infertility

Episode 120–Let’s Talk About IT

Hello, and welcome to another episode of the Childless not by Choice Podcast, where my mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world. Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we did not have the children we so wanted. I also welcome you even if you do not fit the demographic. Maybe you did not want children, maybe you have children. Thanks for tuning in.  Welcome to episode –120!

When I started this podcast I had no idea. I could just end that sentence right there. I mean, no idea what I was doing, no idea of the deep valley moments of lost episodes, ruined episodes, tears of frustration. And the mountaintop moments where I got the interview! The authors, the suggested episode topics from people listening from halfway around the world. The emails and Facebook Messenger messages from people who wanted to remain anonymous. The words of encouragement, the care package from a listener in Hawaii or funding for lavalier mics from a listener way in the northern part of our planet. I had no idea.  

I had no idea I would make it to 120 episodes. Podfading is a real thing. It typically happens around episode 7.  You just realize this podcasting thing is not for you, or maybe life gets in the way. And you stop, promising yourself you will be back. But…

And life did happen to me. As my mom became more ill, I went from two episodes per month to one. I’m on my third podcast producer in five years. I have decided that going forward I will take a two-month break in October and November. That saved my sanity last year.     

I’m humbled. I’m thankful to you for listening and tuning in month after month. I’m thankful for your episode suggestions. I am thankful for your letters and notes as they encourage me just as much as you say this podcast encourages you. Every once in a while I still have imposter syndrome. But I push through and keep writing and creating. I mean, am I an imposter if I’ve been writing since I was 11 years old?  Maybe. But I love to write, I love to create with my writing.  And look, there’s a 120 episode just about five-year-old podcast here. I had no idea!

Thank you! Now please tell someone about this podcast!    

Patreon Contributors: I would also like to thank my patrons for their monthly financial contributions to the platform. If you would like to join the Patreon family of monthly contributors, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice, and set up your monthly contribution for as little as $5.00 per month! No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!  

And if you prefer to give a one time gift via PayPal, you can find me there at booksbycivillamorgan@gmail.com. Either way, your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!

 

https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice

  • Jordan Morgan
  • The Knights
  • Your Name Here


    Questions or comments? Contact me at:

Email: Info@civillamorgan.com

                                               Or

 

Visit the website at https://www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.

Stitcher Premium info:

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Stitcher Premium Promo Copy:

Wherever  — or however — you’re listening to this podcast right now, take a moment and check out Stitcher. Those of you listening to Stitcher already get why. For those who don’t know what Stitcher is, it is a FREE podcast app for iPhone and Android and home to over two hundred and sixty thousand podcasts. Stitcher also has smart recommendations, playlists, a car mode, even a sleep timer! While the Stitcher app is free to use, they also offer a Premium subscription service called Stitcher Premium that has exclusive bonus episodes from top shows, exclusive shows from top hosts, and ad-free listening all for only $4.99 per month or $34.99 per year. Check out Stitcher Premium today and remember to use Promo code NOTBYCHOICE.  

Body of episode content:

Let’s talk about it. There is a pandemic going on, there is social unrest in America, we watched a man murdered on video in broad daylight, in 2020, solely because of the color of his skin. And here we are thinking it’s the 21st century and we are more civilized. 

 Other countries marched in commiseration and agreement with us, that police brutality against people of color must stop. We saw you on the news, and we thank you, from New Zealand to South Korea, to Australia, to Scotland, to South Africa, to Canada. The Indigenous people of Australia, the Maori, The Native Americans, we see you. We are all human first. And if we are alive, if we made it through the birth canal, we deserve at the minimum, basic human respect. 

 There is social unrest in other countries, for various reasons. Wherever you are listening from there is probably some breaking news. There’s always breaking news. 

And there is a lot of stress. Our own personal stresses. Bills, joblessness due to the pandemic or not, caring for loved ones, worrying about our personal future and the future of our respective countries.  Yes, we childless not by choice women have worries too. I have said it in previous episodes, we pay taxes into school districts to which we have no kids enrolled. That’s not a hater or hateful comment. It is a fact. 

We have concerns. They may be different concerns than those with children, but they are just as valid.  

Whew, talk about stress! What to do?! 

Well, I talk about what to do in episode 118. How to keep the stress levels down, getting mental health help by talking to a trusted friend or counselor. And taking time for yourself.

I talk about recognizing and dealing with triggers in episode 94. Be sure to check out both episodes, links are in the show notes. 

Also in the show notes is a four-minute recording called ‘Privilege is like a Blanket’. Check it out!   

So, in light of everything that is going on, and although I created that four-minute episode I mentioned about privilege being like a blanket, I want to go deeper.  Because I would bet all I have, that America is not the only country where racism exists. 

And more to the point, it is not the only country where implicit bias and racism are built into every part of the human existence. From kindergarten to the nursing home, people of color have been and are being treated with implicit bias. I put a link in the show notes about a doctor, an educated man, who is also a lawmaker, asking if the virus is affecting people of color more because we’re not washing our hands. Yes, it’s 2020 and people with this filthy mindset are walking among us. It’s scary. This guy could have been my doctor. I’m not a mind reader. Discernment of his stupidity might be the only thing that might have saved me from continuing to go to him.

So, if implicit bias exists in all aspects of our lives, even healthcare, what about the healthcare of childless not by choice women? 

Aha! Great question. 

Women who have been sterilized down through history:

It’s estimated that as many as 25-50 percent of Native American women were sterilized between 1970 and 1976. Forced sterilization programs are also a part of history in Puerto Rico, where sterilization rates are said to be the highest in the world. Google–Jan 29, 2016

Imagine going to the hospital for a common surgical procedure such as an appendectomy, only to find out afterward that you’d been sterilized. In the 20th century, untold numbers of women of color endured such life-altering experiences in part because of medical racism. Black, Native American, and Puerto Rican women report being sterilized without their consent after undergoing routine medical procedures or after giving birth.

Others say they unknowingly signed documentation allowing them to be sterilized or were coerced into doing so. The experiences of these women strained relations between people of color and healthcare personnel. In the 21st century, members of communities of color still widely distrust medical officials.

Women who have had surgeries they did not need, and yes this can happen to women of any race:

An estimated 7.5 million unnecessary medical and surgical procedures are performed annually with the number of unnecessary hospital stays around 8.9 million a year… 

–Google

So, as we close out here, I wanted to remind you of a couple of things. If you are a member of the Childless not by choice with Civilla Morgan Facebook group, we had a little get together in our Facebook group on Mother’s Day! And now we are planning on having another get together in July, but this time it will be in Zoom so that more of us can come on video. Facebook only allows two people at a time. That’s not a real party! So, there is a poll going in the group, be sure to choose the date that works for you. Majority wins. I will post the date and time in the group, and the Zoom link a few minutes before we start.

Be sure to check out the show notes. I put links in there to the two episodes I discussed in this episode, and there’s a bunch of other stuff. Always check the show notes! 

