtain the book, I can put that in the show notes as well.
- You guys had me researching raw chocolate!
- That final decision to stop the adoption process. (pg 181). I felt it deep in my heart. Honestly, the entire book brought out so much emotion. That type of writing takes a lot of talent. Kudos to you! Before we close out, any final words you can give to anyone listening who is still trying: to adopt, to go through IVF, whatever journey they are on?
- Thank you so much for your time today Rob.
Articles/links of interest:
Clutha River Swim:
Short version
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IVyqCkHTDrY
Long version:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WeIW6ioSHZA
Easter 2022 Marathon Swim:
See the book synopsis and other endorsements here:
http://adventuresoutsidethelanes.com/downriver-nomad/
Joyful Eating by Tansy Boggon
Special thank you to:
Rob Hutchings for joining us this episode.
Quotes from Rob:
‘The river was in control, not me.’ What I like about river swimming and childlessness really made this apparent to me…the river is in charge…this is.
‘Life is a series of chaotic events.’
‘Life is inherently chaotic…’
My contact information:
Website: http://www.childlessnotbychoice.net and http://www.civillamorgan.com
Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan
Twitter: @civilla1
Instagram: @joyandrelevance
Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM
LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM
https://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice
‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life.’
Survey:
Episode 139–More Hope Please! And Other Things!
Intro:
Hello, and welcome to episode 139 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. It’s me, Civilla Morgan. Well, this is a minisode. I had other plans for this episode, but since I had no plans to skip April, I decided to just go ahead with what I had. So if you will give me just a few minutes of your time, I promise it will not be a waste of time.
What is today’s show about:
More Hope Please! And a few other things.
Thank you Patreon contributors:
I would like to take a moment to thank the people who make a financial contribution to the platform every month, my Patreon Contributors.
Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!
If you are not yet a Patron, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution. No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!
If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at booksbycivillamorgan@gmail.com.
Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!
https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice
- Jordan Morgan
- The Knights
- Your Name Here
https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice
Questions or comments? Contact me at:
Email: Info@civillamorgan.com
Or
Visit the website at http://www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen, and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.
Body of episode:
- I was interviewed by Sheri Johnson on her podcast Awakening Worth. Episode 57. Link in the show notes.
- I was asked by the Not a Momma Life Podcast to hijack them for one episode! How cool, right. You got it, link in the show notes.
- Have you read the quarterly newsletter? It’s the first newsletter of 2022. Do check it out. Subscribe for free on the website, http://www.childlessnotbychoice.net.
- I’ve been trying to decide if I should get transcripts done for this podcast. I was advised by one listener that transcripts would be nice as English is a second language and some things got lost in translation when listening. I never thought about that. The initial reason I considered transcripts was for those who are hearing impaired. I have had one episode transcribed so far: episode 137. I will place the transcripts for episodes where I create transcripts, at the bottom of the show notes for said episodes. I may create a section on the website for transcripts at a future date. But for now, they will be in the show notes for said episode.
- I am also going to be quite transparent with you: transcriptions are an additional cost to the platform. If you would like to make a contribution to the platform either for general costs or if you want to contribute specifically for transcripts, let me know. You may Paypal me at booksbycivillamorgan@gmail.com. And of course, if you would like to give monthly, visit https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice thank you!
- Reviews for good–podchaser.com, leave a review for this podcast and .25 cents will be donated to World Central Kitchen. If you are not familiar with WCK, they go to wherever in the world there is conflict and feed people. They put themselves in harm’s way to feed people. They are currently in Ukraine. Thank you!
Transition to talk about hope:
Did we talk about hope in a prior episode? Maybe. But I think we can all use more hope, right?
What’s going on in the world–Have you thought of the fact that almost every country has some type of drama or conflict going on? I mean is it because we are more connected so that we know right away when something happens around the globe? Most likely.
Do you believe we can be stressed by other people’s stress? Is there such a thing? I think so. I mean I have been glued to the news and to Twitter following the conflict in Ukraine. It’s heartbreaking to watch.
So I went on a search and found an article saying that stress can be caught, like catching a cold. I don’t know, you decide. I put a link in the show notes.
