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Episode 80—Are you being insensitive?

Hello everyone! Civilla Morgan here! Welcome back to Childless not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.  I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we could not, did not, have the children we so wanted.

 

  • Patreon Contributors: (Patreon contributors are those who have taken an interest in my platform whether they fit the childless not by choice demographic or not. They have decided to contribute a certain dollar amount on a regular basis to help fund my dream of creating awareness and conversation for the childless not by choice community globally. Click the Patreon link for details and to become a Patron!)

 

https://www.patreon.com/21stcenturyhannah

 

  • Jordan Morgan

 

Well, are you being insensitive? Here is how to know:

 

1) Of all the places to sit and talk about whether you and your husband want another child, you choose to sit directly in front of or within hearing distance of your childless not by choice family member.

 

2) You mention or directly tell your childless not by choice friend or family member that it took so long to have your baby (a whole year) that you understand how they feel.

3) You wonder out loud how a woman can be so selfish as to not want babies when you do not know WHY a woman does not have babies.

 

4) You tell a childless not by choice woman that she does not understand because she does not have children (because Lord knows the common-sense part of our brains is underdeveloped until we have children).

5) You do and say things to or in front of a childless not by choice woman to get a reaction.

6) You tell a childless not by choice woman that it just was not God’s will for you to have children (as you chase yours around the house).

7) You tell a childless not by choice woman that she can have yours or that she should be happy she does not have kids because they are a lot of work.

8) Contributed by Stacy– ‘when family members lack understanding and empathy for what you have gone through or are going through in your childlessness.’

 

If you are reading this and you are childless not by choice, please visit my website, http://www.childlessnotbychoice.net, click the Resource tab, and you will find PDF content to help you along your journey.

 

 My contact information:

Website: http://www.childlessnotbychoice.net and http://www.civillamorgan.com

Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan

Twitter: @civilla1

Instagram: @joyandrelevance

Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM

LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM

 

Please help me out by taking this very short survey!

https://survey.libsyn.com/21stcenturyhannah

 

Thank you for listening! 

Until next time! Bye!

Welcome to February, the month of love!

Are you subscribed to the Newsletter? Read below for a snippet, and Happy Valentine’s Day!

 

Let’s face it, not all of us are in a relationship. Not all of us will celebrate Valentine’s Day with that significant other over a candlelit dinner.

Not all of us have little people to buy cards and chocolates for. BUT, we are still valid and valuable. I hope you have relationships where you feel valued, and where you value someone else. Whether that is a best friend, a sibling, a parent, or nieces and nephews.

Those are all valued and beautiful relationships. Do not take them for granted!

Episode 79–part two, 11 Childless not by Choice Women who Changed the World

Hello everyone! Civilla Morgan here! Welcome back to Childless, not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.  I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we could not, did not, have the children we so wanted.

 

  • Thank you to my Patreon Contributors: (Patreon contributors are those who have taken an interest in my platform whether they fit the childless not by choice demographic or not. They have decided to contribute a certain dollar amount on a regular basis to help fund my dream of creating awareness and conversation for the childless not by choice community globally.

 

  • Podcaster Sarah Williams of The Tough Girls Podcast
  • Jordan Morgan

 

Click the link below to become my next Patreon Subscriber:

 

https://www.patreon.com/21stcenturyhannah

 

Welcome to part two of 10, 11 Childless not by Choice women who Changed the World

In this segment, we start the list with famed French Chef Julia Child!

Popular TV chef and author Julia Child was born on August 15, 1912, in Pasadena, California. In 1948, she moved to France where she developed a penchant for French cuisine. With a goal of adapting sophisticated French cuisine for mainstream Americans, she collaborated on a two-volume cookbook called Mastering the Art of French Cooking, which was considered groundbreaking, and has since become a standard guide for the culinary community. She also became a television icon with her popular cooking shows such as The French Chef

Child lived a privileged childhood. She was educated at San Francisco’s elite Katherine Branson School for Girls, where—at a towering height of 6 feet, 2 inches—she was the tallest student in her class. She was a lively prankster who, as one friend recalled, could be “really, really wild.” She was also adventurous and athletic, with talent in golf, tennis and small-game hunting.

 

In 1993, she was rewarded for her work when she became the first woman inducted into the Culinary Institute Hall of Fame. In November 2000, following a 40-year career that has made her name synonymous with fine food and a permanent among the world’s most famous chefs, Julia received France’s highest honor: The Legion d’Honneur. And in August 2002, the Smithsonian’s National Museum of American History unveiled an exhibit featuring the kitchen, where she filmed three of her popular cooking shows.

Child died in August 2004 of kidney failure at her assisted-living home in Montecito, two days before her 92nd birthday. Child had no intentions of slowing down, even in her final days. “In this line of work…you keep right on till you’re through,” she said. “Retired people are boring. “After her death Child’s last book, the autobiography My Life in France was published with the help of Child’s great nephew, Alex Prud’homme. The book, which centered on how Child discovered her true calling, became a best seller.

(My notes on Julia Child: Did you get that? Her autobiography was ‘centered on how Child discovered her true calling…’ have you discovered your true calling yet, because you have one.

https://www.biography.com/people/julia-child-9246767

 

Harriet Tubman (1822–1913) was an escaped slave who became a leading figure in the abolitionist movement. Harriet Tubman also served as a spy for the US army during the civil war and was an active participant in the struggle for women’s suffrage, an iconic symbol of courage and resistance to injustice, inspiring many generations of civil rights activists.