Articles of note:

https://supchina.com/2020/06/09/the-troll-who-shamed-yang-liping-for-childlessness-condemns-online-abuse-after-controversy/

https://childlessnotbychoice.net/bonus-episode-privilege-its-like-a-blanket/

https://childlessnotbychoice.net/triggers-how-to-recognize-them-face-them-and-deal-with-them/

https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-118-that-virus-sets-new-boundaries/

Articles used for this episode:

https://www.americanbar.org/groups/crsj/publications/human_rights_magazine_home/the-state-of-healthcare-in-the-united-states/racial-disparities-in-health-care/

https://www.nytimes.com/2020/06/11/us/politics/steve-huffman-african-americans-coronavirus.html

https://www.thoughtco.com/u-s-governments-role-sterilizing-women-of-color-2834600

https://www.cnn.com/2019/11/11/health/virginia-doctor-hysterectomies-trnd/index.html

https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2013/06/18/unnecessary-surgery-usa-today-investigation/2435009/

https://www.washingtonpost.com/dc-md-va/2019/11/11/an-obgyn-mutilated-women-with-unnecessary-hysterectomies-tube-ties-cleanouts-feds-say/

My contact information:

Website: https://www.childlessnotbychoice.net and http://www.civillamorgan.com
Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan
Twitter: @civilla1
Instagram: @joyandrelevance
Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM
LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM
https://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice



If you would like to become a one time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at info@civillamorgan.com for details. 

Remember, subscription to the podcast is free. Simply go to Apple Podcast, Stitcher Radio, Spotify, Overcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Search for Childless not by Choice, and hit the subscribe button. It’s that easy! 


Well, thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice! Until next time! Bye!

‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’

 

‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.

Until next time, Bye!  

Episode–119 Mothers Day 2020

Mother’s Day 2020

 

Intro:

Hello, and welcome to another episode of the Childless not by Choice Podcast, where my mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world. Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we did not have the children we so wanted. I also welcome you if you do not fit the demographic. Maybe you did not want children, maybe you have children. Thanks for tuning in.  Welcome to episode 119!

 

Well, we have some things to talk about this Mother’s Day. But before we get into that…

Patreon Contributors: I would like to thank my patrons for their monthly financial contributions to the platform. If you would like to join the Patreon family of monthly contributors, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice, and set up your monthly contribution for as little as $5.00 per month! No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!  

And if you prefer to give a one time gift via PayPal, you can find me there at booksbycivillamorgan@gmail.com. Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!

 

https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice

  • Jordan Morgan
  • The Knights
  • Your Name Here

I also wanted to share something with you:

Wherever  — or however — you’re listening to this podcast right now, take a moment and check out Stitcher. Those of you listening on Stitcher already get why. For those who don’t know what Stitcher is, it is a FREE podcast app for iPhone and Android and home to over two hundred and sixty thousand podcasts. Stitcher also has smart recommendations, playlists, a car mode, even a sleep timer! While the Stitcher app is free to use, they also offer a Premium subscription service called Stitcher Premium that has exclusive bonus episodes from top shows, exclusive shows from top hosts, and ad-free listening all for only $4.99 per month or $34.99 per year. Check out Stitcher Premium today and remember to use Promo code NOTBYCHOICE.  

Questions or comments? Contact me at:

Email: Info@civillamorgan.com

                                               Or

 

Visit the website at https://www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.

So…let me start by saying this, although it may sound like I am starting a conversation in the middle of a sentence…

  • Being kind to yourself alleviates the painful words and nonsense from family, friends and strangers. When you are kind to yourself, you like yourself.  
  • You have to like you, sincerely like you, faults, and warts, and all. And when that happens, then you will get to the point where you love yourself. I’m not talking about a prideful, haughty, perfectionist like or love. I am talking about a self-respecting love despite faults and failures. You must know that no one is perfect, not even beautiful you.  We will all have faults and failures. The key is to know what they are. Look them in the eye and know them. Then make the decision every day not to allow them to define you.  When you do that, failures will happen, but much less often than if you pretended you were perfect and everyone else was at fault.  This is a great segue to point number three…
  • We are all in different places in our cnbc journey in particular, and in our life journey in general. This means we cannot compare our journey to someone else’s. Look, there can be a group of childless not by choice women sitting chatting together, and one of the women in the group can be so deep in her grief she might be thinking to herself that another woman in the group doesn’t seem so dissatisfied with her life. This woman probably did not want kids to begin with.  And nothing could be further from the truth. It just so happens that this sincerely happy woman is at a place in her life where she has achieved acceptance. See what I did there? The key word is achieved. It takes work to reach acceptance. And even after acceptance has been achieved, she may still have moments that last a few seconds or a few minutes where she feels a tug, a whisper, of what might have been.   
  • Grief, you know? It doesn’t completely disappear, it blends into the fabric of who we are, our experiences. It doesn’t get erased, forgotten, or ignored. 
  • So, when the insensitivities come, and they will, they will be met with, if not now, at some point on your journey, proper boundaries of self-respect and self-love. Such healthy boundaries will allow us to deal with insensitivity year-round, but especially on Mother’s Day.  
  • Well, I could not end this bittersweet Mother’s Day without wishing my own mommy a Happy Mother’s Day. My heart is still broken into a million pieces. May 6th will be a year, but it feels like just yesterday that she left this earth where she was bound by constant pain. I miss her more than words can say. And my subconscious knows it because the closer we get to May 6th, 2020, the more my heartaches. The more I feel the tears coursing down my face out of nowhere.  It’s amazing how little the world cares about your loss, and how much that small circle of friends does. I am so thankful for the wonderful women who have rallied around me.  They know who they are. The wonderful women who are physically nearby, and the wonderful admins in our childless not by choice group who have their own lives to deal with, but still tend to our Facebook group. Thank you to all of you for checking in, for praying, for kind words, for community.  Whether you are a mother or not, you have the heart of a mother, and no one can take that away from you.

Episode takeaways:

‘The closer we get to May 6th 2020, the more the tears course down my face out of nowhere.’

‘Thank you to all of you for checking in, for your kind words, for community.’

‘Mother’s Day is not easy for so many reasons.’

‘I don’t like to say things like ‘she’s in a better place…I’d rather say she’s in a place where there is no pain.’

‘As a Believer, I know she is in Heaven, and I know Heaven is a much better place than this earth, but I prefer to say she is in a place where there is no pain.’  

‘Whether you are a mother or not, you have the heart of a mother, and no one can take that away from you. Happy Mother’s Day.’ 

‘You’re where you’re supposed to be.’

 

Special thank you to:

Stitcher Premium.

My contact information:

Website: https://www.childlessnotbychoice.net and http://www.civillamorgan.com
Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan
Twitter: @civilla1
Instagram: @joyandrelevance
Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM
LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM
https://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice


If you would like to become a one time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at info@civillamorgan.com for details. 

Remember, subscription to the podcast is free. Simply go to Apple Podcast, Stitcher Radio, Spotify, Overcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Search for Childless not by Choice, and hit the subscribe button. It’s that easy! 