But I am thinking of it differently. Like the stress of watching other people suffer, whether it is a terrible car accident on a local highway or street. Or on the other side of the world, watching a sovereign country gets invaded. Or hearing in the news about civil wars that have been going on for decades.
What about a friend or family member who is in some type of conflict and drama? That can stress you outright? You know where I am going with this: Limit it all. Yes, many of us want to know what is going on around the world and in our world, but too much of it can be quite stressful.
It is up to you to decide how much you can take in. It is up to you to decide to step away for some amount of time, decided by you, not by someone else. It’s OK to step away.
At this point in a somewhat post-pandemic period as there continues to be worldwide drama, it is very important to find a happy medium.
No one wants to get caught flat-footed about an issue they should have been paying attention to. But at the same time, not taking a moment away from even the heartbreaking grief of others, can be unhealthy. Find your happy medium and create your kind but firm boundary around it.
Respect your health, your heart, and your mind. You will be healthier and stronger for it.
Thanks for tuning in, see you next month!
Links mentioned in the episode:
Sheri Johnson
Not a Momma Life Podcast:
Articles/links of interest:
Special thank you to:
Not a Momma podcast
Awakening Worth Podcast
My contact information:
Website: http://www.childlessnotbychoice.net and http://www.civillamorgan.com
Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan
Twitter: @civilla1
Instagram: @joyandrelevance
Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM
LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM
https://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice
Episode 138–Pre and Peri Menopause, Signs we may have missed!
Intro:
Hello, and welcome to episode 138 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you that you can live a joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, life.
Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in!
What is today’s show about?
Pre- and peri-menopause
Thank you Patreon contributors:
I would like to take a moment to thank the people who make a financial contribution to the platform on a monthly basis, my Patreon Contributors.
Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!
If you are not yet a Patron, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution. No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!
If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at booksbycivillamorgan@gmail.com.
Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!
https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice
- Jordan Morgan
- The Knights
- Susie
- Tiffany
- Your Name Here
https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice (Pull up site while I’m talking and go over the levels)
- Jordan Morgan
- The Knights
- Your Name Here
https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice
Questions or comments? Contact me at:
Email: Info@civillamorgan.com
Or
Visit the website at http://www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.
Body of episode:
So, pre-and peri-menopause. I’ve been wanting to talk about this for quite some time. I hope this content helps you recognize signs you may have ignored or missed. And how to deal.
As I did the research for this episode, I realized this content might be quite triggering, so please know that upfront, and maybe wait to listen until you are in a good place. Maybe tomorrow you will feel better than today, for instance. Just FYI.
Remember to check the show notes for all of the links I used in the research for this episode.
Let’s get started:
According to Let’s Get Checked:
‘Hot flashes, night sweats, mood changes, and difficulty having a good night’s sleep; the signs and symptoms of menopause in women are all too well known by most but aren’t believed to be experienced by many until they hit their 50s; with 51 being the average age in the United States, according to Mayo Clinic [1].
To set the record straight, menopause doesn’t happen overnight. In fact, your body can take a significant period of time before menopause to transition, this is known by experts as perimenopause or premature menopause by some. So if you’re experiencing menopause symptoms at a ‘not so’ menopausal age, this might be why; some women will notice certain shifts in their 40s and some might notice perimenopausal symptoms as early as their 30s.’
Perimenopause, which translates to ‘around menopause, includes symptoms such as:
- Vaginal dryness
- Irregular menstrual cycles or heavy periods
- Hot flashes
- A shift in cholesterol levels
- Sleep problems
Other emotional symptoms can include:
- Irritability
- Lack of motivation
- Fatigue
- Mood swings or changes
I don’t know about you but I never attributed fatigue to the possibility of peri-menopause. Probably because like many of you, my daily to-do list is as long as the day. We all have so much to do every day right?
Now the hot flashes, I can write a book! I take a supplement that seems to help. Because I am not a clinician, I will not mention any names. I will say that it is something I get from my local health food store.
I did a lot of research, taking many different types until I found one that actually worked. I went the natural way because I really did not want another prescription drug in my system.
Of course, if a prescription works best for you, do what is best for you. And definitely have a conversation with your ob-gyn or general practitioner.
Now I’m going to be honest with you: I really thought that pre-menopause and peri-menopause were on opposite ends of the spectrum. I can’t even explain why I thought that, but here we are.
