Resources

Rubbing salt into the wound

Years ago, when I was still trying to hang onto hope, I did everything my OB/GYN suggested. One of those things was to take an injection that was available in a monthly or 90-day dose. I tried both doses. The medication was used to dissolve fibroids.  It didn’t do much for me. And unfortunately, one of the side effects of this medication was menopausal symptoms. I called it man-made menopause.

I had hot flashes, mood swings, depression, and sadness. But I believe the depression and sadness were mostly due to the drama of hanging on, buying time, while waiting to meet Mr. Right. I had considered IVF and I made two attempts at adoption. But I decided against IVF because it was too expensive and because my mom compelled me not to take that avenue.

But I was desperate.  God was not answering my prayers. The prayers I sent up to him for more than a decade. I became so desperate that I begged him to forgive me for whatever sins I had committed.  I asked him to forgive my family for any generational curses that were causing these cursed fibroids. I bargained with him. I begged him for a husband, I begged him for a child.

Silence.

The silence was deafening. Sometimes I would feel Him impressing upon my heart that everything would be alright. But as far as I was concerned, it was not. I wanted a child. Nothing would ever be alright without a child.

Mr. Right never showed up, I never had the baby, and I ended up having to have a hysterectomy.

Silence.

Now I am going through natural menopause. It is nowhere near as bad as the man-made menopause. I am not depressed and I am not having mood swings, but the incessant flushing is almost impossible to bear. It feels like salt is being rubbed into the wound. The wound of everything I endured. How many people do you know who have gone through menopause twice?   

They say God will not give us any more than we can bear, but honestly, I believe that is just a saying.

I am not whining, because many people around the world, children, and adults alike, are enduring unbelievable grief and sadness. As a fellow human being, I think about people around the world on a regular basis. I think about childless women, I think about abandoned and enslaved children, and I wonder what I can do to make things better for them, for others.

The fact is, although my heart is broken, it is healing. Although nothing that breaks will ever be the same again; whether we are talking about broken china, a broken leg, or a broken heart. They will never be completely brand new. But they will be functional. And the level of functionality depends on use. We can walk on a leg that was broken after it is healed, and we should.  Using the leg increases its functionality. We can use broken china after it is glued if only to put or keep it on display.  We can function with a broken heart if we push through the hurt and help others.  In each of those cases, a choice had to be made.  

We have to choose to function with the broken heart. There is a lot to be done in this world. And I believe we can do our part broken and healed.      

Guest Blogger Guidelines

Tell us how you have faced being childless not by choice, anything positive that has helped you on your journey:

Hobbies

A certain type of diet

Journaling

Traveling

Your spouse

A certain friend or family member who understands your pain, and just knows how to console you.

  • 600-1000 words
  • Create six to seven sentences per paragraph.
  • Each paragraph should have a theme.
  • End the blog post with an encouraging word for the reader. We want the reader who most likely will be childless not by choice herself, to walk away feeling that she can make it through this journey. Because she can.
  • I will go over/edit/make suggestions on your draft, send it back to you for review.
  • Once you give the go-ahead, I will finalize the draft, add pictures, and schedule it.
  • Blogs post on the 20th of each month, although I reserve the right to post your blog at any time during the month we agree upon.

 

  • Email your draft to civilla@civillamorgan.com
Small print, aka terms and conditions for guest bloggers:

As a guest blogger, your content will always be attributed to you. Your name will be listed as the author of any content you contribute.

  1. Please be sure that what you are sending is original content.
  2. If you are a professional Blogger, feel free to add a link back to your blog if it pertains to our childless, not by choice subject-matter. PLEASE DO NOT add links to businesses. Your post will not be accepted if you do. I will check.
  3. There will be no monetary consideration for your blog contribution. But as a guest blogger, with name attribution, you will gain recognition the more readership your blog receives.
  4. Thus, I reserve the right to post your blog on my social media platforms, and I suggest you do the same as that is what will gain more readership.
  5. Because our guest bloggers are group members who may not want to give full access by listing their surname, we generally use first name and last initial only. If you would like your full name used, please let me know immediately.     
  6. While I reserve the right to amend posts, please do take the time to check grammar. Any changes I make should be in syntax or sentence structure, not grammar.
  7. I reserve the right to take down a blog post at any time, without warning.
  8. Thank you for your submission. I will treat it with the same respect I treat mine!

 

Copyright 2018©, all rights reserved.

Tips for Living with PCOS

Click the link below for a list of ways to live with PCOS–Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome.

Tips for Living with PCOS

Tips For Coping With Miscarriage

Click the link below for tips on coping with miscarriage.

10 Tips for Coping with Miscarriage

 

 

Visit these websites for further research: (these links and more information is also available in the show notes of Episode 60—Miscarriage) 

https://www.verywell.com/making-sense-of-miscarriage-statistics-2371721

https://search.cdc.gov/search?query=miscarriage&utf8=%E2%9C%93&affiliate=cdc-main

These podcast episodes may help as you navigate through miscarriage:  

http://childlessnotbychoice.net/mental-health-in-the-childless-not-by-choice-community-my-interview-with-psychologist-dr-shari-ann-james/

 http://childlessnotbychoice.net/menopause-infertility-childlessness-my-interview-with-dr-emine-cay-masters/

 

Civilla M. Morgan

civilla@civillamorgan.com

www.childlessnotbychoice.net

Podcast: Childless not by Choice

Copyright 2017©

(Please do not share or make changes to this information.)

August/September 2017

Facebook.com/childlessnotbychoice
Twitter=@civilla1
Instagram= @joyand relevance
Pinterest=Civilla M. Morgan

 

Tips for coping with Fibroids:

Click here for more information on how to cope with Fibroids! 

 

 

Civilla M. Morgan

civilla@civillamorgan.com

www.childlessnotbychoice.net

Podcast: Childless not by Choice

Copyright 2017©

(Please do not share or make changes to this information.)

August/September 2017

Facebook.com/childlessnotbychoice
Twitter=@civilla1
Instagram= @joyand relevance
Pinterest=Civilla M. Morgan

 

 

Post Hysterectomy Tips

These tips were created from first-hand experience on how to best heal after a hysterectomy. I hope you find them useful. If you have had a hysterectomy and you would like to add to the list, let me know. I will post your first name and last initial next to the tip. Click to view and download the pdf.