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Is Childlessness a Crisis?

What does crisis mode mean to you? I believe it means something bad has happened or is about to happen to an individual or group of people.

I Googled the word Crisis, and this is what I found:

  • a time of intense difficulty, trouble, or danger.
  • “a crisis point of history”a time when a difficult or important decision must be made.
  • The turning point of a disease when an important change takes place, indicating either recovery or death.

That last point is intense.  ‘…indicating either recovery or death.’ Death is not always literal. Do you think a woman who finds out she will never have a child could go into crisis mode? Do you think she could die without dying, just checking out of the rest of her life?

I asked that question on Reddit, ‘could finding out you will not be able to have children send you into crisis mode?’ I got one response: ‘humbly, no.’

I respect that opinion. But I believe we are all guilty of the fact that we do not think deeply enough about most issues or most questions we are asked.  To be fair, I did not ask this on Reddit, but what if the woman’s marriage, livelihood, even her safety, depends on whether she had a child or not? Could it be a crisis then? 

Consider this: A landslide in a faraway land killing hundreds of people is sad. We feel bad for the survivors who lost loved ones and now must rebuild. But unless we were in the middle of that landslide, feeling bad about the situation is about all we can do. Jumping on a plane and going to help any way we could, might be a bit much and most likely unaffordable for most of us.  Besides, isn’t that what organizations like The Red Cross is for?

If we think about all the very sad and scary situations going on in the world right now, we could become overwhelmed, maybe even immobilized or depressed, right? Don’t we have enough to deal with in our own lives?

By now you are probably asking ‘what does she want me to do about any of the world’s situations, or about the woman who cannot have children? Good question, because really, what can you do. It is her problem. We can feel sorry for her, but that would be about all we could do. And besides, how is a woman in danger because she cannot have children, why would she be in danger just from being childless?

Most of us do not realize that in 2017, it could be dangerous for a woman to not be able to bear a child.  Living in the Western world, a childless woman can, for the most part, go through life unscathed by the shame, fear, and stigma of being childless.  She would most likely not be beaten by her husband, divorced, or shamed by her husband’s family.  

Sometimes we miss what is going on in the rest of the world because we are just too busy with our own lives. And to be fair, that is a worldwide phenomenon.  We think the rest of the world operates like our world, our country.  And honestly, most times we just cannot be concerned with an issue that does not resonate with us.  That may be viewed as selfish, but I do not think that is the case. Life is short, and we just cannot pick up the sword for every cause.

But may I suggest that though we cannot pay attention to every issue, every cause, that we can at least be aware. We can put ourselves in that person’s shoes even as we go about our day and about our lives.  We could at least empathize. I believe awareness and empathy make us more human.  And being more human makes us less mean, less hateful, and even less scornful.

Scorn. Not a word we hear very often. But it tends to happen when we look down on someone who does not could not have the thing or things we have, with contempt.  The thing about contempt is that life has a way of taking turns.  We could end up in the very situation for which we had contempt.

May I suggest that as we make our way through life, let us remember to be kind, empathetic, and aware.

Childless not by Choice? Fight The Urge!

It can sometimes be difficult to watch others so easily get what you have begged, prayed, even bargained with God for.  Negative thoughts and feelings can start to creep in, and start to overstay their welcome.  And before you know it, the wrong comment at the wrong time could create an unwanted firestorm!

Allowing negative thoughts and feelings such as jealousy, envy, bitterness, and even hate; can create an emptiness inside.  Life is too short to allow this negativity to live inside you.

 Good news! You have all the control within you to fight those thoughts and feelings. You must fight them! But please know it boils down to choice. To live your best, most relevant and joyful life, you have to choose to deal with and manage your emotions and feelings.

These feelings are real. Every emotion and feeling is real. There have been many moments in my life when I had to fight back the tears. But I did not get envious or jealous. I never wanted what the other person had, I just wanted what I thought I deserved.  What I did do was to question God a lot. ‘Why not me?’ ‘What did I do to deserve this childlessness?’ ‘What is so wrong with wanting a child?’ ‘Why was it so difficult for my prayers to be answered?’

I finally decided that entertaining negative emotions and feelings would not help in the long run. I realized that having children is something that is typically taken for granted. But I could not allow how easily children came to others, to affect my heart and my mind. I had to choose.   

Choose instead, to entertain good, positive, self-affirming thoughts instead of the negative ones.  Choose instead to manage your thoughts and feelings. Choose instead, to think about the good in your life although you did not get the children you wanted. Life did not work out the way you expected, but there is some amount of good happening for you. If there isn’t, create it! You have the power to do so!

Creating and living your best, most joyful life is your role. No one else can do that for you. Observing or envying the life of another woman is not healthy or good.  And you do not need to live a negative, subpar life. Fight the negativity. Choose life.

My interview with Global DriveRadio hosts Winfred Burns, II, Jasmine, and Rashaad

21st Century Hannah is a series of books that I have written and am writing. It is the basis of my podcast channel, it is my platform.  In 21st Century Hannah, I talk to women like myself, who wanted but could not have children.

I believe the topic of childless not by choice is a subject that is typically avoided in society, but I believe God has prompted me to start the conversation.

 

I have written a 31-day devotional, I am working on a 365-day devotional, and I am working on a novel about my journey through and in the world of childlessness. If you have a similar story, or you know someone who does, 21st Century Hannah is for you!

My Testimony, Childless not by Choice

21st Century Hannah is a radio show, a series of books, my platform.  In 21st Century Hannah, I talk to women like myself, who wanted but could not have children.  

I believe the topic of childlessness not by choice is a subject that is typically avoided in society. I believe God has prompted me to start the conversation. 

I have written a 31-day devotional, I am working on a 365-day devotional, and I am working on a novel about my journey through and in the world of childlessness. If you have a similar story, or you know someone who does, this show is for you! 

Childless not by Choice , Radio Station Second show

This is my second broadcast for my radio show 21st Century Hannah! 21st Century Hannah is a radio show, a series of books, my platform.  In 21st Century Hannah, I speak to and encourage women like myself, who wanted but could not have children. Yes, I did try adoption, no, it did not work out. I believe the subject of childlessness not by choice is typically misunderstood and avoided in society. I believe God has prompted me to start the conversation. 

 

I wrote a 31-day devotional geared toward the woman childless not by choice. And I am working on a 365-day devotional of similar subject-matter, but more interactive. I am also working on a novel about my journey through and in the world of childlessness. If you have a similar story, or you know someone who does, this show is for you! 

Contact information:

civilla@civillamorgan.com

http://www.childlessnotbychoice.net

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