Anyway, according to Healthline:
‘Premenopause and perimenopause are sometimes used interchangeably, but technically they have different meanings…’ they go on to say that ‘premenopause is when you have no symptoms of perimenopause or menopause.’ OK. Well, kinda makes sense since pre- means before right? But honestly, peri- means about the same thing, before, near, etc.
Once again, that’s why it’s always a great idea to do research.
Healthline also says ‘You still have periods — whether they’re regular or irregular — and are considered to be in your reproductive years. Some hormonal changes may be occurring, but there are no noticeable changes in your body. On the other hand, during perimenopause, you’ll start to experience symptoms of menopause.’
Now, I don’t know about that. I believe that if ‘some hormonal changes may be occurring’, then symptoms must be evident. You may realize some time down the line in your pre-/peri-menopause journey, that you will look back and say ‘wait, I do recall that feeling or that episode. That’s my humble opinion, for whatever it’s worth.
Well, as I continued my research, I came upon Web.MD’s take on pre-and perimenopause. Always gotta see what is going on at WebMD. They say that:
‘Perimenopause, or menopause transition, begins several years before menopause. It’s the time when the ovaries gradually begin to make less estrogen. It usually starts in women’s 40s but can start in their 30s or even earlier.
Perimenopause lasts up until menopause, the point when the ovaries stop releasing eggs. In the last 1 to 2 years of perimenopause, this drop in estrogen speeds up. At this stage, many women have menopause symptoms.
They also say that:
How Long Does Perimenopause Last?
The average length of perimenopause is 4 years, but for some women, this stage may last only a few months or continue for 10 years.’ Key: Perimenopause ends when women have gone 12 months without having their period.
Also in my research, I came across a site called ASRM–American Society for Reproductive Medicine. They have pretty similar information. One thing that stood out, and this may be a trigger for some of you: ‘ Pregnancy is rare but not impossible, so contraception is still needed to avoid pregnancy.’ Hmph. So there’s that.
Finally, Franciscan Health. They really get straight to the point, I mean “Your ovaries are shutting down, but the process takes some time. That process is called perimenopause.” Whew!
They do also say that ‘The first perimenopause sign is typically a disruption of your menstrual cycle. For many women, your period starts earlier or later than normal. For example, if your menstrual cycle has always been 28 days, during perimenopause, your period could come as early as 21 or as late as 35 days. Some women start skipping months entirely and then experience heavier-than-normal periods when they do have them.’
So although many women have experienced this, if you have not yet, here’s your FYI. If your period arrival times start to go awry this may be why. Mine showed up like clockwork (thanks mom for showing me how to count the days). Because I had fibroid issues, my experience with pre-peri-menopause was not long-lived.
I will tell you that my experience included what I call man-made menopause and natural menopause. When I was trying to buy time hoping to meet Mr. Right, I agreed to an intramuscular injection that was used to reduce the size of fibroids. The medication came in a monthly form and a quarterly form. I tried both. This medication had to be injected by the doctor, um, in the buttocks. Yeah. So actually I went through menopause twice.
But the side effects were horrendous! I was so upset, moody, short-tempered. Just terrible. I eventually advised my ob-gyn that I just couldn’t do it anymore. I felt like if I had continued on the medication I would have to be committed. Yes, it was that bad. In fact, the hot flashes from this man-made menopause were in my opinion much worse than natural menopause.
Every time I stopped any type of treatment during that 10 year period, I felt so down and dejected. I just wanted to know what it was that I did wrong to be in this situation.
If you are asking the same questions just know that you did nothing wrong. Life is indiscriminate. That’s it. Indiscriminate. Don’t beat yourself up. Do the best you can physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally; to care for yourself.
As I always say, find a doctor, an ob-gyn who is committed to your care. My Ob-gyn committed to going on my journey with me. He did not push me toward the hysterectomy, but when I was ready he was very positive and encouraging, advising me that he knew it was a difficult decision but that I was going to have an exponentially better quality of life. In the end, he was right. But it was definitely not what I wanted to hear at the time. It was a difficult time. But I made it! And so can you.
If you are or think you are dealing with pre-or perimenopause, please talk to your healthcare provider. And be sure to do your own research so that you can have an engaged and fruitful conversation with your doctor.