Tubman helped rescue over 70 slaves, in about 13 expeditions (and offering advice to many more). She often traveled in the darker winter months, making it easier to travel incognito by night. Because of the dangers on the road, she always took a revolver with her. She was also willing to use it to threaten any escaped slave who wished to go back because she knew returning would endanger all the escapees. She was proud never to lose an escaping slave on her expeditions. In April 2016, it was announced she would figure on the US $20 bill.

https://www.biographyonline.net/women/harriet-Tubman-biography.html

 

Eva Peron served as Argentina’s First lady from 1946 to 1952.  Eva Peron or ‘Evita’ became a powerful political figure with a large support base amongst the poor and working-class trade union members. She inspired millions with her campaigns to help the poor and give women the right to vote.

To her supporters, she was a saint who strove to overcome poverty and injustice. To her detractors (in the nation’s military and bourgeoisie) she was a controversial figure at the heart of Argentinian politics. Eva Peron remains an important symbol of emancipation, especially for women in Latin America. She was one of the first women to create a lasting political/humanitarian legacy. Christina Fernandez, the first female elected President of Argentina, claims that women of her generation owe a debt to Eva for “her example of passion and combativeness”.

http://www.biographyonline.net/politicians/american/eva-peron.html

 

Cicely Tyson is an award-winning film, television and stage actress. She is known for choosing quality roles that send positive messages to women of color.

Cicely Tyson was born in New York City on December 19, 1924 (although some believe her birth year to be 1933). She built a successful career by carefully choosing roles that exemplified quality and depth. She has won accolades and awards for her performances on TV, stage and in film, with credits including SounderRootsThe Autobiography of Miss Jane Pittman and The Help. Tyson has won two Emmy Awards and a Tony Award, among other honors, over the course of her acting career. She was inducted into the Black Filmmakers Hall of Fame in 1977.

Tyson grew up in Harlem, New York. At the age of 18, she walked away from a typing job and began modeling. Tyson was then drawn to acting, though she had not been permitted to go to plays or movies as a child. When she got her first acting job, her religious mother, feeling that Tyson was choosing a sinful path, kicked her out of their home.

Despite her mother’s initial disapproval (the two didn’t speak for two years before reconciling), Tyson found success as an actress, appearing onstage, in movies and on TV.

Tyson was nominated for an Academy Award for 1972’s Sounder. She also portrayed notable roles on television, including Kunta Kinte’s mother in the adaptation of Alex Haley’s Roots and the title role in The Autobiography of Miss Jane Pittman, which earned Tyson an Emmy Award in 1974. Moving to Broadway in 1983, Tyson was the lead in The Corn Is Green, a play set in a Welsh mining town.

However, Tyson’s career trajectory wasn’t a smooth one; at times, she had trouble simply finding work. She flatly refused to do “blaxploitation” films or to take parts solely for the paycheck and was selective about the roles she chose. As she explained in a 1983 interview, “Unless a piece really said something, I had no interest in it. I have got to know that I have served some purpose here.”

Through the years, Tyson has kept much of her personal life—including her birth year—under wraps. One known personal detail is that Tyson was married to Miles Davis for seven years in the 1980s.

Though other information about her life is scant, Tyson has a well-known commitment to community involvement. She co-founded the Dance Theater of Harlem after Martin Luther King Jr.’s assassination, and when a school board in East Orange, New Jersey, wanted to name a performing arts schools after her, she only agreed to accept the honor if she could participate in school activities. In addition to attending meetings and events, Tyson has even taught a master class at the school.

Tyson has received numerous acting awards and nominations and became a member of the Black Filmmakers Hall of Fame in 1977. She has also been honored by the Congress of Racial Equality and by the National Council of Negro Women. And in 2010, the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People presented Tyson with its 95th Spingarn Medal—an award given to African Americans who have reached outstanding levels of achievement.

In 2015 Tyson was nominated for an Emmy for her guest starring role in ABC’s How to Get Away With Murder and was a recipient of the Kennedy Center Honors. The following year, she was honored with the Presidential Medal of Freedom by Barack Obama.

For more information on Cicely Tyson, click the link below:

https://www.biography.com/people/cicely-tyson-9512950

(my notes on Cicely Tyson: Did you get that? ‘However, Tyson’s career trajectory wasn’t a smooth one; at times, she had trouble simply finding work. She flatly refused to do “blaxploitation” films, or to take parts solely for the paycheck, and was selective about the roles she chose.’

QUOTES:

“I feel so guilty about the state of young people today. And I say that because our generation fought for everything. We fought to sit down at a counter, to sit on a bus. They were left with nothing to fight for.”

—Cicely Tyson

 NOTE: In the episode, I said she was born in the same part of the world I was. I meant to say her family is from the same part of the world where I was born, The Caribbean.

 

 

Dian Fossey was born in San Francisco, Calif., in 1932. Her parents divorced when she was young, so Dian grew up with her mother and stepfather. By all accounts, she was an excellent student and was extremely interested in animals from a very young age. At age 6, she began horseback riding lessons and in high school earned a letter on the riding team.

When Dian enrolled in college courses at Marin Junior College, she chose to focus on business, following the encouragement of her stepfather, a wealthy businessman. She worked while in school, and at age 19, on the summer break following her freshman year of college, she went to work on a ranch in Montana. At the ranch, she fell in love with and developed an attachment to the animals, but she was forced to leave early when she contracted chicken pox.

