Childless not by choice
Many people stop and think about those four words, hesitant about what to say next. I can almost see their brains processing, trying not to say the wrong thing, in most cases. But really, it is not that difficult. Childless not by choice. A woman or a man for that matter, who wanted but could not have children. The reasons vary: infertility, fibroids, endometriosis, trauma caused by someone else, birth control products that attacked the body. The list goes on!
The bottom line is that childless not by choice means we wanted children but it did not happen for us. And then along with that emotional pain, we had to choose to live our most joyful and relevant lives regardless. If we do not choose joy and relevance, we become a ball of human negative emotions: bitterness, fear, jealousy, envy, even hate. Those negative emotions are not a good option for living your best most relevant and joyful life. In fact I would venture to say that such constant stress on our physical and emotional well being could shorten our lives.
We have heard it all:
Aren’t you glad you don’t have kids?Kerri B.
The comments that I find hardest though are that there is no greater experience than being a mother and no greater love than a mother for her child.Kerri B
…you’re not a real woman until you’ve given birth!!!Linda J
“What is wrong with you?”Lashonda R.
“It wasn’t God’s will for you to have children.”–Civilla
Not cute. Might I suggest that if you do not know what to say, say nothing. Best option always:
Childless not by choice
If that is not your life, enjoy the life you have. Childless not by choice. If that is your life, choose relevance and joy. Choose.
U.S. Women Childless Not by Choice
Childless women aged 44 and under
Infertility cases treated solely by conventional medical therapies
Your chance to live a relevant & joyful life
21st Century Hannah is a podcast show, a series of books, my platform, my Facebook groups. In 21st Century Hannah, I talk to women (and men) like myself, who wanted but could not have children. My goal is to encourage the childless not by choice community realize that we can still live a relevant and joyful life. We believe we were supposed to have children, but what do we do when what was supposed to be does not happen? We have a choice.
Open discussion of childless not by choice is typically avoided. But I believe open discussion is well overdue, so I started the conversation. Come join me!
I wrote 21st Century Hannah 31 Days of Encouragement, a devotional geared towards women (and men) childless not by choice. I wanted to create a way for the hearts of this community to realize someone understands how they feel. I wanted the childless not by choice community to realize that someone out there understands. Someone is talking about it, and writing about it.
I am also working on a 365-day devotional filled with beautiful, interactive content. I cannot wait until it is finished and ready for everyone! And I am working on a novel about my journey through and in the world of childlessness. Stay tuned here for details!
My Closed and Private Facebook groups were created as a safe haven for women childless not by choice. These groups are places of refreshment. We share positive posts, words of encouragement, and even requests for prayer. It’s even OK to cry. Believe me, I have done quite a bit of crying over the years. I too, am a woman who is childless not by choice.
Come join one of my groups and let’s talk about living a life of joy and relevance even though we did not have the children we desired.