Notice I always say to get a second opinion and even change doctors if you feel your doctor is not listening? Well, pre-, peri-, and menopause, are the areas where they are not known for listening very much. I hate to brush with a broad stroke, but I have heard so many women say, myself included; that they were prescribed ahem, a medication to calm their nerves when complaining about sleeplessness, hot flashes, etc. Don’t just accept that a ‘calming prescription’ is the only way to fix these issues. So, yeah, do your homework, do your homework, do your homework.
Get a second opinion, see what your hormone and estrogen levels are, see what your doctor suggests, see what is available OTC–over the counter. Know your body.
Research links:
https://www.healthline.com/health/menopause/difference-perimenopause
https://www.webmd.com/menopause/guide/guide-perimenopause
https://www.franciscanhealth.org/community/blog/first-signs-of-perimenopause
Articles/links of interest:
My contact information:
Website: http://www.childlessnotbychoice.net and http://www.civillamorgan.com
Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan
Twitter: @civilla1
Instagram: @joyandrelevance
Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM
LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM
https://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice
Episode 136–Happy New Year!
Intro:
Hello, and welcome to episode 136 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you that you can live a joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, life. Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in!
What is today’s show about?
- Happy New Year
- Goals and Visions document
- Join FB groups–make them primary
- Survey
- Questions or comments? Contact me at:
Email: Info@civillamorgan.com
Or
Visit the website at http://www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.
Articles/links of interest:
https://childlessnotbychoice.net/product/blueprint-for-your-goals-and-visions/
My contact information:
Website: http://www.childlessnotbychoice.net and http://www.civillamorgan.com
Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan
Twitter: @civilla1
Instagram: @joyandrelevance
Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM
LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM
https://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice
Episode 134–The Dame Who Made a Difference
Intro:
Hello, and welcome to episode 134 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you that you can live a joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, life.
Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in!
What is today’s show about?
Today’s show is about a dame. But first, thank you to…
…my Patreon contributors:
I would like to take a moment to thank the people who make a financial contribution to the platform on a monthly basis, my Patreon Contributors.
Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!
If you are not yet a Patron, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution. No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!
If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at booksbycivillamorgan@gmail.com.
Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!
https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice
- Jordan Morgan
- The Knights
- Susie
- Tiffany
- Your Name Here
https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice
Questions or comments? Contact me at:
Email: Info@civillamorgan.com
Or
Visit the website at http://www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.
BTW, if you are a Patron, there is a fresh new video on the Patreon site. Be sure to check it out!
So, welcome to December Ya’ll! It’s a tough month for us as childless people, but never you fear, have I got a story for you?! But first I want to thank you so much for your support this year. Thanks for listening to episodes, and thanks for reaching out to let me know how the episodes, the podcast, is helping you.
I hear from a lot of you on Instagram, how cool right? Remember, you can find and follow me @joyandrelevance on Instagram. I’m also on Pinterest, Civilla Morgan.
Sooo, January is already recorded! I can’t wait for you to hear my conversation with Sarah Roberts. It is just the perfect way to start a new year! Be sure to tune in. Hey, tune in all year. And don’t be a stranger. Your feedback really is a real source of encouragement.
I’m a history buff. I mean I love anything history. World history, the history of humanity, medieval history, art history. I mean I love history! In fact, one of my favorite podcasts is all about women throughout history. So imagine my shock and surprise when I heard about this amazing woman!
You see, the woman I’m talking about today was childless and husbandless, like many of us. And that’s what caught my eye. She had been mentioned on social media on the anniversary of her death. I believe it was a Google Doodle. I like to read the story behind Google Doodles because well, I love history and historical facts. But when they said she never married or had children, well, me too!
The timing of it all was quite interesting too. I had been reading lots of posts on IG, about the treatment by society of those of us who never married and never had children, in earnest, the last couple of months. I mean it’s a thing, I’m living it, and have been for many years. But I had not heard much talk about it until the last few months as of this recording. The pain in the posts was palpable.
Well, after a little digging, I found one book on Amazon which I promptly ordered. I had to wait a little bit for the book, which made me a little nervous, but it finally came. It is an interesting read. Information on the book in the show notes, as well as some additional informational links on this lady!