Well, thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice! Until next time! Bye!

‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’

 

‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.

 

Episode 108–Childless not by Choice ‘For Sale, Baby Shoes, Never Worn’

Hello everyone! Welcome back to Childless not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world. Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we did not have the children we so wanted. I would also like to thank everyone who recognizes that we are not all living the same type of life.

Welcome to episode 108

  • Questions or comments? Contact me at:

Email: Info@civillamorgan.com

                                              Or

Visit the website at https://www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.

Let’s jump right in!

‘For sale: baby shoes, never worn.’–Ernest Hemingway.

Some say this was a short story Ernest Hemingway was asked to write. Some say this story pre-dates him. To me, regardless of the origin, it sounds like a story prompt. You know the prompts your English or history teacher probably gave you, and then you had to come up with the rest of the story.

What is the rest of the story, your story? Why not use this story prompt to write your story. Write the story you would like to see play out for the rest of your life, not the life you wish you had. Your life. Be realistic, be positive, be truthful, be kind.

If you feel like sharing, send your letter in and I will read it on a future episode.    

Before we move on, I would like to thank my Patreon contributors for their monthly financial contribution to the platform.

And becoming a Patron just got easier. The link https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice is now on the https://www.childlessnotbychoice.net website. Just go to the home screen, look to the left below the telephone, and you will see the Patreon link.

Clicking the link takes you to the Patreon site where you can choose whichever level of contribution fits your monthly budget. It’s that easy! Your contributions are appreciated!

And by the way, that telephone on the website, there is a link below it that allows you to leave me a 90-second message. Give me a shout out. I may play your message on a future episode!

Thank you to:

https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice

  • Jordan Morgan
  • Ivy Calhoun
  • Sandra Carzado
  • Your Name Here

In this episode, I want to talk about depression for a moment.  

According to Google, the definition of depression is 1.) ‘feelings of severe despondency and dejection.’

We’ve all been there. I remember feeling the most depressed during my 30’s.  Probably because that was when everyone I knew was getting married and having kids. I kept asking God what was wrong with me. What was it about me that other people seemed to see that I did not? I questioned everything about myself. How tiresome that was!

If you are going through the same thing now, I totally get it but try turning the conversation around in your head.

Start telling yourself good things. It may seem forced at first but keep at it. There are some great affirmations on the Home page of the website, https://www.childlessnotbychoice.net. Check them out.  

You see, if you don’t like you, no one else will. And if you don’t speak positive things to yourself, all of the negativity from the negative people around you will seep through with no filter. Be your own filter. Create healthy boundaries. Smile as you protect yourself from the ugliness of the world. You are here. Make the best of it.

Because the alternative, I’ve been there. It is not something many of us want to admit. It has taken me 108 episodes to finally admit to depression. It’s not an easy thing to talk about even to a trusted friend. I have been depressed over my childlessness. Depressed over the fact that my life did not turn out as expected–having a family, like normal people. I have wondered why I am on this planet. I mean really, what’s the point? What do I do now?

What do I do with that innate need that 99.99% of women and men have, to want children? We see children as a way to carry our essence into the future. I wanted to pour all of my knowledge into a little vessel that had my features. I wanted to teach that little person how to get along with everyone, how to use a knife and fork, how to make it in the big city or in the wide open country. I did not get to do that. Now my branch of the family tree has come to an abrupt end. How depressing is that?

Well, here are five things you can do to look that tree branch in the face and overcome the depression that can come with an abrupt ending you did not see coming.

  1. Give to your local community: time/practical items/finances/life experiences/knowledge.
  2. Ask for help from a health and wellness professional, i.e. a therapist for the mental and emotional issues. Get an exercise coach for your physical well being. When you feel good, or at least better about yourself, depression is less likely to hang around, at least not as long as it would have otherwise.
  3. Plan for your future.  Put away as much as you can for your retirement, get rest and exercise, as mentioned above, and be aware of programs in your community that are there to help you as you age, and based on your age.
  4. Fight for your mental and emotional wellbeing. This means creating healthy boundaries between you and your family and friends. I created an entire course on how to create kind but firm boundaries. .  Remember, even during those times when you ask yourself why you are here unless they are trusted confidants who understand your struggle, your family and friends do not need to know. That is what your therapist is for. It’s not that you are pretending to be OK. Pretending to be OK would be opting not to admit you are depressed or opting not to see a therapist.  You just can’t tell everyone everything. You may have not had the horrible opportunity, but there are people who exist that like to kick a person when they are down. Protect your heart. And remember, even if you are all by yourself, you are a family unit. Do not allow anyone to speak negatively into your spirit and your soul about that.
  5. Carry on. Yes,  push through no matter what. Feelings come and go. Do not allow a temporary feeling to prompt you to make a permanent decision. I am not sure who said that, but it is so true. Get the help you need, take care of yourself, and carry on. All will be well as long as you do not stop along the way, to dwell on what was not to be. It was not to be. If it were, it would have happened–naturally or by your doing what was needed to be done to make it happen, i.e. adoption. Don’t beat yourself up if the adoption fell through, or the engagement broke off. Trust me when I tell you I am thankful for the day I broke off what I later realized would have been a nightmare!  Anywhoo!

Recently I was interviewed on a podcast where the host asked if I had ever considered suicide.  Well, here is my answer. I did not consider it, but if you have, I get it. But don’t do it. I sometimes wondered what it would be like just not to be here. Would I be missed? Yes, the answer is yes. We would be missed. Not by the children we did not have. In some cases probably not by family members. Which is very sad but it’s the world we live in.

You would be missed by the impression you would have made on this planet. The impression you are making now. The impression you are working on making now. Don’t give up. Man or woman, do not give up. You are the contribution to this world! Your talent is the contribution. Your existence is the contribution. Hang in there. Push through those valley moments.

Take that sad story prompt I mentioned at the beginning of the episode, and make a beautiful story out of it. That’s the wonderful thing about us as human beings, we can turn the ugliest, saddest prompts, into the most beautiful stories.                 

Do you have suggestions for pushing through depression? Let me know so that I can share it with your fellow listeners.

Thank you for tuning in to episode 108. I posted some great links in the show notes for you on mental health, depression, and counseling for those of us who become depressed over our childlessness.   

The show notes are always chock full of great content created just for you.

Be sure to check them out!

Remember to leave me a message from right there on the website, or become a patron by clicking the Patreon link from the website.https://www.childlessnotbychoice.net.   

Until next time, bye!

Articles used for this episode:

https://www.womenshealth.gov/mental-health/mental-health-conditions/depression

https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/depression/what-is-depression

https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/involuntary-childlessness-depression.htm

My contact information:

Website: https://www.childlessnotbychoice.net and http://www.civillamorgan.com
Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan
Twitter: @civilla1
Instagram: @joyandrelevance
Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM
LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM
https://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice


If you would like to become a one time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at info@civillamorgan.com for details.