Even so, the experience convinced Dian to follow her heart and return to school as a pre-veterinary student at the University of California. She found some of the chemistry and physics courses quite challenging, and ultimately, she turned her focus to a degree in occupational therapy at San Jose State College, from which she graduated in 1954.

 

She spent many years longing to visit Africa and realized that if her dream were to be realized, she would have to take matters into her own hands. Therefore, in 1963, Dian took out a bank loan and began planning her first trip to Africa. She hired a driver by mail and prepared to set off to the land of her dreams.

 

It took Dian Fossey’s entire life savings, in addition, a bank loan, to make her dream a reality. In September 1963, she arrived in Kenya. 

 Following her visit to the Virungas, Dian remained in Africa a while longer, staying with friends in Rhodesia. Upon arriving home in Kentucky, she resumed her work at Kosair Children’s Hospital, in order to repay the loan she had taken out for her trip to Africa – all the while dreaming of the day she would return.

 

In 1980, Dian moved to Ithaca, New York, as a visiting associate professor at Cornell University. She used the time away from Karisoke to focus on the manuscript for her book, “Gorillas in the Mist.” Published in 1983, the book is an account of her years in the rainforest with the mountain gorillas. Most importantly, it underscores the need for concerted conservation efforts. The book was well received and, like the movie of the same name remains popular to this day.

 

Dian had not been back in Rwanda long when, a few weeks before her 54th birthday, she was murdered. Her body was found in her cabin on the morning of Dec. 27, 1985. She was struck twice on the head and face with a machete. There was evidence of forced entry but no signs that robbery had been the motive.

 

Please click the link below for more information on Dian Fossey.

 

https://gorillafund.org/who-we-are/dian-fossey/dian-fossey-bio/

 

Quote: “There was no way that I could explain to dogs, friends, or parents my compelling need to return to Africa to launch a long-term study of the gorillas. Some may call it destiny and others may call it dismaying. I call the sudden turn of events in my life fortuitous.” — “Gorillas in the Mist”

 

“When you realize the value of all life, you dwell less on what is past and concentrate on the preservation of the future.” — “Gorillas in the Mist”

 

Women I also found interesting, but I promised 10! Feel free to check out the biographyonline.net site if you would like to learn more about these women! 

Ginger Rogers

Betsy Ross

Helen Keller

Kathryn Johanna Kuhlman

Bonnie Raitt

 

Is there a woman who did not make the list? Let me know. I would love to do a follow up to this episode as I believe it is such an encouragement to see these women did not fold their arms and check out of society.

 

Below are two links that list men and women down through history, who never had children:

http://nkohk.forumotion.net/t16-the-long-list-of-childfree-and-childless-in-history

http://brianhassett.com/2010/06/people-who-dont-have-kids/

 

Used for research purposes, some of these women did have children:

http://www.biographyonline.net/people/women-who-changed-world.html

 

 

Articles of note:

http://www.theaustralian.com.au/opinion/columnists/berejiklian-gillard-may-merkel-power-to-childless-women/news-story/004e9d8eaf2940ba43ce39d3bd86fc3b

 

  • If you haven’t already joined the Facebook group, you are missing a lot of great conversation, commiseration, and encouragement. There are women in there from all around the world who have found a great place to encourage and be encouraged! Come on in and join the conversation!
  • I am working on courses just for you. Right now, ’10 Days to Setting Kind but Firm Boundaries is available when you go to the website and click on the Courses tab. It costs just $29.97 to realize what it takes and how to create kind but firm boundaries.
  • Visit the website, explore, and don’t forget to visit the Resources tab where you can download free PDF content.  

 

My contact information:

Website: http://www.childlessnotbychoice.net and http://www.civillamorgan.com

Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan

Twitter: @civilla1

Instagram: @civilla1

Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM

LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM

 

Please help me out by taking this very short survey!

https://survey.libsyn.com/21stcenturyhannah

In Closing: Thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice. I appreciate it!

Until next time! Bye!

 

 

Episode 78–11 Childless not by Choice Women Who Changed the World—Part one

Hello everyone! Civilla Morgan here! Welcome back to Childless, not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.  I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we could not, did not, have the children we so wanted.

 

  • Thank you to my Patreon Contributors: (Patreon contributors are those who have taken an interest in my platform whether they fit the childless not by choice demographic or not. They have decided to contribute a certain dollar amount monthly to help fund the creation of awareness and conversation for the childless not by choice community globally.
  •  Podcaster Sarah Williams of The Tough Girls Podcast
  • Jordan Morgan

 

Click the link below to become my next Patreon Subscriber:

 https://www.patreon.com/21stcenturyhannah

 

Well today, at the suggestion of a member of our Childless not by Choice Facebook group, I am going to tell you about 11 childless, not by choice women who changed the world! Cool, right? What a wonderful way to start off the new year!

I want to remind you that although we are on a childless not by choice journey, a journey we did not plan when we were seven and playing wedding with our dolls or writing little love notes to the cute boy in 6th grade. Or maybe you married the love of your life only to realize there would be no natural born children. You are still on this planet for a reason.