So here’s the thing: Childless, husbandless, and a dame. Mary Eugenia Charles’ father started his life as a mason and then a farmer. He was snubbed by the elite, but that did not get in the way of his goals. He quietly went about the business of amassing wealth while the community looked down on him until he surpassed them in wealth. Her farmer father turned banker for the everyday person.
His plan was to send his four children to the best schools. Two of them became doctors, one became a nun, against her parent’s wishes. And Eugenia went to law school. Then she got into politics.
Oh, but imagine a woman getting into politics in the 1960s. You think it’s a man’s world now.
She had to create a tough exterior to deal with men who definitely did not want her in their presence. They felt she was a deviant because she never married and never had children. They felt she belonged in a lower class because her father had to work his way up the class ladder.
She has been listed in Guida-Myrl Jackson-Laufer’s list of ‘Women Rulers Throughout the Ages’, listed among women such as Cleopatra, Mary Queen of Scots, and Isabella Queen of Spain; just to name a few.
But hey, she gave as good as she got, although it had to be tough to hear that she was sterile, wore cheap underwear, really? Ignored when she fainted in the midst of these sharks. But she survived.
She was indeed so successful at turning her country around, she ruled for 15 years, even surviving two attempted coups. Some of you may remember the invasion of Grenada back in the 1980s? She was an integral part of that. She brought battling factions in her country Dominica, not to be confused with The Dominican Republic. Two very different places. together, and put strong people in her cabinet; which tells me she had a healthy level of self-confidence. Something I personally like in people I surround myself with. Just an aside.
Intriguing right? I mean aside from the obvious that she was childless and husbandless? It is said that she never married because she never met anyone she wanted to marry.
These aren’t the days of arranged marriage right? So she just never met anyone and sometimes that’s just the way it is. Yet she made things happen despite the treatment she received, and despite not adhering to society’s ‘norms’. I mean some people marry so that they are not lonely. Some people opt not to marry if they can’t marry for love. Oh, this diehard romantic was shocked when I found out in my younger years that people married for all types of reasons and that love was just one of the reasons! The shock! I also came to the realization that for me, I had no intention of marrying for anything less than love because when the going gets tough I have to know I love this person. But that’s me.
So, how are you making stuff happen despite being childless or childless and husbandless? How do you deal with the people who watch you faint and ignore you? Or the people who accuse you of wearing cheap underwear? What about the people who spread assumptions about you? How will you deal? How do you deal?
Let me remind you…
Those of us who are husbandless and childless are a family unit unto ourselves. I’ve said it before, a family is not only parents and kids, or husband and wife no kids. It can be you, just you. Human, worthy, single, childless, beautiful you.
Remember that this holiday season. You deserve a place at the adult table just as much as the couple or the parents. Your sleeping arrangements should not be an afterthought.
Now look, I realize you don’t want to create drama at the family gatherings, and I don’t want you to either. But I bet that’s why some families believe they can treat the single childless family member as an afterthought. They don’t believe you will make a scene. And you don’t have to. If there is a problem, kindly pull the host aside and have a civil conversation. If you feel the conversation is going nowhere, feel free to adult and make alternate plans some years.
Look, we all want to see our family members, we all want to belong. But we have to decide if we want to belong so much we are willing to accept bad treatment gathering after gathering after gathering. Making alternate plans sometimes shows that you love and respect yourself.
Please, love and respect yourself. Until you do, no one else will.
We are living in unbelievably difficult times. I mean family gatherings were difficult pre-pandemic. Now, everything has changed. Life as we knew it is no longer, no matter how much we want it to be all back to normal. Normal is going to be different. And I believe the reason some of us are having a difficult time acclimating is that we are not moving ahead, but looking backward.
There was good back there, but there was also bad back there. There was dysfunction, there was petty behavior at family gatherings. And yes, there are good memories from back there.
But ahead, are good memories and good times. Especially when you create those moments and exercise those kind but firm boundaries. Trust your decisions. Trust your heart. Trust yourself. And have a lovely Holiday Season.