Remember, subscription to the podcast is free. Simply go to Apple Podcast, Stitcher Radio, Spotify, Overcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Search for Childless not by Choice, and hit the subscribe button. It’s that easy!


Well, thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice! Until next time! Bye!

‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’

‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.

Episode 106–The Rest of the story

Hello everyone! Welcome back to Childless not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world. Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we did not have the children we so wanted. I would also like to thank everyone who recognizes that we are not all living the same type of life.

Welcome to episode 106!

 

  • Patreon Contributors: I would also like to thank my Patreon contributor Ivy Calhoun for her monthly financial contribution to the platform. Whether you contribute via patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice, or you go to the website and contribute via PayPal, your contributions are appreciated and used to help the platform get the word out. Thank you!

https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice

  • Ivy Calhoun
  • Your Name Here


    Questions or comments? Contact me at:

Email: Info@civillamorgan.com

                                              Or

Visit the website at https://www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.

  • We are going to one episode per month starting in March.
  • I am working a day job now.
  • Honoring my parents.
  • The Podcast will continue on!
  • If this podcast, this platform, has helped or encouraged you; make a contribution toward helping create awareness and conversation.   
  • Your patronage, Paypal contributions, and product purchases help the podcast.
  • Thank you for tuning and staying plugged in with us!

My contact information:

Website: https://www.childlessnotbychoice.net and http://www.civillamorgan.com
Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan
Twitter: @civilla1
Instagram: @joyandrelevance
Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM
LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM
https://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice



If you would like to become a one time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at info@civillamorgan.com for details.

Remember, subscription to the podcast is free. Simply go to Apple Podcast, Stitcher Radio, Spotify, Overcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Search for Childless not by Choice, and hit the subscribe button. It’s that easy!


Well, thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice! Until next time! Bye!

‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’

 ‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.

Episode 105–My interview with Pamela Mahoney Tsigdinos

Hello everyone! Welcome back to Childless not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.  Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we could not, did not, have the children we so wanted.

Welcome to episode 105!

•Patreon Contributors: (Patreon contributors are those who have taken an interest in my platform whether they fit the childless not by choice demographic or not. They have decided to contribute a certain dollar amount on a regular basis to help fund my dream of creating awareness and conversation for the childless not by choice community globally. Click the Patreon link for details and to become a Patron!)

https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice


Jordan Morgan

Ivy Calhoun

Questions or comments? Contact me at:

Email: Info@civillamorgan.com

                                              Or

Visit the website at https://www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.

Bio/Intro:

Pamela Mahoney Tsigdinos (Sig- DIN – us) is an author, blogger and women’s health advocate. She emerged as a reluctant spokeswoman in 2008 after a health reporter from The New York Times asked if she’d be willing to openly discuss her infertility experience. Pamela discussed the stubborn persistence of the infertility condition and the lack of a cultural framework to process the losses associated with being childless not by choice. The New York Times feature story that resulted produced astonishment and relief that someone candidly addressed the trauma of failed IVF and legacy of infertility.

Soon thereafter she wrote what became an award-winning book called Silent Sorority. It became the first memoir on infertility not authored by a mother, Pamela’s writing explores the complicated, disenfranchised grief and identity issues that accompany involuntary childlessness. Now more than a decade outside of the grief she once felt so viscerally, she educates and writes about the false promises and limitations of reproductive medicine and the personal and social impacts that accompany failed IVF.

She is the co-founder of the grassroots initiative ReproTechTruths.org.  When she’s not researching and writing she enjoys discussing history, Indie films, documentaries, politics, current events and literature with extended family and friends.

Questions:

  1. In one of your articles, I read that childless not by choice women quote ‘have more time to confront our feelings than the mother who is busy raising or trying to have kids.’ That statement made me a little nervous as I’ve always believed that when we have too much time to think we can go to some dark or negative places, and sometimes that is good, as going to those places can help a healthier mind process and bring thoughts back to a good place resulting hopefully in a positive outcome of our processing. But what do you say to the woman who is still grieving and maybe not quite dealing with negative thoughts properly?      

2)  ‘It is quite striking to see that women who do have children but still wish for more children report poorer mental health than those who have no children but have come to accept it.’  This is a quote from your blog ‘Fess Up. What Are Your Blind Spots?’

In that article you made two great points: 1) if you or probably most childless not by choice women had had the child, they, we, wouldn’t grumble about the fact that these women should be happy they got the one. And 2) human nature tends to maintain a level of loss if we don’t get everything we wanted, i.e. the number of children we really wanted. I will be honest, one of my biggest pet peeves is to hear a woman murmur about not being able to have more children. I always want to say ‘are you kidding me right now?’   


3) The rest of us — we didn’t even make the cut as outliers — no graphics on the number of women who came away empty-handed after extensive (and expensive) fertility treatments and no graphics on the number of failed adoptions. That would be a great project for those of us running childless not by choice platforms, groups, etc, to gather that information from our readers, listeners, and followers?  

4) There is no ‘welcome to the club kit’ for childless not by choice women. We see the rites of passage, but we don’t get to partake.  What should we do instead? What is our rite of passage, and passage to where?

5) As I read the article your blog ‘Prince Harry and I Agree: Bury Grief at Your Peril’, your new neighbor upon hearing that you and your husband were never able to have children and she says ‘you can have one of mine’, I found myself thinking how far we have come as a society to be able to talk about childlessness, but how far we still have to go when people are still using that old, tired line. How far along are we, do you think? Do you think we’ve only just scratched the surface in 2019?  

6) In regards to Erik Erickson’s ‘Generativity versus stagnation’ stage–stage seven of his eight stages of the theory of psychosocial development’, (This stage takes place during middle adulthood (ages 40 to 65 yrs).  What can we do as we become older, to help alleviate that helpless feeling that we will leave the planet leaving nothing of consequence behind? Asking for a friend.

 

 Books, Articles, Blogs, by Pamela Tsigdinos:

https://blog.silentsorority.com/pope-prejudice-reinforce-negative-views/

https://blog.silentsorority.com/placing-motherhood-on-pedastel/

https://blog.silentsorority.com/grief/

 

https://blog.silentsorority.com/how-about-a-time-cover-story-on-women-who-arent-moms-or-childfree/

 

https://blog.silentsorority.com/blindspots/

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B003PJ7D3U/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1

Silent Sorority is an award-winning book. It reveals with candor, humor, and poignancy the intense and at times absurd experience of adjusting to a life as a “non-mom” when nature and science don’t cooperate in the family building department. Outside of the physical reckoning there lies the challenge of moving forward in a society that doesn’t know how to handle the awkwardness of infertility. With no Emily Post-like guidelines for supporting couples who can’t conceive, most well-intentioned “fertile” people miss the mark.

https://www.seleni.org/advice-support/2018/3/6/accepting-childlessness-after-infertility

https://www.coming2terms.com/2007/02/03/just-the-beginning/

https://www.coming2terms.com/2009/11/01/the-ultimate-test/

https://www.simplypsychology.org/Erik-Erikson.html

Generativity versus stagnation is the seventh of eight stages of Erik Erikson’s theory of psychosocial development. This stage takes place during middle adulthood (ages 40 to 65 yrs).
Generativity refers to “making your mark” on the world through creating or nurturing things that will outlast an individual.

People experience a need to create or nurture things that will outlast them, often having mentees or creating positive changes that will benefit other people.

We give back to society through raising our children, being productive at work, and becoming involved in community activities and organizations. Through generativity, we develop a sense of being a part of the bigger picture.

Success leads to feelings of usefulness and accomplishment, while failure results in shallow involvement in the world.

By failing to find a way to contribute, we become stagnant and feel unproductive. These individuals may feel disconnected or uninvolved with their community and with society as a whole. Success in this stage will lead to the virtue of care.

 

Pamela’s Contact information:

Pamela Mahoney Tsigdinos
Award-Winning Author & Top Health Blogger
Connect: ptsigdinos@yahoo.com
@PamelaJeanne

Check out ReproTechTruths and the #UnmaskingIVF campaign

My contact information:

Website: https://www.childlessnotbychoice.net and http://www.civillamorgan.com
Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan
Twitter: @civilla1
Instagram: @joyandrelevance
Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM
LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM

Thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice. I appreciate it!

Until next time! Bye!

‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’

 

‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.

Episode 99–Childless not by Choice woman gets raw and real

Hello everyone! Welcome back to Childless not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world. Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we did not have the children we so wanted. I am also reaching out to everyone who recognizes that we are not all living the same type of life.

Welcome to episode 99!

I would like to thank my sponsor Morgan Air Conditioning. Morgan Air can be reached by calling 813 500 7765.  Their email address is

www. Morganair.net

Along with a stellar business reputation in the Tampa, FL area, Morgan Air is also known and well received for giving back to the Tampa, FL community whether it is back to school drives or donating services to the less fortunate.

Thank you Morgan Air for recognizing the vision of Childless not by Choice, and being a part of it.

I have some VIP’s I need to give a shout out to!

  • Patreon Contributors: (Patreon contributors are those who have taken an interest in my platform whether they fit the childless not by choice demographic or not. They have decided to contribute a certain dollar amount on a monthly basis to help maintain our platform and podcast. Click the Patreon link for details and to become a Patron!)

    https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice

  • Jordan Morgan
  • Ivy Calhoun
  • Your Name Here


Episodes mentioned:

https://childlessnotbychoice.net/childless-not-by-choice-shame/

https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-88-finding-hope-today-my-interview-with-licensed-therapist-christy-jordan/

Special thank you to:

Devoted, the musical duo who created my theme music. Thank you Devoted, for the beautiful theme music we use here at Childless not by Choice. Devoted has had the opportunity to sing and play in many countries. To learn more about Devoted, visit their website at http://www.devotedministry.org.

My contact information:

Website: https://www.childlessnotbychoice.net and http://www.civillamorgan.com
Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan
Twitter: @civilla1
Instagram: @joyandrelevance
Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM
LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM


If you would like to become a one time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at info@civillamorgan.com
for details.

Remember, subscription to the podcast is free. Simply go to Apple Podcast, or any of the following apps: Stitcher, Spotify, Overcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Search for Childless not by Choice, and hit the subscribe button. It’s that easy!


Well, thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice! Until next time! Bye!

‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’

 ‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.

Episode 98–Pet Therapy for the Childless not by Choice Demographic

Hello everyone! Welcome back to Childless not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world. Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we did not have the children we so wanted. I am also reaching out to everyone who recognizes that we are not all living the same type of life.

Welcome to episode 98!

I would like to thank my sponsor Morgan Air Conditioning. Morgan Air can be reached by calling 813 500 7765. Their email address is

http://www.Morganair.net

Along with a stellar business reputation in the Tampa, FL area, Morgan Air is also known and well received for giving back to the Tampa, FL community whether it is back to school drives or donating services to the less fortunate.

Thank you Morgan Air for recognizing the vision of Childless not by Choice, and being a part of it.

I would also like to thank Devoted, the musical duo who created my theme music. Thank you Devoted, for the beautiful theme music we use here at Childless not by Choice. Devoted has had the opportunity to sing and play in many countries. To learn more about Devoted, visit their website at http://www.devotedministry.org.

Well, I have some VIP’s I need to give a shout out to!

  • Patreon Contributors: (Patreon contributors are those who have taken an interest in my platform whether they fit the childless not by choice demographic or not. They have decided to contribute a certain dollar amount on a monthly basis to help maintain our platform and podcast. Click the Patreon link for details and to become a Patron!)

    https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice
  • Jordan Morgan
  • Ivy Calhoun
  • Your Name Here

Michelle Link

As the last of their six children are now grown, Michelle Link and her husband of 29 years have opted to continue the energy and chaos of family in their home, by adopting dogs.

Training their three Goldendoodles has become Michelle’s passion, which ultimately culminated in the therapy dog certification of their girl, Murphy.

Michelle volunteers with Murphy in several capacities as a therapy dog team, but she is also inspired to educate and encourage others, sharing the life-changing benefits she’s discovered in her personal relationship with Murphy.

Questions:

1)Murphy is a Goldendoodle–Therapy and emotional support dog,

         does the type of dog matter for training and certification?

2) One of the things I learned from you in our pre-interview conversation was that there is a difference between a ‘Prescribed emotional support dog’, and a ‘certified’ dog; What’s the difference?

And then what is the difference between a companion pet,  an Emotional Support Animal, and a Service Dog?

 

3) Other than your own experiences with pets, are you aware of any studies that support the benefits of a relationship with a pet?

‘American Journal of Critical Care Study’

‘Mass General Study, women who had at least one child and a pet…’

FMRI Study…levels of oxytocin’.

 

4) When did you personally realize the healing value of a relationship with dogs?

5) Speak to us about the fact that there is value in having fur babies, and that doing so does not diminish or minimize those with pets who happen not to have children?

 Michelle’s contact info:

TherapyTeamMurphy@mail.com

Instagram: @therapyteammurphy

 

Articles and links just for you:

https://positivelywoof.com/pet-calendar-year-at-a-glance/

The following link is for your enjoyment:

https://www.yahoo.com/gma/woman-removed-plane-boarding-emotional-support-squirrel-105012179–abc-news-topstories.html?.tsrc=fauxdal&guccounter=2

My contact information:

Website: https://www.childlessnotbychoice.net and http://www.civillamorgan.com
Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan
Twitter: @civilla1
Instagram: @joyandrelevance
Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM
LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM

 

‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless, not by choice women, and men, around the world.’

 

‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.

 

Thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice.

Until next time! Bye!

Episode 97–Can Childless Women Bond?

Hello everyone! Welcome back to Childless not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world. Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we did not have the children we so wanted. I am also reaching out to everyone who recognizes that we are not all living the same type of life.

Welcome to episode 97!

I would like to thank my sponsor Morgan Air Conditioning. Morgan Air can be reached by calling 813 500 7765.  Their email address is www.Morganair.net.

Along with a stellar business reputation in the Tampa, FL area, Morgan Air is also known and well received for giving back to the Tampa, FL community whether it is back to school drives or donating services to the less fortunate.

Thank you Morgan Air for recognizing the vision of Childless not by Choice, and being a part of it.

I would also like to thank Devoted, the musical duo who created my theme music. Thank you Devoted, for the beautiful theme music we use here at Childless not by Choice. Devoted has had the opportunity to sing and play in many countries. To learn more about Devoted, visit their website at http://www.devotedministry.org.

Well, I have some VIP’s I need to give a shout out to!

  • Patreon Contributors: (Patreon contributors are those who have taken an interest in my platform whether they fit the childless not by choice demographic or not. They have decided to contribute a certain dollar amount on a monthly basis to help maintain our platform and podcast. Click the Patreon link for details and to become a Patron!)

https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice

  • Jordan Morgan
  • Ivy Calhoun
  • Your Name Here

Content:

In the month of October, I am highlighting the importance of maintaining mental health in the childless not by choice community through therapy dogs, and through pets in general.

Those of us who are childless not by choice and have or had pets are often chided for having pets instead of having children. Many times those who do not know our story or understand our journey find it easier to make fun of childless women with pets, reminding us that a pet is not the same as a child.

I believe that as childless not by choice women we are well aware of the difference between a human and an animal, but it is difficult for most people to understand that everyone has a story, and that everyone’s story is different. Unbelievably, some people still believe that a childless woman or couple just did not want children. It is still difficult for many to understand that life just dealt some us a different set of cards.

What we, whether childless not by choice or not, do with the cards we have been dealt proves to ourselves and to the world, that we are strong, or on our way to gaining strength through and for our journey.

Deciding to have a pet and to spoil that pet is just one way we as childless not by choice women decide to manage the life we have been given. Notice, I did not say handle or cope with, I said manage. Because we must manage our lives no matter how that life turned out, and not allow life to manage us.

So this month, I am posting a guest blog written by one of our childless not by choice members. It will post on the 15th. Our guest blogger will take us on a journey, showing us how having pets helped her come to terms with childlessness.

And on the 22nd, you will get to hear episode 98, where I interview Michelle Link and her beautiful therapy dog Murphy. That was such a wonderful interview! I learned quite a bit as we discussed the differences between therapy dogs and emotional support dogs; and how important they both are to mental health.

The bottom line is this, whether you are childless not by choice or not, the need and the ability to care for another being helps heal the soul.  And when caring for this being as a childless not by choice woman or man, the healing process can help fill your mind with love instead of dwelling on a  life that did not happen as expected.

We can choose to dwell on what did not happen for us, or we can reach out and help others. We can reach out and adopt a dog or cat from a shelter, or buy a fish tank and fill it with our version of beauty. We can reach out to the beauty the world has to offer, or we can go within and live with the hurt of what could have been. What is not, and in many cases will not be.

We have choices even when we did not get to choose whether or not we would have children. That is not the only choice we get in life.

And life is short. Choose and then live that choice out loud.

When you do that, if you are chided for being a pet mom, you will not even hear the commentary because  chances are you already made the decision to live the life you have been given. How strong are you!?

so come with us on our journey through the month of October. It’s going to be beautiful!  

https://positivelywoof.com/pet-calendar-year-at-a-glance/

Also highlighted in October is Miscarriage Awareness. If your journey includes miscarriage, please accept my deepest condolences. Be sure to visit the Resource tab on the website for an article I wrote on dealing with the grief of miscarriage. To be transparent, miscarriage is not a part of my journey. But I wrote the article to encourage you with hope for your journey even through your loss. I hope you will take a moment to read the article.      

Articles of note and interest:

https://positivelywoof.com/pet-calendar-year-at-a-glance/

https://resolve.org/what-are-my-options/living-childfree/navigating-living-your-life-childlessness-and-child-free-after-infertility/

https://www.nytimes.com/2018/10/06/world/asia/afghanistan-rasool-landay-childless-women-scam.html

https://thegrio.com/2018/10/06/tracee-ellis-ross-says-shes-good-with-being-45-single-and-childless/

PLEASE NOTE: in the previous episode I mentioned that my old title was showing up on the Podcast section of iHeart Radio. That has been corrected. You will now find the title Childless not by Choice on iHeart Radio’s Podcast section.

My contact information:

Website: https://www.childlessnotbychoice.net and http://www.civillamorgan.com
Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan
Twitter: @civilla1
Instagram: @joyandrelevance
Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM
LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM


If you would like to become a one time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at info@civillamorgan.com
for details.

Remember, subscription to the podcast is free. Simply go to Apple Podcast, or anyone of following apps in your app store: Stitcher Radio, Overcast, Castro, Podbean, etc; or the radio apps such as Spotify, iHeart Radio, and Google Play Radio. Search for Childless not by Choice, and hit the subscribe button. It’s that easy!


Well, thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice! Until next time! Bye!

‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’

 

‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.

Episode 96–Childless not by Choice Woman Plants 8000 Trees! The story of Saalumarada Thimmakka

Hello everyone! Welcome back to Childless not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.  Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we could not, did not, have the children we so wanted.

Welcome to episode 96!

 

This podcast was created for and about the childless not by choice community on a global level, as well as for everyone who recognizes that not everyone is living the same type of life. Thank you for tuning in!

 

Sponsors:

I would like to thank my sponsor Morgan Air Conditioning. Along with a stellar business reputation in the Tampa, FL area, Morgan Air is also known and well received for giving back to the Tampa, FL community whether it is back to school drives or donating services to the less fortunate. Morgan Air can be reached by calling 813 500 7765, (repeat), or via email at www. Morganair.net, that’s http://www.morganair.net.

Thank you Morgan Air for recognizing the vision of Childless not by Choice, and being a part of it.

I would also like to thank Devoted, the musical duo who created my theme music. Thank you Devoted, for the beautiful theme music we use here at Childless not by Choice. Devoted has had the opportunity to sing and play in many countries. To learn more about Devoted, visit their website at http://www.devotedministry.org.


Patreon Contributors: (Patreon contributors are those who have taken an interest in my platform whether they fit the childless not by choice demographic or not. They have decided to contribute a certain dollar amount on a regular basis to help fund my dream of creating awareness and conversation for the childless not by choice community globally. Click the Patreon link for details and to become a Patron!)

https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice

  • Jordan Morgan
  • Ivy Calhoun
  • Your Name Here 

Childless Mother of Trees–Saalumarada Thimmakka

According to Wikipedia, Saalumarada Thimmakka was born in Hulikal, India. She is purported to have been born in 1908, making her more than 100 years old! With no formal education, she became a self-taught environmentalist. She and her late husband started planting Banyan trees along a stretch of highway from her town to the next.

It is said they started planting trees when they realized they were not going to be able to have children. I searched but did not find any information on her husband attempting to put her aside or divorce her which tends to happen in many societies where children are expected and if they are not produced, shame on the woman.

But I found no such information. In my research, I did find out that his family gave her a very hard time, but he appears to have stuck with and even helped her plant trees until he passed on. Kudos to him!

As I researched and read articles about this self-taught environmentalist,

I counted 15 awards!

The author of the article on the Karnataka website ended the article by saying:

‘Saalumarada Thimmakka at the age of 105 lives with her foster son Umesh. She is an inspiration to every woman the society labeled as barren.  The green crusader bestowed the society and mankind with hard work, patience, and undying love for the environment.’

 

Imagine what you can do when you turn your pain into purpose!

Early in the creation of this platform, a wonderful gentleman reminded me that people like to quote the Bible where God told Adam and Eve to go forth and multiply.  He mentioned that multiply does not mean just having children. There are many ways for humankind to multiply.

You see, as childless not by choice women and men,  we have journeyed through the trauma of not being able to have children, no matter the path that got us to the point of childlessness. As we make our way on this journey, we will run into people who misunderstand and or misinterpret the Bible in an attempt to have an answer for every negative in life.

We humans tend to want to have an answer to everything. We want to be able to plug every issue into a box, and we want to advise people on why something did or did not happen to or for us.

So we say things like childlessness means we did not multiply. Hmmm, we must have done something to make God angry.

Childlessness means our quiver of arrows is empty, and we will have no one to care for us when we become old.  For those of you who are Christians, who have a true grasp on the Words in the Bible, we know better than to limit God’s words to such simplicity.

If you are childless not by choice, your life is not over. You can replenish the earth in many other ways. You can pour into the life of a child that does not belong to you, however that happens: through being a teacher, through being a mentor, through being an encourager to a struggling mother.

You can contribute to back to school backpack drives through work, church, or a local organization. You can plant trees like Saalumarada Thimmakka did. You can sponsor a child in a far away land.

Don’t listen to those who tell you your quiver has no arrows, or that you are fruitless because you are childless. Lift your chin from shame, and ignore the narrow minded understanding from such words. Trust your journey. Walk your journey. Do the absolute best you can on your journey. That is your job. Your journey, your job.

Well, thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice. Remember, subscription to the podcast is free. Simply go to Apple Podcast, Stitcher Radio, Spotify, iHeart Radio, Overcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Search for Childless not by Choice, and hit the subscribe button. It’s that easy!

If you would like to become a one time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at info@civillamorgan.com for details.

Information on India:

‘United States is about 3 times bigger than India. India is approximately 3,287,263 sq km, while the United States is approximately 9,833,517 sq km. Meanwhile, the population of India is ~1 billion people (943 million fewer people live in the United States).’–Google Search

Childlessness in India:

 https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/life-style/relationships/soul-curry/being-childless-by-choice-in-the-indian-society/articleshow/58695326.cms

https://www.scoopwhoop.com/Heres-Why-More-And-More-Married-Indian-Women-Are-Choosing-To-Remain-ChildFree/#.thc55rxjr

Articles used for research in this episode:

http://kalamfanclub.com/saalumarada-thimmakka-the-106-year-old-woman-who-planted-over-8000-trees-in-65-years/

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saalumarada_Thimmakka

https://www.karnataka.com/personalities/saalumarada-thimmakka/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DY4yzEZ9uc8&vl=en

 

My contact information:

info@civillamorgan.com
Website: https://www.childlessnotbychoice.net and http://www.civillamorgan.com

Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan
Twitter: @civilla1
Instagram: @joyandrelevance
Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM
LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM

Until next time! Bye!

‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’

 

‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.

my interview on the That Anita Live Show

My interview with That Anita Live was done in 2017, so a couple of changes since then: The name of my Podcast is Childless not by Choice, and I do blog about childlessness. I really enjoyed this interview, and I hope you will too!

Episode 90–My interview with Jody Day, founder of Gateway Women

Hello everyone! Welcome back to Childless not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.  Civilla Morgan here! I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we could not, did not, have the children we so wanted.

 

  • Patreon Contributors: (Patreon contributors are those who have taken an interest in my platform whether they fit the childless not by choice demographic or not. They have decided to contribute a certain dollar amount on a regular basis to help fund my dream of creating awareness and conversation for the childless not by choice community globally. Click the Patreon link for details and to become a Patron!)

 

https://www.patreon.com/21stcenturyhannah

 

  • Jordan Morgan

Just a reminder, visit the website where you can join the community group, check out all podcast episodes, blogs, and resources  https://childlessnotbychoice.net, the website is where the conversation is happening.

Well, we have a special guest today!

Intro Jody:

Jody Day, founder of Gateway Women, is author of the best-selling book ‘Living the Life Unexpected: 12 Weeks to Your Plan B for a Meaningful and Fulfilling Future Without Children’, and the best selling book ‘Rocking The Life Unexpected–.  She is a founding member and former board member at http://www.awoc.org (Ageing Without Children).

Her TEDx talk, ‘The Lost Tribe of Childless Women’ was given at TEDxHull in March 2017 and has had more than 27K views.

Jody was honoured in BBC’S 100 Women in 2013. And she is a trainee psychotherapist, and a former fellow in Social Innovation at Cambridge Judge Business School, Cambridge University.

She runs workshops, online courses, a global online community and global social events for women coming to terms with a life that doesn’t include motherhood, and is currently training other women to lead her workshops in the UK, Ireland, Europe, The USA & Canada. She plans to train more in Australia and New Zealand in the near future.

Gateway Women has an aggregated social reach of over 2-million, between the website, various social media platforms, and its global public and private communities.

Jody was partnered/married for 16 years in her 20s and 30s, during which she experienced unexplained infertility after an abortion in her very early 20s. She was single for many years before meeting her current partner. They divide their time between Ireland and Ibiza.

Welcome, Jody:

I’m going to start out by going way back in time:

Your article ‘I may not be a mother – but I’m still a person’–written in The Guardian Newspaper, –Friday, February 24, 2012…

  1. As I read the article, I could feel my heart breaking for the way you were treated at the party. I know the article was written so long ago, and it is not healthy to dwell on things, but what comes to mind when or if you think back to those times and events?  

 

2) Why did you name your platform Gateway Women?

3) I read a quote recently: ‘When our broken dreams have cost us so dear, dreaming a new dream takes great courage’.–It was attributed to Gateway Women. Was that your quote? Either way, how do you grasp the courage to dream a new dream?

4) As I read through your intro in ‘Living the Life Unexpected: 12 Weeks to your Plan B for a Meaningful and Fulfilling Future Without Children’, I stopped short at the section where you considered doing volunteer work in Kabul, but reconsidered because you did not think you could deal with the Kabul winter. You weren’t even considering the fact that Kabul was in the middle of a war and that you could become a casualty. I definitely understand the level of grief where we do not even consider our safety. How do you get people outside of the childless not by choice demographic to understand that level of grief. Do you even bother?     

5) In chapter one, you talk about the ‘universe of pain, heartbreak, surprise, dashed hopes, shock and grief…’ and the word shock jumped out at me. Shock for me was delayed…and then it came and went in waves. Which one of those nouns jumps out at you, if any? How did you overcome?