Once you face the fact that you will not have children, and whether you adopt, you must decide what you will do with the rest of your life. Will you blend into the background of life, existing, deciding not to show up for your own life?  Opting to live with a level of unhappiness that exists just beneath the surface. An almost, not quite sadness that brews just beneath the surface? A seething bitterness, anger, envy, or fear of growing old and alone. Your prayers, dreams, hopes, and wishes smashed to pieces.

OR, you, we, can CHOOSE to face all that negativity squarely in the face; however, it manifests: family, friends, frienemies, and strangers; and CHOOSE to create the life you would like to live. With that, here is part one of the list. Listen to episode 79, for part two.      

 

The list:

There were many wonderful women to choose from. It was tough to narrow it to 10, you know, the typical top 10 list; but that 11th person I just could not leave off.

How I decided:

  • I chose women from around the world
  • I chose women from different walks of life
  • I chose women from different socioeconomic levels
  • I chose women who made a global as well as local impact with their lives.
  • I chose women who made an impact in just about every industry: medicine, music, religion, politics, social justice, and the arts. Well, almost every field.

Well, without further ado, may I present the list:

Dr. Audrey Evans—Born in York, England, 1925.  Life’s work: Pediatric Oncology. She “developed the Evans Staging System for neuroblastoma, a malignant hemorrhagic tumor of the adrenal medulla that occurs mainly in infants and children.” She also co-founded the Ronald McDonald House.

I posted two links below. One is a link of more information on Dr. Evans, the other is an awesome video where she is interviewed. I purposely did not say too much about Dr. Evans because that video says it all. It will leave you speechless. 

https://cfmedicine.nlm.nih.gov/physicians/biography_106.html

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hstjG19OjkA  (I LOVE this video)

 

“Rosa Louise McCauley Parks (1913 – 2005) was an African American civil rights activist and seamstress whom the U.S. Congress dubbed the “Mother of the Modern-Day Civil Rights Movement”.

Parks is famous for her refusal on 1 December 1955, to obey bus driver James Blake’s demand that she relinquish her seat to a white man. Her subsequent arrest and trial for this act of civil disobedience triggered the Montgomery Bus Boycott, one of the largest and most successful mass movements against racial segregation in history, and launched Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., one of the organizers of the boycott, to the forefront of the civil rights movement.” 

In other words, she was a catalyst! I know she did not get up that morning thinking ‘I think I will be a catalyst today!’ For more information on Ms. Parks, please view the link below. 

https://www.biographyonline.net/humanitarian/rosa-parks.html

 

Mother Teresa (1910–1997) was a Roman Catholic nun who devoted her life to serving the poor and destitute around the world. She spent many years in Calcutta, India where she founded the Missionaries of Charity, a religious congregation devoted to helping those in great need. In 1979, Mother Teresa was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize and became a symbol of charitable, selfless work. In 2016, Mother Teresa was canonized by the Roman Catholic Church as Saint Teresa.

One of her famous quotes was:

“It is not how much we do,
but how much love we put in the doing.
It is not how much we give,
but how much love we put in the giving.”

See the link below for more information on Mother Theresa.

https://www.biographyonline.net/nobelprize/mother_teresa.html

  

“Mary Cassatt (May 22, 1844-June 14, 1926) was an American artist best remembered for her paintings depicting the intimate bond between mothers and children. She was one of the leading artists of the Impressionist movement and along with Marie Bracquemond and Berthe Morisot, she is counted amongst the greatest female artists of her time.

For more information on Mary Cassatt, click the link below. 

https://www.thefamouspeople.com/profiles/mary-cassatt-6066.php

 

Joan of Arc (1412-1431) is a French heroine and Roman Catholic saint. Born in obscurity to a peasant family, she traveled to the uncrowned Dauphin of France, advising him to reclaim his French throne and defeat the English. Joan of Arc was sent alongside French troops to the siege of Orleans and rose to prominence after the siege was lifted after nine days. She was later captured and burned at the stake for heresy. However, as she predicted, seven years after her death, France was reunited with the English defeated and Charles crowned King.

Quote: “One life is all we have, and we live it as we believe in living it. But to sacrifice what you are and to live without belief, that is a fate more terrible than dying.”—Joan of Arc

For the rest of the story, please click the link below:

https://www.biographyonline.net/women/joan-of-arc.html

 

Oprah Winfrey–January 29, 1954–is an American media proprietor, talk show host, actress, producer, and philanthropist. She Overcame childhood abuse and rejection as a young woman to become one of the wealthiest women on the planet.  Oprah Winfrey was born in Kosciusko, Mississippi. Her parents were unmarried and separated soon after conception. Oprah had a difficult childhood. She lived in great poverty and often had to dress in potato sacks for which she was mocked at school. She was also sexually abused at an early age.

Oprah has proven to countless woman, and in particular black women worldwide, that it truly is not how you start out, but how you end. It truly is up to you.

Quotes:

Doing the best at this moment puts you in the best place for the next moment.”

“Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.”

 

“Surround yourself with only people who are going to lift you higher.”

 

https://www.biographyonline.net/humanitarian/oprah-winfrey.html

 

In Closing: Thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice. I appreciate it!

  • If you haven’t already joined the Facebook group, you are missing a lot of great conversation, commiseration, and encouragement. There are women in there from all around the world who have found a great place to encourage and be encouraged! Come on in and join the conversation!
  • I am working on courses just for you. Right now, ’10 Days to Setting Kind but Firm Boundaries is available when you go to the website and click on the Courses tab. It costs just $29.97 to realize what it takes and how to create kind but firm boundaries.
  • Visit the website, explore, and don’t forget to visit the Resources tab where you can download free PDF content.  