Details of her life:
Mary Eugenia Charles, DBE was a Dominican politician who was Prime Minister of Dominica from 21 July 1980 until 14 June 1995. The first woman lawyer in Dominica, she was Dominica’s first, and to date only, female prime minister. Wikipedia
Born: May 15, 1919, Pointe Michel, Dominica
Died: September 6, 2005, Fort-de-France, Martinique
Nationality: Dominican
Previous office: Prime Minister of Dominica (1980–1995)
Education: University of Toronto, London School of Economics and Political Science
Organization founded: Dominica Freedom Party
http://www.marylandattorneyatlaw.com; 301-218-9400
Articles/links of interest:
https://www.thegrenadarevolutiononline.com/damecharles.html
https://www.britannica.com/biography/Eugenia-Charles
Add hashtags: #youdonthaveto
Add alt tags: they help sight impaired people know what the episode is about
Survey link:
My contact information:
Website: http://www.childlessnotbychoice.net and http://www.civillamorgan.com
Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan
Twitter: @civilla1
Instagram: @joyandrelevance
Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM
LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM
https://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice
Research links:
Articles/links of interest:
https://21stcenturyhannah.libsyn.com/episode-85-adenomyosis-in-april
https://21stcenturyhannah.libsyn.com/episode-120-lets-talk-about-it
Special thank you to:
Everyone who reached out the last few months, including 2020. I received several pieces of feedback on Instagram Messenger from people who advised the podcast has helped them quite a bit. I have put links to the episodes mentioned in the feedback here in the show notes. I cannot tell you how much it means to me to hear from you when an episode or the podcast on a whole, has helped you on your childless not by choice journey. Podcasters do not ask for feedback because we are narcissistic. Feedback is an engine for us. I like to give you all little tidbits of insight into the world of podcasting from time to time. And in the world of podcasting, feedback is part of the engine that keeps us going. When I first started podcasting and I was not getting tons of downloads, I would sometimes ask myself why exactly I was doing this. No one is listening, I would tell myself. I am not hearing from anyone. And just then, so many times, just then, I would get an email, a message in Facebook Messenger, or an Instagram post from a listener thanking me for what I do. It never failed. Those messages helped. So when you send a message, know that I read it. In fact, I have responded to every piece of feedback I’ve received. Thank you!
My contact information:
Website: http://www.childlessnotbychoice.net and http://www.civillamorgan.com
Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan
Twitter: @civilla1
Instagram: @joyandrelevance
Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM
LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM
https://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice
Episode 133–BYE! HIATUS 2021 EPISODE
Hello, and welcome to episode 133 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you that you can live a joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, life.
Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in!
What is today’s show about?
In this week’s episode, we will discuss…
- No new episodes for October and November, back in December.
2) 1×1 conversations with me.
3) If you have not already done so…
But first…
Thank you Patreon contributors:
I would like to take a moment to thank my patrons, my Patreon patrons, for their monthly support.
(Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!)
If you are not yet a Patron, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution. No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you! If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at booksbycivillamorgan@gmail.com.
Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!
https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice
- Jordan Morgan
- The Knights
- Susie
- Tiffany
- Your Name Here
https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice
Questions or comments? Contact me at:
Email: Info@civillamorgan.com
Or
Visit the website at http://www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen, and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.
Body of episode:
- No new episodes for October and November, back in December.
I believe this is my third year taking October and November off. As many of you know, my mom passed in May 2019, but by August or September, I was drowning in grief. If I remember correctly it was about that time I decided to take a look at the possibility of taking some time off from podcasting. That two-month break helped so much I decided to continue doing it.
But I am going to be forthcoming with you from a podcaster’s point of view: when I first decided to take this break, I thought about the fact that taking two months off annually would keep me from achieving a higher number of podcast episodes. You know, six years in, and having started out with two episodes per month, I should be closer to 200 episodes at this point.
But as quickly as the thought entered my mind, I deleted it! The thought had to go. I could not afford to allow ego and comparing myself to other podcasts and podcasters to affect my decision to think about my mental health. I believe when we pay attention to where we are mentally and emotionally, and adjust accordingly, we show up in a healthy way to the world, to our world; and to the tasks, we signed up for as well as the tasks we have been assigned.
I know I talked last episode about mental health, but unless I got this absolutely wrong, incorrect; I believe all seven billion plus of us continue to be in a stressful and tiring place. Maybe not all the time or all at once, but this world is in a difficult place right now.
