Hello everyone! Welcome back to Childless, not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world. Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we did not have the children we so wanted.
Welcome to episode 102! Our Christmas 2018 episode!
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- Jordan Morgan
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Here it is! The link to your blueprint for the new year…instead of making a basic list of new year’s resolutions:
Well, here we are, Christmas 2018. Merry Christmas! Happy Holidays, and wishing you all the best in 2019! Our next episode will be on January 14th!
But let’s not get ahead of ourselves, it’s still 2018 after all. How was your year? What accomplishments, milestones, or feats did you meet or overcome? What plans do you have for the new year?
I create goals and vision board list, using an outline I have tweaked throughout the years. Writing a list of goals on a yellow lined piece of paper just wasn’t working out for me. I would forget about the paper until about halfway through the year when I would see it sticking out of the daytimer, and then I would try to play catch up. It wasn’t efficient and my dreams and visions were not coming to fruition. I was just ambling through one year after another.
But the last three years have been different. Right around 2014 or so I started researching how successful people created their goals list. One of the things I noticed was that successful people did not have new years resolutions. They had goals. And many of them also attended and created vision board parties. I became curious and decided to create my own goals list. In fact, it’s turned out to be much more than a goals list.
Some may even say I went a little overboard. Based on my research,
I created a personalized goals/vision board/reading list. I then broke down my goals into monthly and quarterly expectations. I created a section for my reading list, and a list of pictures I would like to cut out for my vision board.
Yes, I got really detailed. But can I tell you that each year that I took the time to create this goals and vision board outline, so many things that were on the list happened?! I was no longer hopeful while directionless, which is what happens when you write a list of dreams and wishes down on a piece of yellow lined paper and then forget about them. You mean well, but you don’t do much because you don’t have the goals and visions in front of you literally guiding you!
Let me give you an example: I had set a number of downloads for this podcast, that I wanted to see by the end of the year. I literally said I would like to see this number of downloads and listens by December 31st. I didn’t just sit back and wish for it to happen, I set about promoting the podcast all over social media, handing out business cards at events, doing everything I had always done to create awareness about the platform. But the crazy thing was that my goal number was set in October! I couldn’t believe it! And the number of downloads have continued to increase. Somebody is going through and listening to all of the episodes. Thank you!
The outline for this goals and visions list is so interactive you can tweak it throughout the year. You don’t just write something down and then forget it. It does not allow you to because you are looking at it, tweaking, and updating with met goals on a regular basis. I really believe you will like being in charge of your goals, dreams, visions, and possibilities!
Sound interesting? If you would like a copy of the outline I personally use for my goals and visions, simply email me at firstname.lastname@example.org for instructions on how to obtain your copy. There is a fee of just $10.00 for this copyrighted outline that will change the way you get ready for all of your future new years.
So earlier I asked how your 2018 was. Have you had a chance to look back on 2018 yet? I start my look back, and my look forward right around September. I’m a daytimer type of person as I mentioned earlier, so I buy a fresh new daytimer in September and start updating it with birthdays and events for the new year.
Look, some of us are going to limp out of 2018, it’s been such a tough year. But I encourage you to still expect a great 2019. Positive expectation is half the battle. It takes you halfway toward having a better year no matter how things look right now.
At the time of this recording, we’re halfway into the final month of the year, and I’ve received some insight from an unlikely event. Life does not stop because it’s the Holidays.
What’s my fresh insight? That not everyone is going to be comfortable with this platform or our childlessness. Still. And I realize that, but when something happens to remind me of that fact, it’s like a fresh new revelation for me. I had two interactions in one day. One mom, I spoke to and congratulated on her beautiful children, she was gracious and thankful. Another mom I tried to say hello to tried to avoid eye contact!
It was literally a night and day experience.
It reminded me that there are still some who see what I am doing as a means of discomfort. I suppose it goes with the awareness creating that this platform does.
But I still believe that as we are all human beings no matter where in the world we live, and no matter our circumstances, we can find common ground. And that’s when it hit me. There are two things everyone can do this holiday season, and all through the year:
- Find common ground.
- Be kind.
You see, as human beings, we like to put each other in boxes. And we love totem poles. If someone does not fit in a certain box, we call them an anomaly. So here in America, certain people are supposed to like certain foods, another group may like to drive a certain type of vehicle, etc. But if you see someone driving something their people group does not typically drive, they are an anomaly. This is the very reason I do not like to generalize about people groups. No people group is a collective. Just as no demographic is a collective.
You may be listening to this podcast, and you may be childless not by choice, but I can guarantee you we both had and are having different experiences even in our childless not by choice issues. It is dangerous to act and react, to treat all people of a certain demographic in the same way.
And the totem poles, I didn’t forget about those. Yes, we like totem poles. And I am not talking about the totem poles that certain people groups engender in their ethnic backgrounds. I am referring to the fact that human beings like to know they are above another human being on the totem pole of life. We are always attempting to one-up each other. We want to know that we are doing better than the next person. Indeed, if we see someone we perceive is doing better than we are, envy and jealousy can set in.
But why not just be happy for that person as we continue on our own journey? My mom told us as children never to begrudge anyone because we did not know what they did or had to go through to obtain what they have. Try being happy for people even when they have exactly what you would die for. Be happy, wish them well, and continue on your journey.
That leads into my second point: be kind. There is a quote, and I used it for day nine of my December 31 Days of Empathy campaign. ‘Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.’–anonymous.
Unfortunately, no one escapes this earth without having been dealt some tough, heartbreaking events. And we don’t always get to know when someone is going through, because most humans share their grief only with those they trust. After all, many of us as childless not by choice people have been asked why don’t we just…’ just get over it, just adopt, just go play with the kids in the family, just. All of those justs are an utter lack of empathy. Maybe we can just be kind to each other.
This Holiday season, no matter what demographic you belong to, try to find common ground and be kind. No matter what, be kind. If it seems that those you are attempting to find common ground with are not interested, move on. And as childless not by choice people, be sure to go where you are valued because whether you had the child or not, you are a valued human being no matter what your society says. Remember, the woman or man who has children has problems too. They may not be the same problems we have, but we should never discount anyone’s problems.
One person may be worried about their child’s grades, what college they will get into, or even how they will pay for their child’s education. Another person may be worried about putting away enough money for long-term care because they will have no one to take care of them when they are old and become ill.
The common ground is that we all have worries.
So be kind to yourself and others. And find common ground. And enjoy your holiday season however it looks! Whether you have little or much, whether you celebrate with a huge family or it’s you and your fur baby. Enjoy your own company or the company of those around you. And no matter what, you will find something to be thankful for. I know you will.
Articles, episodes, and sites mentioned in this episode:
So I received a notification that there was a childless not by choice article available for me to read. I opened it, and the author basically blamed ones astrological sign and other card reading devices for people’s childlessness. Did you know that was a thing? It was news to me. No, not posting it here! There’s always some new and random way to try to poke the childless not by choice in the eye huh? Don’t you worry, with all of this awareness and conversation going on in and about our demographic, such foolishness will soon be a thing of the past.
Now check out this next article…
Once again, here is the link to your blueprint for a successful new year!
Well, remember to reach out if you would like the link to the Goals and Visions blueprint. I am excited to hear and see how it will change your life in 2019. And once again, Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and I will talk to you again on January 14th!
My contact information:
Website: https://www.childlessnotbychoice.net and http://www.civillamorgan.com
Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM
LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM
Thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice! Until next time! Bye!
‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’
‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.