 

My contact information:

Website: http://www.childlessnotbychoice.net and http://www.civillamorgan.com

Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan

Twitter: @civilla1

Instagram: @civilla1

Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM

LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM

“When someone tells you to just forget about it, ask them what they have forgotten.”—Civilla Morgan

Please help me out by taking this very short survey!

https://survey.libsyn.com/21stcenturyhannah

Until next time! Bye!

Wiggle room

I’ve been sitting here the last few days of 2017, watching the clock wind down. It’s been a whirlwind the last couple of weeks of the year because no part of planning life ever works out. This is especially the case when you have people you need to interact with, like family and friends for instance.

You’ve heard the saying, ‘no man is an island.’ I don’t know who said it, but it’s true. We may want to be an island sometimes. And those of us who are introvert homebodies try to be an island, but the fact is, we live on a sphere with almost seven billion other people. We must participate from time to time. That’s just the way it goes.

Another saying I have heard, probably loosely taken from The Bible, is ‘While we are planning our lives, God is laughing.’ Because we all know nothing goes as planned when it comes to life. The fact is, we should plan. Because there is yet another saying, ‘those who fail to plan, plan to fail.’ So, planning is appropriate, wise, and mature. But we can’t really get bent out of shape (too much) when things do not go as planned. 

My suggestion: leave some wiggle room in your life for the unplanned. If you do not, you will become one of those bitter, tired, angry, sad, lonely, frustrated, and the list goes on; people that we see daily. We work with them, we drive alongside them in traffic (scary), we may even live with them!

If you maintain wiggle room, you still get to grieve loss or the unexpected left turn; but chances are you will find a way to live with your new reality. Let me be real, wiggle room can even lessen the possibility of contemplating suicide. And wiggle room can create a new platform from which to help others.

Wiggle room can save many lives—yours and those who see you struggle but make it through, scars and all.

Wiggle room does not completely alleviate stress, it lessens the stress. Wiggle room allows us to make good decisions during the stress. Think about how to create wiggle room for yourself and your family in 2018.

Here’s a tip, wiggle room goes by other names:

margin, like leaving a little bit of margin in your checking account. Having a savings account. And generally watching your spending.

grace, like not being on ready when someone offends you or cuts you off in traffic.

time, like giving yourself extra time to make an appointment.

attitude, like having a good attitude in front of your kids when interacting with another adult, no matter how you feel about that adult.

Planning, I know we talked about planning earlier. But yes, we still need to have a plan.

Thankfulness, like realizing that if you are reading this, you are doing so much better than most of the people on this planet.

Those are just a few types of wiggle room. I’m sure you can think of some more. Create a list of your own, use this list, or combine the two lists. Then refer to the list regularly during 2018.

We will get caught off guard from time to time, but wiggle room along with a positive mindset will generally allow us to bounce back faster! Create some wiggle room in 2018!

 

Episode 77—Merry Christmas Everyone!

Hello hello, hello everyone! Civilla Morgan here! Merry Christmas! And welcome back to another episode of Childless, not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.  I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we could not, did not, have the children we so wanted.

 

  • Thank you to my Patreon Contributors: (Patreon contributors are those who have taken an interest in my platform whether they fit the childless not by choice demographic or not. They have decided to contribute a certain dollar amount on a regular basis to help fund my dream of creating awareness and conversation for the childless not by choice community globally. Click the Patreon link for details and to become a Patron!)

 

https://www.patreon.com/21stcenturyhannah

 

  • Podcaster Sarah Williams of The Tough Girls Podcast
  • Jordan Morgan

 

iTunes Reviews:

October 10, 2017, by Ateqers from the United Kingdom:

‘It is an excellent program, full of insightful comments and educational.’ 

Thank you Ateqers, hope I am pronouncing your name/handle correctly, for your comment and for your five-star review.  It is greatly appreciated! 

 

Many of you listen to this podcast on different platforms. Google Play Radio, Stitcher Radio, Apple Podcast, my website, just to name a few. But I am happy to announce that you may now listen on Spotify! How exciting right?

 

Well, I am so excited about today’s episode. I LOVE Christmas and to be able to post the final episode of the year on Christmas Day has me as excited as a kid in a candy store, literally!

So, let’s get started. I wanted to tell you about how the ladies in the Facebook group are doing, in their own words. I think it is fitting as we come to the end of 2017, that we look back at the growth: The growth of the women in the group and the growth of the platform! Here is the first post: 

Ladies who have found solace in the group:

  • Gaby–In one week, it will be the 4th anniversary of my 3rd miscarriage. Unfortunately, all my miscarriages have been during the holidays (Thanksgiving or Christmas). This time of year is always difficult – I’m sure for us all. I’m trying to focus on charity work for children in need. I also joined a mentor program for young girls who have few to no resources around them. While helping others may not replace having your own children, channeling the mourning and at times regret into something positive is hugely helpful. No specific reason to post other than to share with you all, my sisters on this challenging path. Thank you for being here.

I wanted to add that when I asked Gaby how she felt now at the end of the year compared to January, she said the following: “By the way, I feel about the same since January. Strong and grateful, with a side order of some fear and sadness. They are all collocated. Coming to the group has almost immediately taken away my feelings of being alone.”

I wanted to add that because I believed that would resonate with a lot of you.

  • Joanna (upon welcoming a new member to the group) ‘Hi —-, I joined at the weekend for the same reason. So grateful for the group and glad you found us too. I feel better for the support in just a few days. Just knowing that people understand.’ I also wanted to add a word of encouragement given to Joanna by a good friend of hers who has children:

 

  • Debbie—‘Tomorrow my niece gets married. In all honesty, besides excitement for her, my husband and I are sad by what we will never experience. I made a decision about 6 months ago that if I start to feel discouraged over something to reach out and be an encouragement to someone. So, yesterday I wrote a message to my sister-in-law and brother-in-law because I knew that even though this is an exciting time there has to be some emotion of “giving their daughter away.” She responded that the message was needed and timely. I know we all have an ache that most do not understand. I am learning to put myself in other’s shoes, reach out and be an encouragement and what do I find? It helps me to not fall into the ‘pit of despair.” The journey of life is hard enough. What do you do when you start to see yourself fall into discouragement over being childless not by choice?’

 

Aren’t those wonderful testimonials to the growth that can happen when we choose to push through our pain? These ladies are just awesome for choosing to share their growth and their pain, knowing that in doing so, you can be helped. If you are childless not by choice and you would like to join a group that cries, encourages, commiserates, and grows through pain; Childless not by Choice with Civilla Morgan is the place to be.

There is also the Childless not by Choice Supporters with Civilla Morgan Facebook group. So, come on in and join the conversation. There is a place for everyone!

Well, what a year this has been! I have witnessed the growth of the platform, engagement from the women in the group, wonderful words of thanks and encouragement for how this platform has helped them push through to a better place. 

I have a second Patreon contributor now. My heart is forever touched by the thoughtful gifts of beautiful 2018 calendars and chocolate covered Macadamia nuts from Janice. And the financial contribution for microphones from Susan! How cool was that?! Thank you, Janice and Susan!

I am loving this sense of community that has been created.  And I know it will only continue into 2018 and the years ahead. We are getting the word out that there is an entire demographic of women, and men, around the world, who exist and in some cases, hide in plain sight! Awareness is being created, and conversations are being had.       

Hearts are being healed, and relationships are being built or re-built! Those stories of healing and strengthened relationships are gifts to me, just as tangible as the ones I mentioned earlier.

I can’t wait to see how 2018 will witness more help and healing! I hope you will join us, and join the conversation!

  

My contact information:

Website: http://www.childlessnotbychoice.net and http://www.civillamorgan.com

Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan

Twitter: @civilla1

Instagram: @joyandrelevance

Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM

LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM

 

Please help me out by taking this very short survey!

https://survey.libsyn.com/21stcenturyhannah

 

Thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice. It is appreciated!

 

Until next time! Bye!

Single, childless, and still fabulous!

Growing up in suburban Melbourne, Australia in an era where it was expected I would finish school, get an office job, marry, and raise a family – society had my life all mapped out.

Now, 33 years later, newly single, I discovered I had breast cancer. Because of the deemed severity of the cancer, the oncologist insisted I commence treatment immediately. However, thinking there was much opportunity to meet a life partner, settle down and raise a family I instead chose to first have a crash course of IVF and managed to harvest 4 eggs. The treatment caused me to go into early menopause, so I accepted IVF would be my only resolve.

At 36, I finally found the strength to put myself back out into the dating scene. But part of me was missing – my confidence went into hiding and my belief was that no one would want a barren woman, no one would love me enough to tackle IVF. My limiting belief was stopping me from experiencing opportunities that did present themselves, I was self-sabotaging.

To top it off, I discovered I had contracted an STI. That was it, my self-worth was completely shattered. I truly believed the universe was rejecting me – I had no business being in a loving relationship, I had no business bringing another life into this world. Over the years, I contemplated being a single parent, however medical advice suggested, if IVF was successful, I would be putting my unborn child at risk of cancer and/or contracting the STI. I considered donating my eggs to someone who was reproductively challenged but having cancer put a stop to that too. 

Receiving my bi-annual egg storage fees was a painful and stressful experience. It was a reminder of ‘what’ I was and more to the point ‘what’ I was not.  And it was not until after my mum passed away, that I knew something had to change.  I realized something had to give – I was miserable, yet so sick of myself – it was exhausting playing the victim of my circumstances.

So, I started on a journey of self-development. And it has been through this journey that I have started to love and accept myself for who I am, to become aware of my thinking and emotions, their triggers and my responses and I have learned that blaming life or blaming others is of absolutely no value.

Now at age 48, I have let go of what society thinks a woman should be, and what I thought a woman should be. I have donated my eggs to research and am embracing the woman that I am, accepting responsibility for my life. I have chosen to make choices that will bring about change – I choose to be a cause, I choose to focus on risky problems, I choose to think above the line. I no longer pity myself when I answer, ‘Not married, No children’. Instead, I am proud of myself for working through my challenges and living my truth. 

I believe our purpose in life is to ‘be you’ – to love, to learn, to give and to grow. I am ‘being me’ – I am loving who I am becoming. I am learning more about myself every day, learning to be vulnerable and have trust in the world again.

My mission now is to assist others in working through their limiting beliefs, face their fears, brave the world, and roar with the courage to find a renewed direction!

Episode 76–The War on Fibroids, my Interview with Ms. Halona Black

Hello everyone! Civilla Morgan here! Welcome back to Childless not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.  I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we could not, did not, have the children we so wanted.

 

  • Patreon Contributors: (Patreon contributors are those who have taken an interest in my platform whether they fit the childless not by choice demographic or not. They have decided to contribute a certain dollar amount on a regular basis to help fund my dream of creating awareness and conversation for the childless not by choice community globally. Click the Patreon link below for details and to become a Patron!)

 

 

  • Podcaster Sarah Williams of The Tough Girls Podcast
  • Jordan Morgan

 

Intro: Well, we have a special guest! Ms. Halona Black is on a mission to help women realize how to fight the battle against fibroids. Halona says “I am not a physician or nurse. I’m an advocate for women’s wellness and guide women through making choices regarding their reproductive health through an integrative approach. That means that food and lifestyle are of the utmost importance. I do teach cooking classes.”

Welcome, Halona!

Questions:

  • What is your ‘why’, we hear that term a lot, but what put you on the journey to battle fibroids?

 

  • You say that ‘Herbal remedies are wonderful’, tell us more about them?  

 

  • Some years ago, after my hysterectomy, I went to a Natural Medicine MD for an issue other than my hysterectomy. I honestly cannot recall, may have been migraines. After a few visits I stopped going because, and the main reason was because after she read on my questionnaire that I had had a hysterectomy, she said several times that it was too bad I had not come to see her before my surgery, that I would not have had to have the surgery.

Hearing that more than once made me feel like so many negative things. Because the fact was, I had already had the hysterectomy and there was no turning back.

You say that ‘Living a happy life is important. It’s also important for women to know that even if they have lost their womb due to fibroids or other issues, it is still important for them to take care of their reproductive health.’  How exactly does a woman take care of her reproductive health if she no longer has a womb?

 

  • Some of the women in my group have had hysterectomies. Do you have any examples where someone was helped post-hysterectomy, and how?

 

  • Tell us about your 10-Day Detox book. It’s available on Amazon, is it available anywhere else?

 

  • Anything you did not get to discuss as we wrap up?

 

Halona’s contact information:

 http://GarlicAndLemonsLLC.com

http://www.GarlicAndLemonsMag.com.

 

Halona’s ebook is available on Amazon: Loving My Fibroids Away: A 10-Day Detox Plan Kindle Edition, $7.99

5-day ecourse on the website

hello@garlicandlemonsmag.com  to order the physical workbook, $37.00

PLEASE NOTE: As Ms. Black mentioned, she is not a clinician. Please see a licensed clinician for health-related issues and questions. Thank you.   

 

Thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice.

I appreciate it!

My contact information:

Website: http://www.childlessnotbychoice.net and http://www.civillamorgan.com

Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan

Twitter: @joyandrelevance

Instagram: @joyandrelevance

Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM

LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM

 

Please help me out by taking this very short survey!

https://survey.libsyn.com/21stcenturyhannah

 

 

Until next time! Bye!

 

Episode 75–30 Days of GRATITUDE

Hello hello, hello everyone! Civilla Morgan here! Welcome back to another episode of Childless not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world. 

I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we could not, did not, have the children we so wanted.

Thank my Patreon Contributors:

 

  • Patreon Contributors: (Patreon contributors are those who have taken an interest in my platform whether they fit the childless not by choice demographic or not. They have decided to contribute a certain dollar amount on a regular basis to help fund my dream of creating awareness and conversation for the childless not by choice community globally. Click the Patreon link in the show notes for details and to become a Patron!)

 

https://www.patreon.com/21stcenturyhannah

 

  • Podcaster Sarah Williams of The Tough Girls Podcast
  • Jordan Morgan

 

 

Today’s episode is about Gratitude, ‘30 Days of GRATITUDE! To be exact!  

We did a Facebook Live at the end of October to kick off the 30 days of GRATITUDE event all November. To close out November, we will do a Facebook Live inside the group, on November 30th from 6:00pm-6:30 pm US EST.

If you are not in the group but would like to create a list, please do create your list of 30 items.  Use nice paper or a nice journal book, because I suggest you keep your list in a prominent place where you can remind yourself of those 30 things on a regular basis throughout 2018.

A couple of the ladies in the group sent me words of encouragement for you! Isn’t that nice? Here is the first one:

 

   The Other Me

I took a path I did not choose
Nor thought I’d ever take,
My dreams were of Prince Charming
And of the babies we would make.

But something really bad occurred
That destroyed those dreams so dear,
And who I would be without them
At first, was none too clear.

From the shattered fragments
Of my old dream I once had,
I saw a shining treasure,
And I wasn’t quite so sad.

So, I now pursue a new dream
Because I am an “Other.”
I have joy along the journey,
And I’m thankful for my mother. —Carol

 

This poem was written by Carol, one of the ladies in the Childless not by Choice with Civilla Morgan group. Thank you, Carol, for sharing your beautiful words with us. I am sure it touched many hearts!    

 

And here is the other item:

 

Hi Civilla,

I would like to share the 4 F’s:

Faith, Focus, Fortitude, and Follow-through:

Faith – in your spiritual being to nourish your soul and wellbeing.

Focus – on caring for your physical & emotional health.  Don’t be afraid to seek out professionals to help you (& partner) to cope. Learn new ways to cope!

Fortitude – Strengthen your heart with the love and support of those who love you, whenever you are feeling emotionally vulnerable.

Follow through – with courage in facing your future. Know you can (& WILL) find joy, love and laughter again.  Move on to live your best life!

This wonderful lady also said:

 “I am grateful for my husband, without his faithful love and support, I don’t know where my journey in life would have taken me. At this moment in time, there are so many things I am grateful for and I just don’t have just one.  I know the above 4 F’s is a lot of words, it’s more like me sharing to the women who are not at this level of joyous contentment (I am at now). Once upon a time (dark times) I was in their shoes!”

Aloha,

Janice

 

Thank you, Janice, for your wonderful words of encouragement!

 

Well, I won’t read you my entire GRATITUDE list, but I will read you three things from my list, here goes:

 

  • My Parents/family—I couldn’t do this without their love and support even when they did not fully understand my grief.

 

  • The ability to help others through the childless not by choice grieving process—Some tell me that creating this platform is a gift. If it is, it is my gift to you.

 

  •  The members of my childless not by choice platform/ growth of the platform—I am thankful for the trust you all have put on this platform. You have joined the Facebook groups, followed on Twitter, subscribed to the Newsletter. You have purchased the devotional, and most importantly, you have told me how much this platform has helped you. THANK YOU! I am thankful!

 

My word of encouragement for you:

Well, here in the US we just celebrated Thanksgiving, so we are right in the middle of the Holiday Season. I know many of you are dreading yet another holiday season of no children to buy gifts for, watching other people’s children dressed in cute festive outfits, and maybe even spending more time alone than you would like. In our Facebook Live on the 30th, we will be discussing 10 ways to navigate The Holidays as childless, not by choice women. I hope you can join us. One of the things I suggest is that you concentrate on helping others. In fact, I mention helping others in different ways throughout the list. Helping others is that important to calming our nerves and our psyche. When you are considering others, it is difficult to dwell on what did not happen for us. As I always say, it’s not that we are ignoring our feelings. Our feelings are valid. Our hearts hurt. We feel like second-class citizens who missed out. I get it. But still, I say, we have a choice as to how we will deal with it. We can sit idly by, and watch the Holidays from our living room window, or we can go out and find an organization that needs help distributing, giving, helping, or listening. It’s all about choice.

 

Well, after this episode, there are two more in 2017! I feel like I am doing a countdown. The next episode on December 11th, I will be talking to Ms. Halona Black as we discuss the war on fibroids! That is a great episode especially if you deal or dealt with fibroids. And even if you had to end up having a hysterectomy because of them, Halona has some great suggestions for self-care! I hope you will listen in!

 

Well, I don’t want to sign off without reminding you to come join the Childless not by choice with Civilla Morgan Facebook group if you are a woman who is childless not by choice. The group has grown by leaps and bounds, and it continues to grow. There are women in there from all around the world, all on the same journey as you and me, navigating life as childless, not by choice women. Come join the conversation. Don’t attempt to do this alone, or only with people who do not understand.

And remember, there is a Childless not by Choice Supporters group with Civilla Morgan for men who are childless not by choice and for everyone who is interested in the platform but may not fit the demographic. I will eventually get a childless not by choice men only group up and running, I will let you know when that happens. In the meantime, there are those two groups as well as the different Facebook pages available to everyone. So come on by! 

 

 

My contact information:

Website: http://www.childlessnotbychoice.net and http://www.civillamorgan.com

Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan

Twitter: @civilla1

Instagram: @joyandrelevance

Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM

LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM

 

Please help me out by taking this very short survey!

https://survey.libsyn.com/21stcenturyhannah

 

 

Until next time! Bye!

How I faced being childless not by choice -How my career gave me purpose

 

When I was 25, I couldn’t sleep the night before my final exam at University. I wrote a letter telling myself that the exam was irrelevant and that the degree I was completing would provide me with the best possible job only until I became a wife and stay at home mum. 

By this time, I had dreamed of being a mum for 18 years; ever since my youngest brother was put in my arms.  Freed from anxiety, I fell sound asleep. The next day I passed the exam which was the first step along the career path I am still on today.

I am 46 now and have had to accept that I will never be a mum.  My dream has died, but I have found a way to live.  In many ways, I have done this through my career.  I have changed jobs from that original degree and have completed another degree to further my journey.

Along the way, I have had adventures like driving a minibus full of strangers from Scotland to the south of France -having never driven in France or driven a minibus!  Twice I’ve made drastic changes to my work life that left me with almost no income for a year. Last year, at short notice, my partner and I went to Jordan for a friend’s wedding.  I would not have been able to do any of these things if I’d been responsible for children.

 

Today I work with adults with profound disabilities in a day service, bringing meaning to their lives and value to their self-worth.  They learn skills and develop talents in ceramics, art, horticulture, and other crafts. 

What was originally intended as a pleasurable stop-gap, has instead been a 21-year journey that has given meaning and purpose to my life.  Each time the grief of being childless not by choice overwhelms me, I think of the pain it would cause these people if I ended my life.  My pain has been that deep.  But my care for their well-being strengthens my will and I find the resolve to continue.  And each day I live, I am blessed by being surrounded by their joy and courage.

I don’t know what my future holds, and I am not the kind of person who does a bucket list; so, I have no list of future adventures.  With good health, I will be working for another 20 years. And I would like to visit my partner’s home in Iraqi Kurdistan. I will grab the adventures that present themselves to me with joy and enjoy every single day for the blessings I receive.

Joanna

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