I don’t know about you, but globally it feels like things are happening one thing right after the other. We will have to make the individual decision as to what we take on and what we keep at bay. And the list can be fluid, every day is not the same. But we have to put some thought into our daily decisions. That is how I believe we protect our mental health without feeling guilty.
Examples include:
- cutting down on how much news we ingest. Being in the know by watching the news is not bad, it’s how much we take in that can be bad. I am guilty of too much news. I will admit it right now. Some people consume news all day and it does not seem to bother them. But they want to talk to you about it and maybe you just don’t want to hear it.
Now when the news started to bother me on another level, and that started right around…now. Go figure. I decided to do more reading and less news consumption. We have to pay attention to when things take a turn inside our heads and our hearts. We have to be that in tune. For some, it may take work, but for others, and I believe those of us who are introverts, we know almost before it happens when our heart and our mind are turning a corner. And we say ‘OK, that’s it, no more…news, negative conversation, negative thoughts…’ etc. And you do this without feeling guilty or necessarily making those around you feel bad. It can be done. Which kinda leads to…
- balancing helping others and maintaining our peace and downtime. You’ve heard the term: ‘you can’t pour from an empty cup.’ Some of us are caring for others, some do so in a professional capacity. Either way, try to find some time to take a break. Even if it is an hour at your local coffee shop or sitting out on your patio taking a nap. We all need a minute. Don’t be afraid to take the minute. Oh, and the beach. Don’t forget the beach. As much as I talk about it, I only got to go once this summer. The second time I decided to go, it started pouring rain. Any whoo…take a moment for you. Next…
- Try not to internalize things. I believe many times we internalize things we believe are our fault, but even if the issue is our fault, internalizing is not healthy. Find a way to manage issues without taking everything to heart. It will help maintain your heart health. If you can make things right with the person you may be at odds with, try. If they don’t want to, at least you know you tried. And remind yourself, no one is perfect. Not even you.
I have looked back on situations and wished I had not said something or wished I had apologized right away, but if that’s not how the situation worked out, know that you did the best you could with the situation, and try to handle things better the next time. This is for those of you, like me, who like to beat yourselves up. Trust me. I know. But what I also know is that there is not one single perfect human on this planet. Some pretend they are. They may even come after you like they are perfect, forgetting that just yesterday they made a mess. Do the best you can, always. Keep your heart in the right place, and remember: There is no perfect human. And…
- Don’t be afraid to ask for help. To get help. Which segues nicely into the next topic.
- If you would like to have a 1×1 conversation with me about issues you may be having around your childlessness, go to the Shop page.
Click the link for 1×1 sessions, and follow the directions.
Please note there is a non-refundable fee for this service. I believe that talking things out helps quite a bit and I look forward to speaking with you. But please note: I am not a licensed therapist.
I am a person who has run the gamut of feelings from deep sadness, dare I say depression, as I watched my life not turn out the way I expected it to turn out. To arrive at a place I did not expect to be, never even knowing such a place existed. Then coming to terms with my childlessness, and the way my life turned out. I believe talking about that journey helps quite a bit.
- So, just a few more things…If you have not already done so:
- Please take the survey. There is a link here in the show notes, as well as in the Facebook group.
- Please also leave a rating and or a review for the show. You can do so at Apple Podcast or within any app on which you listen.
- If you have episode ideas, please email them to me at civilla@civillamorgan.com, or Messenger me. Feel free to do so even during my hiatus.
- I will be back in December with a fresh new episode. If you are in the U.S. I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving. I really do not know what Thanksgiving will look like this year as we continue to battle this crazy virus. But wherever in the world you are, please stay safe. And remember what I always say about family gatherings, whether they are in person or on Zoom, you can leave when you are good and ready. You do not need to accept disrespect. Remember, people treat you the way you allow them to treat you. Kind but firm boundaries. Practice them, and take care of yourself!
See you in December!
Items of interest:
https://21stcenturyhannah.libsyn.com/episode-85-adenomyosis-in-april
Survey link:
My contact information:
Website: http://www.childlessnotbychoice.net and http://www.civillamorgan.com
Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan
Twitter: @civilla1
Instagram: @joyandrelevance
Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM
LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM
https://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice
