Hello everyone! Welcome back to Childless, not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world. Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we could not, did not, have the children we so wanted.
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Well, by the time you hear this episode I will be back home from my first time attending a Podcast Movement Convention, a convention for podcasters and would be podcasters. Podcast Movement 2018 is being held in Philadelphia, PA, this year. Technically it’s my first visit, but my voice went to Podcast Movement 2017 which was held in Anaheim, as I was asked to do voice over at that event for the award ceremony segment.
Well, as I speak, it is the morning of day 2 of the convention. I had to grab coffee on the way to this recording to be sure I was coherent! I would like to thank the people at Talkshoe for affording me the opportunity to record live from Podcast Movement 2018! Thank you Talkshoe! And I would also like to thank Heil, the makers of microphones, headphones, and pertinent audio and sound gear. And of course Steve Stewart, Podcast Producer, Director of FinCon Podcast Network.
Well, if you’ve been listening to Childless not by Choice for any length of time, you know how much I love the medium of podcasting because it has allowed me to get the word out globally that we, the childless not by choice community, does exist, in plain sight!
I am blessed to be able to attend Podcast Movement 2018, as it adds another layer of learning and going to the next level in my commitment to you and to the craft that allows me to speak directly to you.
Well, as the month of July comes to a close, so does my month-long celebration of three years of podcasting. The celebration may be coming to an end, but the joy in my heart because I get to give a voice to us, and I get to encourage you, that will continue on. Thank you for celebrating with me this month!
In fact, the only thing cooler is when I get to hear from you when you’ve listened to an episode that helped you so much, like this message I received via Facebook DM:
Quote: ‘Hi Civilla! I was listening to your podcast episode 59 Endometriosis. I was suffering from that horrible disease for years and years since I was 22 yrs old. I remember you told me that you noticed a turn for the better in my comments on FB. Well, I did some of the things that you talked about in the podcast. I went to talk therapy, got several medical opinions regarding the disease in my body, and I found a doctor that did the Excision of Adhesion surgery. And I’ve been great ever since! Only I haven’t gotten pregnant. But at least I feel better, ttyl.’–TG. –unquote.
Wow! It doesn’t get any better than this!
You know, as I read that message the first time, I was so touched by the timing. I tend to get a message or email like this right after I finished wondering if I am really getting through to anyone! It never fails! Lol!
As I read it again, I started thinking about how my suggestions are based on personal experiences. Honestly, it is sometimes bittersweet. as I sometimes look back on my experiences, and there are things I wish I had done, or done differently or things that I had known. But I can’t dwell back there, in the past. And neither can you. We must look ahead, face forward even if we still feel immobilized by grief.
Here is another message I received just a couple days ago, from a Childless not by Choice with Civilla Morgan Facebook group member:
I just listened to this podcast and I’m very grateful that something like this is available for I wouldn’t be around since experiencing becoming childless…. I also watched the youtube video by Dr. Cristina and it hit the nail about what I’m dealing with… I still have my down days and I have not attended anything dedicated to children (recently a baby dedication happened at church which I saw ahead of time when it was going to happen so I didn’t go)… I know by listening to these podcasts will help encourage me to keep looking up and finding that acceptance to being childless… as I’m approaching a year of my surgery… I looking at this from a different angle and now hope that churches see that this is a real deal and they should open their hearts to those of us who are not able to have children so they can see we are as important just like the mommies and daddies…Thank you Civilla for putting these together for I know I am not alone and even with tears falling that I am loved and valuable even though I can’t have my own children.–Staci M.
She is referring to episode 91–celebration of three years of podcasting. And the YouTube video she is referring to, I will put the link in the show notes. THAT is a powerful video by a wonderful doctor, who is childless not by choice.
Look, It is already difficult enough that grief comes in waves, and as we move along in our journey the time between each wave can be longer than when we first realized we would not have children. In the beginning, the waves were seconds or minutes apart. Now, they may be days and months apart. And yes, there are triggers. And the triggers are different for everyone. And triggers can bring a wave crashing into our peaceful surf. You guys know how much I love the beach!
Don’t ignore your triggers, but do not allow them to run your life either. Recognize them, do what you must to manage them: see a therapist. Remember episode 88, where I interviewed Licensed Therapist Christy Jordan? Her contact information is in the show notes for that episode. And I will be adding her information to the Resource tab on the website.
Talk to a trusted friend or spiritual leader. Join a virtual community like ours which is on the website, http://www.childlessnotbychoice.net, or search for a local area MeetUp with a positive spirit, or vibe. It doesn’t make sense to sit and chat with women who are also childless and come away from the conversation feeling more depressed.
And remember, if you would like to speak with me one on one, the instructions are on the Shop tab on the website. Bottom line, there is nothing wrong with triggers. We are humans dealing with something that in most cases we did not think we would have to. Especially when we are surrounded by family members who had multiple children with no problem.
And of course remember to get a second opinion, as TG did, in the above message. Second opinions are very important, especially if what the first opinion is suggesting is questionable in your mind, or irreversible. This is why I say it so often: get a second opinion. Getting a second opinion is not disrespectful to your doctor. Indeed, they almost always expect you to do it when they give you a bad report. So please do not be afraid. You only have one body. And if they are talking hysterectomy, you only have one uterus. Review all of your options.
It took me 10 years to come to the realization that my only option would be a hysterectomy. No doctor could convince me before I was ready. And they did try. That was the reason for my requesting a second opinion. A doctor who instantly suggested a hysterectomy after my first visit. This was although he knew I had no children. He asked if I wanted children, and I told him I did.
I left his office and never went back. My new OB/Gyn would be the one who stood by me as I waited, hoping to meet Mr. Right. It was only when I finally decided to have the hysterectomy, that he advised me I would have an exponentially better quality of life, I did not care. I was about to lose the ability to carry a baby. And none of it was fair.
I felt good the morning of the surgery. I felt strong.
I felt a little twinge of ‘what have I done?’ after the surgery, but honestly, it did not last long. There was that moment I have told you guys about where I cried incessantly until I decided to visit a psychiatrist, but my OB/GYN was right, my quality of life has gotten better exponentially.
What I am saying is, find a doctor you trust, review his or her findings, and make a decision. Don’t blow things off especially if a cancer diagnosis is involved. I did not have that diagnosis, so waiting around for Mr. Right for 10 years was uncomfortable, embarrassing, depressing, but cancer was not a part of my story.
Bottom line, exercise common sense, have a say in your treatment and do what is best for you. It is your body!
And remember, if you do have a hysterectomy, there is a PDF on the Resource tab for post-hysterectomy care. I can’t tell you why doctors do not tell their patients the practical things, like waiting a few weeks before wearing heels. Heels put pressure on your midsection that you do not feel until you have a surgery like that. That is no good for the healing process.
Wear loose clothing the first few days or weeks. I still cannot answer the question as to why I wore jeans with a belt to an MD appointment shortly after one of my several myomectomies.
Common sense things like these will help you heal faster. Check out the PDF list for more information.
And thanks again for tuning in. Until next time, bye!
Articles of note:
My contact information:
Website: http://www.childlessnotbychoice.net and http://www.civillamorgan.com
Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM
LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM
Things I said in this episode:
‘You want to heal properly or you will never heal properly.’
Thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice. I appreciate it!
Until next time! Bye!
‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless, not by choice women, and men, around the world.’
‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.