6) I’ve been questioned about how I am childless not by choice because I did not meet Mr. Right. It wasn’t an infertility issue, it was a social issue (no Mr. Right) plus biology (fibroids) equals no children. I read your list of 50 ways to be childless not by choice. My reason was number one! I got a little chuckle as it always amazes me how people can see you but not see you.  Do you ever get tired of telling your story, explaining your childless? Or does it make a difference who the audience is?

7) (Ch. 3) Life can be tough. Motherhood can be tough. Childlessness can be tough. Well, we all know life can be tough. How do we get the motherhood camp and the childless camp that life is indeed tough no matter which camp we belong to, that being childless is not a free ride?       

8) In chapter 3 I believe, you say:

‘Ideology is that which everyone believes to be ‘true’, but it’s actually a mixture of accepted prevalent beliefs that serve to support the dominant power group. Up until 500 years ago everyone thought the world was flat. That was an idea, not a truth, and around it was created a powerful ideology of Western Europe being at the centre of the world. So perhaps the ‘belief’ that a woman can only have a meaningful life if she is a mother may prove to be an ideological one and not the purely biological one that many of us have come to believe.’  Do you think society can really get past this ‘biological’ process we have utilized since the dawn of time?

Is it just a matter of society learning to embrace empathy?

9) Chapter 4, ‘Grief is a dialogue not a monologue’ —

‘Just as one of the most painful romantic experiences is ‘unrequited love’, I think that disenfranchised grief is a form of ‘unrequited grief’–a grief that is not allowed to be expressed, not allowed to be in a relationship.  But grief cannot move into its active state, ‘grieving’, without a relationship because grief is a dialogue not a monologue. And until we find a place to have that dialogue, either face to face, online, or with a skilled therapist, it stays wedged in our hearts like a splinter.  And it festers as it waits, infecting our life and our soul with sadness.’ (Location 1215 in Kindle).

Not only do we need to dialogue, but it is important to dialogue with someone who understands our pain. This is why community is so important isn’t it?

10) I never thought of the term ‘double whammy’ as possibly patriarchal until I read your book. It made me take a look at the way I use the term to describe what has happened in my life–no husband, no children. The last thing I want is to be pitied.  What an eye opener!

 

I had so many more questions, but I had to cut it off somewhere. I do need to mention that as I read about how families treat the childless not by choice family members among them. I have experienced this to some level, as I am sure almost all childless not by choice women have.

11) I read about the one woman who was forced out of her own bedroom to sleep in a tent in the garden to make room for her young niece! I was like, ‘are you kidding me???’  

I love your suggestion that the time to negotiate proper treatment during family get togethers is not right before the get together.

I talk about kind but firm boundaries quite a bit on my platform. The bottom line is, we need to as childless not by choice women, condition or train the people around us, as to how we expect to be treated. But at the same time, we have to believe we deserve respect, and it can be hard depending on where we are in our journey. If we are feeling shame and then our family and friends shame us, we will probably just allow the shame to continue at least for a time.  

Oh my goodness, there is so much more: The Spinster stereotype, the doting aunt stereotype, the older childless woman being a witch or the mean Cruella de Ville…my mom got married at age 28, and on her marriage certificate it says her previous status was Spinster. She was 28!

I have always been offended with that language. But my mom always said those were the days. It doesn’t seem like much has changed.

 

Is there anything you would like to add, anything you would like to say before we close out?

NOTE: Read more about the fetishism of motherhood in chapter 3. It is deep! Chapters 8-10 pressed all types of buttons for me. Please do take the opportunity to read this book. I think you will thoroughly enjoy it!

Books by Jody Day:

‘Living the Life Unexpected, 12 Weeks to Your Plan B for a Meaningful and Fulfilling Future Without Children’

Articles/Blogs written by Jody Day:

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2012/feb/25/child-free-women-jody-day

Jody’s contact information:

https://gateway-women.com/

Twitter: @GatewayWomen

Instagram: @GatewayWomen

Facebook: @GatewayWomenUK

Email: Jody@gateway-women.com

http://www.awoc.org

‘It’s not a when, it’s an if.’–Jody Day.

Articles of note/episodes mentioned in this episode:

https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-72-male-and-childless-not-by-choice-my-interview-with-dr-robin-hadley/

http://allafrica.com/stories/201806050128.html

My contact information:

Website: https://childlessnotbychoice.net and http://www.civillamorgan.com
Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan
Twitter: @civilla1
Instagram: @joyandrelevance
Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM
LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM


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Thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice. I appreciate it!

Until next time! Bye!

‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless, not by choice women, and men, around the world.’

‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.

 

A Brave New Ending

Our long and bumpy road of infertility began 9 years ago. After numerous tests and failed treatments, IVF was our only hope of conceiving. In 2015, the procedure was successful. Early in the twin pregnancy, one of our embryos stopped developing, however, subsequent ultrasounds revealed a strong heartbeat with the second.  Our prayers had finally been answered and our dream of having a child was becoming a reality. At nearly 10 weeks, the doctor uttered the words no one ever wants to hear, “I’m sorry, there’s no heartbeat.”

 

Overwhelmed with grief, and so many other unnamed emotions, the months and years that have followed haven’t been easy. No one is ever really prepared for how to cope with loss. It’s not something that is taught in school and in most families, not discussed openly. Men and women grieve differently and we would soon learn, these strong emotions began to manifest in different ways.  

In the months prior to IVF, I made it my mission to prepare my body for pregnancy the best I could. It was almost like training for a marathon. My regimen included an anti-inflammatory diet and numerous vitamins and supplements. I felt strong and hopeful and started a blog to share my journey and encourage others struggling to conceive. 

Soon after the loss, that feeling of hope began to fade. Between the IVF medications and miscarriage, the hormonal roller coaster was unrelenting. I no longer felt I had a reason to focus on my health. There was nothing to look forward to and feelings of apathy set in. Not sure how to help me through this emotional struggle, my husband did the best he could to be supportive and loving, while dealing with his own feelings of grief. He often found solace in lone fishing trips and spending time with nature.

Three years later, drawing strength from our faith in God and each other, the healing process continues to be a work in progress. Anyone who has experienced loss will tell you it changes you. We soon realized this life-changing event was stressful on our marriage. Communication has been key and we are both learning how to lean into the pain and allow ourselves to be vulnerable and honest about our emotions with one another.

By reading and studying emotional resilience, grief, and loss, we have started on a new path of healing by embracing and reckoning with the painful scars that infertility has left behind. Facing a lifetime of childlessness, we are rumbling through the middle of the messy emotions. Grief has no timeline and no one really knows how long the rumble will last.

While life hasn’t turn out the way we had planned, our story isn’t over and we are hopeful for the future. We are learning to flip the script and write a brave new ending. One where it’s okay to be sad and joyful, to grieve a painful loss and embrace the wonders of life with gratitude and most importantly, together.